Me, Myself and Ty

It easier said than done...

2010-05-31T09:15:00.001-04:00

The 7 day challenge has been a little difficult; in a nutshell the hugging hasn't been a problem, the attachement play has been hit or miss and the 20 minutes of their own choice - not going as planned.

Friday night I had good intentions, I had plans to play with the kids for 20 minutes each, but at the last minute we decided to have a family date with take-out, a movie and some popcorn. The kids both snuggled with me on the lay-z-boy. Even though it wasn't necessarily their choice of game, it was good family bonding time and we all enjoyed ourselves.

Saturday I did good. It was a busy morning & afternoon. Tamaya had her dance recital and we did a lot of running around. We managed to have our 20 minutes each of play time after supper. I baked some cookies and Tamaya, Ty and I had cookies and a tea party, afterwards, Ty and I played SuperMario Bros on the wii, while Tamaya rubbed my feet. (she was paying me restitution for an earlier incident) she later joined in on the wii fun.

I wasn't sure how I would do each play time one on one with the child playing the game of their choice. It worked out well that we all played together, and there was no trying to sabotage, you see, as long as Ty is regulated my children are best of friends and play very well together. I think had I "rejected" him and asked him to go elsewhere I would of had a meltdown and needed to divert my attention to him, which would not of been fair to Tamaya. I'm going to try and get some one on one with each of them while the other is busy - maybe tonight I will do something with Tamaya while Ty is soaking in the tub and vice versa.

Sunday - between Sunday clean up, guest coming over, and me having to leave for my monthly Bonco with the ladies, I ran out of time.

Monday night Steve worked late, I had to make dinner, Ty had a school project to finish up - we ran out of time. In my defense the school *project was a time line with pictures of his life from birth until now with all of his milestones, it was nice bonding time.

* the project was a BIG source of some disregulation last week. I'm guessing that the teacher gave examples of the time line and she must of mentioned something to the effect that you can start with a picture of when you were in your mom's belly. I was livid and ready to call her and kindly give her a piece of my mind about sensitivity, but once I read over the instructions of what the project entailed I realised I could probably ease his anxiety. I explained to him that all children had their own time line and that none of them would be the same. I told him it wasn't necessary to have a pregnancy picture, that we would included a baby picture of him while he was waiting to come home with a picture of his nursery awaiting his arrival. I also gave him the option to not do the project at all, but once we got talking about his milestones he was on board 100%.

I'm hoping to report better news in the challenge department next post... Wish me luck!!!

The 7 day challenge...

2010-05-28T10:39:00.003-04:00

Hubby will be leaving for a little while. He hasn't been gone for an extended period of time since Afghanistan a few years ago. This brings out a little PTSD in momma. Ty gets disregulated BIG TIME when Steve is away for even one night on a duty (a 24 hours shift). It brings back memories of severe raging, hitting, biting, random peeing where-ever, swearing, hoarding, partying it up all night while I am fast asleep, etc, etc. Ty's come such a long way since then, he will usually only pull out those stunts when he is disregulated and something has triggered him. Because it happens randomly now, as opposed to daily way back when. I am better able to help him. I can usually get him back into a "safe place" within a few days or so with a few simple tools.

Here are a few of the many things I do to get him "back";

- I accept the fact that he is super stressed/triggered at the time, I offer understanding and tell him that I understand it sucks!

- I do everything in my power to stay regulated, even though I want to kick and scream and have a tantrum I stay as calm as possible - I keep a nice even tone... one of love. I make sure I take care of me extra lots during these times.

- I praise good behavior.

- I go over the house rules, with a VERY clear understanding of what the consequence is if the rule is broken.

- I especially say what I mean and mean what I say. It's so important for him to trust me while disregulated (or anytime for that matter). If I tell him that I will be giving him such and such a consequence if he chooses to ______ (fill in the blank) I follow through 100%. If I tell him we will have a special _____, even if he has just hit me and told me where to go I make sure I spend that special time with him. Most of the time he will purposely sabotage anything good, just to see if he can trust me, if I will still love him.

- When he is disregulated he is to be with me 100% of time during waking hours, even if that means he misses a day or 2 of school. He isn't able to make good decisions when he is "off". We call it the lock-down (no locks involved, just mommy locking down on his behaviors and not giving him a chance to harm himself or others)

- I get to his level.. I do, if he is swearing up a storm, I'll get right in there with him and say yup... it is bull shit and whatever else he is saying. Between the 2 of us we sound like a bunch of truckers, but for some reason we can laugh it off, because it usually catches him off guard :-) *the only time he swears is when he is off*

- If he is hitting or going to hit I tell him to come to my room and we go nuts on hitting the bed/pillows - I figure he's gotta let it out, so I may as well give him other tools to let it out - instead of him hitting people/the pets.

- one of the most powerful things I give him when he is disregulated is the gift of time. I ensure we have lots of one on one... I make sure I am 100% in the moment with him.

- I also give him the opportunity to regress... he will actually usually ask me for some "baby time" giving him a sippy cup of warm milk while rocking him, spoon feeding him, rubbing his back or legs. I will offer to help him get dressed, tie his jacket (things he can do, but I offer it to prove to him that I am his mommy and will always take care of him)

So while I was reading Christine's post I got SUPER excited. I'm looking forward to spending extra quality time with my kids. I will try and post daily about the things we have done together and what kind of results I see. I was anticipating Ty totally disregulated, but maybe because we are doing the 7 day challenge and daddy is leaving right dab in the middle of it, it may diminish or avoid the disregulation altogether!?! Here's hoping!!!

Wish me luck...

Picture post...

2010-05-24T14:09:00.004-04:00

Tamaya rockin' her fro, her hair is getting so long. You would never believe her hair is actually half way down her back when I pull it straight down. Her "bangs" are well past her chin.

My pretty ballerina.

ooofff...

2010-05-23T10:13:00.002-04:00

Wow, I feel like I just posted a post a few days ago, and low and behold it's already been a couple weeks.

Ty's been having a hard time with his life lately and frankly I find myself needing to breath and "remember" to stay regulated. Some days are much easier then others. Some days I can be so cool, calm and collected... others not so much. This past week.. not so much. I've caught myself on several occasion yelling, (which, honestly is something I really TRY hard not to do) it's never accomplished anything besides get him even more unregulated... But I also have to remember than I am also only human and will occasionally make mistakes, the stress of helping him heal often times is just too much and if I forget to take time for me, to take time to refresh I just kind of blow my top. I just have to forgive myself and move on, on the right foot.

We have really come a long way. Just a year ago life was very different... He is certainly on the road to recovery and it's so nice to see him verbalise his fears... At least when I know how he is feeling I am able to talk them out with him and let him know I am here for him!

* He recently found out his birth family is alive from the earthquake.
* He has a school trip he is nervous about. (I gave him the option to stay home, which helped him enormously)
* Daddy is leaving for a month.
* We are preparing him mentally for a possibility of redoing grade 1

Lots of little stress when you are only 7

__________________________

Tamaya has her dress rehearsal for Ballet today. I will be sure to post pictures of her. Her costume is gorgeous!!!

RAD and Testing...

2010-05-07T19:28:00.005-04:00

Well my dear Ty did it again. Lately we've seem to have been doing lots of testing.... and, as every mom of a child with RAD will know is that one of their great attributes are the art of manipulation and of sabotaging. He had a IQ test done as well as other school testing done to eliminate a learning disability.

Now, going into this I knew that he would play the test. He would do the opposite of what was asked of him, or not do it at all... or whatever else he chose to do that day. I made it very clear that he would try and control the test, that's what RAD kids do so well... so on a Monday a couple weeks ago the psychologist calls me to make an appointment with me to meet before she does the IQ testing, I had requested this because of the fact that I needed to explain what he would do, signs to look for, or what to say to have him perform better. She called on a Monday and I made the appointment to meet her on the Wednesday... While I was in the meeting with her, she pulled out his test scores and told me they did them the day before WTF???? Now I did sign the form to allow the testing to be done, but I was under the impression we would meet prior to. Of course, not knowing him she fell hook line and sinker. I actually LAUGH OUT LOUD when she was showing me the questions he got wrong... knowing full well that my son KNEW the answers for example she asked him what a thief was - he said a thief is a dirty pig. Also while he was asked what went together (apple, orange, boat, shovel... he chose the opposite, boat and shovel - because you can put a shovel in a boat. He did it for all of the matches, chose the ones that didn't go together - can you say OPPOSITIONAL. She assured me she was confident that he did not sabotage the test, that she was confident that she would have known if she was played.

Well all I can say is that when I came home and asked my dear Ty if he had fun playing the lady that did the test with him - he laugh, asked me how I knew. Ty Ty Ty!!! So basically his test scores are very low - the way it was done was by percentile and he scored at around the 5th - 7th. This is coming from a child that has a photographic memory he can remember the color of a car he saw 4 years ago.. or the name of someone he met once, he remembers details of events I completely forgot about, but ask him what a thief is and the boy will tell you a dirty pig! Well I guess you could say he was right ;-)

Now I'm going to go indulge in some ice-cream... with sprinkles !!!

Staying home from school...

2010-05-05T22:09:00.003-04:00

I've always told my kids that they are able to take personal days. Days where they could just stay home and chill. Ty has to earn his and they are pre-planned, not established they day of. Ty would stay home everyday if he could. Tamaya on the other hand, adores going to school so basically anytime she requests a day she can have one.

Yesterday out of the blue Tamaya asked if she could stay home. I was shocked, this was the first time since September she has asked to stay.

I really enjoyed having her home with me. We just hung out, and during the daycare children's nap time we snuggled and watched a movie. She fell asleep in my arms... it was priceless. I wish I could bottle up little moments like this.

How much they have grown...

2010-05-03T12:18:00.004-04:00

I was reading old post last night and was amazed at how much the kids have grown in the past couple years... Here is little Miss. Tamaya - she's started this weird thing when I take pictures - she kind of closes her eyes.

At least these pictures of her her eyes are normal and of course she is pretty as can be!

One of the new outfits he chose for himself & loving his new mp3 player. He hasn't left it alone since he got it. He spent the whole day yesterday "working out" and running from our house to the end of our street where Dad was hanging out with a friend!!!

This morning before school - she looks so tired!

Mr.Man with his new Hat!

strike a pose... honestly they are too cool for words.

Hair dye, new hairstyle & shopping with the kids solo...

2010-05-01T10:38:00.005-04:00

I'm sitting here with a cup of Java and a head full of hair dye. I decided to get a new hairstyle last Thursday. I had let my hair grow for the past couple years and I was so ready for a change. I've been looking for a new hairstylist... someone that was in with the new trends and would find something to suit my "round" face. I think I'm happy with the new cut. It's kind of longer at the front and shorter at the back. My friends seem to like it... and, they are honest enough that if they didn't like it so much they certainly wouldn't be shy to let me know. I call it the reverse mullet - party at the front and all business at the back ;-)

I have to bring the kids shopping to buy spring clothes (they have pretty much worn out and out grown all their winter gear and are needing some new stuff. Steve has opted to stay home alone... should be interesting. Ty has become VERY particular about what he will wear, I'm looking forward to seeing what he chooses.

Edited to add: I didn't have a chance to post prior to leaving - however the day was surely an adventure, the kids made some good choices with their new clothes - maybe I can convince them to do a fashion show for your viewing pleasure.

Am I back?

2010-04-30T07:07:00.003-04:00

I've been thinking of coming back... some days I feel like blogging is the perfect way to let it all out! I kind of miss it, but I feel like I barely have any extra time to devote to anything other than life, work and my family. I am going to give it go and see where it takes me....

Over the past couple years nothing major has changed, we are still a family of 4 - Steve, me and the 2 hooligans.
- We have said good-bye to one of our beloved family pets Misty, and added Dexter a German shorthaired pointer to the mix. (otherwise known as "the man dog").
- Ty is still a difficult child to parent, but now we have some firm diagnosis's that explain his behaviors. He's been diagnosed with RAD, PTSD and ADHD. I've been doing therapeutic parenting and lots of his behaviors have diminished.
- Tamaya is in junior k & ballet. She is loving every moment of it. She is fairly easy to parent - testing the waters once in a while.
- Steve is still in the military, but because of his back injury hasn't had to leave home for any exercises, or deployments. We are still kind of waiting to find out what the grand plan is for him, but in the meantime we just don't worry about the "what if's".
- I'm back to doing childcare in my home and have a great group of children that I spend my days with. I have a great group of friends that surround me. I've sort of, kind of, started a weight loss program that I haven't been so great at. HA!! I have all these GRAND plans for myself and maybe, just maybe I will follow through and make myself a priority.

Until the next time...

Pictures (New post below)

2008-07-21T13:09:00.008-04:00

Summer days...

2008-07-21T07:43:00.003-04:00

We are having a great *BUSY* summer thus far. I am trying to post more pics of some events however my Internet connection is having issues and is not letting me... I will try and add more later.

So far this summer we have;

* finished up Chiko's puppy classes, he is now a graduate ;-) He's still such a puppy - sometimes, well most of the time I wonder WHY in the world *I* decided to add him to our family, but he is ours now and maybe some day he will be much less work and a pleasure..lol

* Ty and Tamaya both had swimming lessons. They LOVED it, and we will be sure to have them in again in the fall.

* We have the garage just about completed. We only have the siding, soffit and fascia and then we are DONE!!!

* We went to Montreal last weekend to visit my sister. (Thanks for having us Lynn) While we were there we went to the Haitian festival, Biodome, a Caribbean restaurant, a Japanese restaurant. We also toured old Montreal, had a horse and buggy ride, took many subway rides, and enjoyed taking the train to get there.

* other things we have enjoyed here - park, water fun, library, bike rides, ice cream cones, colouring and much more.

* We still have a list of activities and a summer full of things to do. I am enjoying having this time with Ty and Toutou

Our new little Chiko!!!

2008-05-07T09:40:00.002-04:00

Introducing our new little furry friend Chiko. He is almost 3 months old and is Maltese/Lhasa Apso. We've had him for a few days now and he is doing really well. He is doing great on his potty training (his breeder had started the paper training!) He is really smart, and has pretty much mastered "sit" and we are working on shake a paw, sit pretty, lay down and other cute tricks! Next week I am going to start puppy classes with him!

Ty is just loving having "his" puppy and is very gentle with him. He is anxiously awaiting the day that the dog can have sleep'ing overs in his room. Tamaya on the other hand is not such a pet lover, she is content with co-existing with them, but is not overly excited about his addition. In fact, little miss Tamaya does NOT like sharing her mommy with the little guy..lol

2008-04-17T21:54:00.000-04:00

We have been enjoying SPRING!!! It has arrived and is SO refreshing. We have been doing great. Life is busy as usual but we are enjoying every minute of it.

Here are a few pics of my BEAUTIFUL gorgeous children. ;-)

Happy 5th birthday Ty!!!

We had a quiet home celebration on his actual birth date- he requested pie..lol

His birthday party will be this weekend. ;-)

WOW, WOW

It's LOVE...
Too cool for words ;-)
His own style?!?

The children saying goodbye to our beloved Sam.

Our older cat Sam got really sick and we had to make the hard decision to let him go.

Quick little update...

2008-03-30T22:52:00.003-04:00

As you can clearly see I have been neglecting the blog quite faithfully..lol

To be honest, between not making the time to write and being busy with life I am going to be one of those "occasional update" kind of blogs. I may get back into it on a regular basis at some point but I am kind of bored with it for now.

Hope you all understand and still check in occasionally,
Sue

My beautiful children...

2008-03-19T15:28:00.003-04:00

I brought the kids to get some professional pics done; these are scanned copies of some of the better proofs. We did another shoot with Tamaya and I am hoping the next batch is less shiny..lol, and we are going to do another shoot outdoors this spring/summer!

Still here...

2008-03-06T13:14:00.003-05:00

For all you daily "checkers" I'm so sorry for not having blogged lately. I have been VERY busy trying to get Ty back to a secure place again. (We seem to be making some headway... but I may have another little therapy to do before he is back!!!) Between that burning me out and just normal day to day I feel like I haven't had a chance to sit down in weeks to just blog.. or I guess I could say I haven't made time, I am sure it would have felt pretty therapeutic to just write and vent.

Ty has been mourning his birth-family & Haiti in general. He regressed, has been reacting, not sleeping his nights, and all in all needing to feel secure. He has even been reacting at school and BITE an older student after the 5th grader "rejected" him. My poor little man.. I wish I could just take away all of his insecurities, take away his feelings of not belonging and make it all better for him!

It all started with a talk about a visit to Haiti... then I thought it would help him to help make his yearly birth family parcel. He is mourning his birth-family (especially his b-mom)...

Anyways I've got to run out and get my taxes done (keep your fingers crossed we get a big chunk back!), but I will make time to blog in the next couple days. Just wanted to let you all know we are alive..lol, but just going through some stuff.

Pictures, for real...

2008-02-23T22:57:00.001-05:00

Enjoying their new shades.
Making Pizza
Steve's dog eaten pizza
Watching a movie with popcorn in the tent.

Love date!!! Part 1 & 2

2008-02-15T14:03:00.004-05:00

We had a nice enjoyable love date, unfortunately Steve lost his pizza to the dog..lol

Ty's been up since 3:30am so it's been quite the day around here ;-)

Have a nice weekend!

Happy Valentine's day!!!...

2008-02-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

Love date...

2008-02-12T13:15:00.000-05:00

I decided to do something extra special for Valentines day! I am going to set up the kid tent so we can have a sleepin' over in the living room, blow up balloons, get the kids some special valentines day "love gifts" ( hubby is included in that "kid" category) Pop some corn, put on a movie and have a fun and exiting LOVE date with my family!

I told Ty about it and he is soooo excited, he is doing the countdown to valentines day! I will try and remember to take some pics to share.

I made some "art" for my room ;-)
Click the picture to enlarge

Tamaya made her bed, honesty she is too cute and sooo helpful!

I try and send Ty healthy-ish leftover lunches at school (each class has a microwave), sometimes I will also make him wraps & try and get creative, but sometimes I am at a loss and have NO CLUE what to send... so, I made some salmon pies today to freeze for those days we are sans left overs or out of ideas ;-)

Also made some little apple pie tarts, I had some pie shells left and apples in the fridge that probably won't last very much longer. They are YUMMY!!!

Tamaya grooving...

2008-02-07T12:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the lighting!!! I wish I had half of my childrens energy ;-)

My princesses...

2008-02-06T19:48:00.000-05:00

Check out the heals, the boy can walk better in heals than I can...

Another cancelled bus day!!!???...

2008-02-05T06:58:00.000-05:00

It's 7:45am Steve's been gone to work for an hour and my 2 lovely children are still sleeping... WOW I have managed to have a cup of coffee uninterrupted! I can tell ya... that doesn't happen to often. I can almost guarantee Ty was up in the night. He never sleeps in like this.

I HAD an 9:00 appointment to get my van fixed up (they need to replace something with the power steering thingy) But low and behold it looks like it will be another house bound day. We have another bus cancellation day due to possible freezing rain. This is the 4th time in the last couple weeks that the buses have been cancelled in our area... CRAZY!!! I better think up something fun to do to keep the kids to keep them from going crazy (well, really myself)!!! I guess I can get the kids to work on Valentines day cards..lol

So my room... I AM IN LOVE - It does feel so nice to go into my nice fresh bedroom. I feel like an adult, like I have a place all to myself!

My room used to be the hang out spot. The kids would go in and play, watch the TV, jump on the bed (not that that was permitted, but they still did it!) When I was taking the room apart I found some spiderman dudes between my mattress and box-spring, I also found a few cars under the bed!!! But not no more. I have decided my room is now only open by invitation only ;-) ....But because I did that, I also had to make another "hang out" upstairs - you know, for those time I need to cook, clean etc. and still have the kids close enough so they are still in ears reach!
I had been reluctant to put a TV in my family room. I didn't want it to take away from the quiet, cozy atmosphere. When I added the TV from my room it looked so silly and bulky and I wasn't going to have it - until I had a vision of a flat screen on my fireplace mantle... and that changed everything. We are not big TV watchers, but I love music (the bell express view galaxy music channels). I love it for background noise and I especially find it motivating when I have to get my butt in gear so I NEEDED an upstairs TV. So off I went shopping and added a new piece to my "cozy" living room!!!

Tamaya GROOVING ;-) (and the new TV)

Ty with his yogurt mustache

Tamaya striking a pose?!?

Playing with Jake - (Don't mind her lovely attire of pj's and pink socks..lol!)

The mustache...again!

pretty girl - eating her breakfast yesterday
Right on!!!
My new bedroom curtains - Can you beleive it, I payed $10 for each panel and even got another $5 off - $15 for curtains!!! WOW
My mother in law bought me this for Christmas. I just love it! translated from French it says... A mothers love is filled with happiness and tenderness.

And the winner is....

2008-02-01T12:05:00.000-05:00

Patricia with her submission of T 'n T!!!

As the winner of the blog title contest Patrica will receive personal Valentine's day cards from no other than T 'n T!

Enjoy the new name and the new look!

~~~

I got it...

2008-02-01T07:15:00.000-05:00

I called the furniture store a few days ago to ask if they were on schedule building me my bedroom suite and she said "actually we are just about done"... WOOOHOOO! We made a delivery day - Friday (today).

I went to look at it yesterday (WOW) and pay the remainder of my bill and was informed that we were expecting a huge storm Friday and that it probably wouldn't be delivered until Monday. :-( But when the boss came to talk to me, he asked what I was doing that afternoon and that they could deliver it in a few hours!!!

So the logical thing to do would have been to go straight home and empty my room right? Nope, not me - logic went right out the window long ago... I went shopping for room accessories. I found some GORGEOUS throw pillows, a throw for the end of my bed, some new chocolate brown sheets, some bamboo type place-mats, some baskets for inside the armoire! I was very pleased with my purchases! I came home with an hour to spair to empty & vacuum my room. LOTS of time..hahaha

So the only problems with the new set - I love it so much I keep opening my bedroom door to peek at it, which is soooo unproductive :-)

The bed and nightstands - for some reason the flash from the camera is changing the true color of the stain - it's actually more of an espresso.

My cool pillows ;-)

The dresser
My armoire
My nick-nacks/place-mats

My living room with my old room in it - lovely!!! ( I have to tackle that today!!!) Wish me luck!!!

My relationship with Haiti...

2008-01-30T09:47:00.000-05:00

I have always had mixed feelings about Haiti…

I watched a video that is posted on another blog and it evoked so many emotions. It reminded me of everything I love and dislike about my other country. (I will post the link for the video below)

I love the sound of Creole and how I have come to understand it, I love how despite most circumstances Haitians have such a “joy de vive” and are so beautiful. I love Haitian music; I love the crisp mountain air. I love the fact that Haiti is forever going to be part of our family.

But… Haiti scares the crap out of me, it does. My last trip was much less frightening – maybe because I actually had to “live” there, and it was relatively safe at the time (and well, I was staying at the Montana).
I am scared of all the potential foreign diseases, malaria, hep, parasites, food born illnesses etc. I am afraid of potential violence, especially in a foreign country. I am afraid of the lack of accountability, how many people with any “power” thinks they own the country. I hate that my “extended family” have to live day-by-day lacking essentials.

Although I have conflicting feelings about “my other country”, I have been careful in trying to portrait Haiti in a positive light to my children. I have not sugar coated some of the hardships many Haitian face on a daily basis, but I have always encouraged my children to be proud to be Haitian-Canadian and to talk about all the beauty Haiti has to offer!

A trip to Haiti with Ty has been in the talking stage, I am thinking that within the next couple of years I would love to take a trip with him and have him reacquaint himself with his original roots (maybe even meet his Biological mother – if we can find her by then). I would love for my children to know their other country first hand, for them to feel it, smell it, hear it… I don’t want to wait until they are in their late teens to re-introduce them and have them feel like they may have missed out… On the other hand, I want to protect my children and keep them safe in my little “Canadian bubble”.

Video link

Fajita or Faita...

2008-01-29T11:58:00.000-05:00

I came home from the grocery store yesterday and Steve asked if I bought the stuff to make "fajitas" (he pronounced the j) I laughed at him and told him he needed to learn to "spell" and that I even noticed he spelled it wrong on the list... He told me he was right and we jokingly argued about for a few minutes until we decided to make a bet about it.
I was soooo convinced I was right, and said whatever bet we made had to be a GOOD one. We came to the agreement that the loser had to do dishes for a full week. Next time I will do my homework 'cause I obviously lost and will have dish hands for a while :-(
I hate when I am convinced I am right and I am so wrong...lol

***

Great days...

2008-01-22T11:31:00.000-05:00

Beautiful Tamaya

The pirate...

Ty very seriously trying to "win"

Oh man - That was TOO FUNNY.

The little bugger flew right into the....

Dog dish ;-)

We have been having such great days around here. This weekend was so nice and relaxing. I got to spend some nice one on one with the kids. We played with Ty's magnetics, a few games of pop up pirate and Steve and Ty even played with Ty's soldiers. It was too cute to see Steve get all flustered with Ty "touching" his display..lol I had to remind Steve who's toys they were and that he was the adult... :-)

Saturday night Steve and I went to a nice supper with friends of ours. It was a nice evening and just what I needed... a night with ADULTS!!!

On Sunday afternoon we all huddled in my room, the kids and Steve played on the ground and I watched my family in admiration. A few times I caught myself feeling happy tears coming! Awwww what a life :-)

My dear son...

2008-01-20T09:27:00.000-05:00

A few days ago Ty got off the bus . He was acting funny. When I ask him how his day went he told me he had a great day at. I told how how happy and proud I was of him and to keep up the good work.

We got home and he proceeded to tell me....

"I asked a girl on my bus if she wanted to be my girlfriend and if she wanted to have a date."

I'm sure I looked stunned - 'cause I was feeling pretty speechless. I did manage to get over myself and asked him what the girl said...

"mom, she said no, she is to young to date"

"How did that make you feel bud?"

" A little sad mom, but that's ok. I'm going to ask another girl tomorrow."

"Ugh, NO... Ty you are also to young to date and have a girlfriend"

"When can I have girls in my room then?"

"Ugh... NEVER - Once you are married, maybe!"

MAN, OH MAN, OH MAN, OH MAN, OH MAN!!!!!!

*****

Who is Sue...

2008-01-19T10:35:00.000-05:00

You know...I have been feeling like a mom, yes, a mom. I love being a mom, but I am so much more than that! I am Sue. I couldn't have dreamt up such a wonderful life for myself. I adore my hubby and my children, but occasionally I find myself on a road to self discovery. I sometimes question who I really am. I go through spurts of wanting a change in life. Something that is exclusively mine - something I can excel at. I find it hard to find that special something... and it seems that once I do find something of interest I get bored with it and want to move on to something else... I like to dab in all sort of things I guess.

I took on a project for my sister (actually I am doing an essay for one of her classes..sssshhhhh!) I thought this would be a great way for me to feel like I was doing something "intelligent", and have a challenge.. yeah well... it's freaken HARD! I barely came out of high school with passing grades (apparently you actually have to show up to classes to do good!) and now I take on this university essay?!? Yup, DUMB A$$. But I have to admit - I kind of feel like I'm doing something for me. (even though it's for her!)

I still wonder and think of what I would like to do when I grow up... I thought about maybe taking some on-line college courses?!? Some that would amount to an actual career once the kids are both in school full time. But again I find myself in a situation of being afraid of committing to something and getting bored with it, wasting both my time and money.

That was my deep thoughts for today.. have a great weekend ;-)

Vote for your favorite...

2008-01-17T12:00:00.000-05:00

To the left are the names in the running. Pick to vote for your favorite and it will become the new name for the blog!!!

Happy voting!!!

Name change...

2008-01-14T10:08:00.000-05:00

Edited this morning
Are you all thinking?, I've had 40+ views since this post... nobody has anything...c'mon don't be shy???

I have been racking my brain trying to come up with a new blog name.
The current name is so... last year ;-)

I thought it would be fun to have a little reader contest!!!

Think of a cool new name -Leave your suggestions in the comment section.

*** If your name suggestion is chosen you will received a little somffin-somffin ;-) ***

(if you know us personally please no use of any identifying info)

Happy thinking and good luck!!!

Long update...

2008-01-12T15:03:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have REALLY neglected the blog... Ooopsy - maybe now that life is somewhat back to normal I will back to blogging regularly.

So for a long overdue update, here it is...

We got through Christmas..lol I was actually nice to go back home and spend some much needed time away with loved ones. I love going home and spending time with family. I really wish we lived closer sometimes. It would be nice to go to my parents and in-laws for Sunday dinners and have "built-in" babysitter..lol When we travel I never feel like I have enough time to spend with everyone. It's hustle and bustle, from one house to the other. The kids get out of their routine and it's chaos... so coming home was nice too!!!

Everyone bought tooo much for the kids. I spent 2 days in the playroom re-organising/throwing out broken toys.. but alas it is good to go now!!!
Us parents were actually SPOILED as well. Steve got a snow-blower (thanks to his parents !!!) and I, a bedroom suite (thanks to hubby!). I finally, finally found one! I am getting a custom set made. Dresser w/ mirror, an armoire, a couple of end tables and a headboard/Foot-board bed frame. It's all solid pine. I am getting it stained in a dark espresso. It should be ready the first week of Feb, I will be sure to post pics once I get it.

Steve was off for over 3 weeks and I must admit it was soooo nice to spend time as a family. We really needed it. Since the arrival of our newest addition life was busy and stressful, but with our family time we seemed to have bonded at a deeper level.

Steve and Tamaya had a few good bonding moments. She is getting better at letting him be her father :-) Which has in turn helped me refresh! Steve and Ty had a few good snowmobiles rides and Steve and I had some much needed relationship time. We enjoyed quiet evenings watching movies, talking and just being a couple. It felt like it had been so long. On new years eve we opted to stay in and have a date night! We had a delicious fondue sans kids (we waited until we put them to bed)! It was nice!

I have really started to fall deeply in love with Tamaya!!!! I have had a whole lot of OH MY GOSH I LOVE HER moments. My heart is all goo goo for my toutou. I decided to let some of my "training mode" go and just appreciate her. She is SUCH a good girl. Honestly I am so blessed to have the honor to parent such an angel. It's a work in progress and I am so happy it's going in the right direction!

My Ty seems to have grown up a whole lot in the last little while. Being a big bro & being a school boy actually changed him & he has matured a whole lot. He is taking his "job" very seriously. Before Tamaya's homecoming I had these daydreams/nightmares of what I was in for. I couldn't of been so wrong. Ty is so thoughtful. He is always thinking about her and making sure that she is "hooked up". Even at school, if the teacher has a colouring page for them to bring home he will insist that he needs one for Tamaya! He got some gift bags from his teachers for Christmas and he shared them with Tamaya as well. I am really amazed at how much he respects and adores her.

Besides all that, in general life is going really good, I'm not feeling overwhelmed or stressed..lol. I am just enjoying being me, I kind of feel like the "old" me is coming back and I must admit it feels mighty nice!

DIVA...

2008-01-03T14:20:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!!! We have spent a very pleasant few weeks together as a family. Ty goes back to school on Monday and hubby is returning Thursday - life I as know it will get back to "normal" and I will be back then to update you all on the past few GREAT weeks we have spent together ;-)

Merry Christmas...

2007-12-24T08:04:00.000-05:00

We are back home for a few days, but I wanted to wish you -my readers a very merry Christmas.

Wow, I can barely believe that this year my Christmas will be spent with my whole family ;-) My Steve is home and so is my tou-tou (Tamaya)! Now thats the way it should be!

My son, my son, my son....

2007-12-15T08:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was Ty's Christmas concert at school... I knew I was in for a treat ;-) Out of all the 20+ shows, out of all the classes that performed my son is the ONLY one that didn't "conform", he decided to take over his class show. We all had a good laugh (mine a nervous one)!!!

Ty is the 7th one counting from left to right - bent over

Ty is now the one in front - grooving!!!

Everyone always tells me not to worry, he's just a kid, he's grow out of it etc... It worries me, I see how OUT THERE he is and I wonder, I really wonder. Right now, yes he can get away with it because he is young and cute.

Part of me wants to beleive he will "grow out of it" another part knows that he is unique and may need "extra help"... I know he is a difficult to parent little guy - I'm his mom and soooo know, but I also know how wonderful he is, how loving he is, how he does everything he does with good intentions... I also have learned how to parent him effectively, and know that if he is pushed into a corner he will fight. Right now he has a great teacher, she is young, she is willing to work with Ty and has been encouraging his good behavior... He adores her and I know she has a soft spot for Ty - what happens when he gets a teacher that is set in her ways and believes discipline is the only way, you know the type that is only into consequence's and strict with the kids... I don't think he could handle that type of "controller". Anyways I guess I'm just over-thinking... but I often worry about my little fellaw and what his future holds.

Wow, I am impressed...

2007-12-13T11:24:00.000-05:00

I've got to admit I am VERY happy with the way Ty's school dealt with the bullying. They have a ZERO tolerance policy and it was very obvious they took my concerns very seriously and dealt with it appropriately.

I picked Ty up from school yesterday because we had an appointment. His teacher & the teachers aid stopped me to explain what happened on the school side. She said that Ty was called to the office and that the kids were made to apologize to Ty. The teachers aid said she went with Ty and as soon as Ty saw the kids in question he had a noticeable reaction and hid behind her. My heart broke to hear that - poor little guy!

I thanked the bus driver this morning for talking with the principal. I also called the principal and thanked him for taking the time to deal with it appropriately and that I was very impressed. He mentioned that he "sang" the words of the song they were singing about Ty to the parents when he called them and NOT A ONE was happy with their child and their behavior. One of the parents lives on my street, and through the grapevine I heard that her daughter (the manipulative one) is in BIG trouble. The mom even requested that her daughter sit in the front seat of the bus for the remainder of the year because of her behavior. I also heard that all the children were crying and admitted their fault when they were confronted by the principal. So I am happy to see some resolve and that the parents also didn't take it lightly!!!

On a side note; Ty's teachers mentioned that the past couple days he has been awesome and that they have seen a noticeable change/lack of "touching" his friends and overall he has been very good. I let Ty know how VERY proud I was of his great days and to keep up the good work.

His teacher also commented that her and the other teachers are LOVING his hat ;-)

I am so proud of my little guy - after the initial issues with the hat I gave him the option of wearing another one or his fur hat, he chose the fur hat. I love the fact that his love for his hat (that his grand-papa Dan gave him) was more important than someone else's opinion!!! Now that my friends is my confident little Ty!

The hat - honesty isn't it adorable on him!!!
(this pic was taken last year, the hat fits him like a glove this year)

Bus issues...

2007-12-12T12:16:00.000-05:00

Little update on the bus issues...

Last night my girlfriend and I made a "plan" where Ty would sit with her daughter on the bus. Her daughter is 14 and on the high school side of his school. She sits at the back of the bus with the other high school kids. She is a VERY responsible, good kid! All the high school kids just adore Ty, and have always gone out of there way to be super nice to him, they even complimented Ty on his cool fur hat!!! (Ty had been sitting in the first few seats while this was happening)

I talked to the bus driver this morning while putting Ty on the bus and mentioned that I had some concerns about some happenings on the bus that I had just been made aware of, and if he would permit Ty to sit with the older girl until things were resolved I would greatly appreciate it. I also made him aware that I would also be calling the principal of the school this morning so he could address some of these concerns I was having regarding how Ty has been getting treated. Jack (the bus driver, agreed and drove off)

I called and left a message for the principal to call me and he called me about an hour later. I told him I had some very serious concerns and told him the whole story. He listened and said " Thank you Mrs "Sue", the bus driver came to see me this morning with a list of names of the children misbehaving/bullying Ty. I will be contacting these children's parents and you can be assured this is going to be taken care of" He also said the bus driver suggested Ty sit with "the older" girl..lol (hmmm I wonder where he got that idea..lol) I am so grateful that the bus driver decided to step up and address the bus issues as well. I really feel as though he backed up my story and did the right thing. I will make sure I thank him when I see him next, and I will insure that he gets a little Christmas something from us, to let him know we do appreciate him. He is always so cheery and a "good-morning, have a nice weekend" kind of guy. Ty has always adored him and looks up to him so it's nice to see him defend my son!!!

days gone by...

2007-12-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

Sorry about my long-ish absence. Things have been BUSY around here! Let me explain...

Last week Ty had his first report card!!! He is doing about as good as I expected. He is very curious and full of questions. She commented on how intelligent he was when it came to logic and putting things together. He is having a hard time with confidence for cutting and printing.
He is having problems with always touching others (like feeling his friends hair etc...) She thinks it's a sensory issue... I have heard of this being related to international adoption, I'm going to have to look into it further. She also mentioned she is going to get someone on board with more experience and she will have a special chart to try and curb the "touching". She also mentioned he needed to try and control his impulses. He also hasn't been able to sit during circle time etc. I asked her if he was the worst in class, she did say there was about 3 that had things to work on as well. So as bad as it sounds, I'm glad he will not be singled out while they are trying to curb the whole behavior thing.

_________________

On the Friday he had a PA day and we enjoyed a couple movies !!! It was nice to have him home. I look forward to spending time with him now that he is away all day, 5 days a week. It so different without him here.

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On Saturday AM we went to Steve's work kids Christmas party. Ty loved bouncing in the inflatable play structure, petting the animals and was VERY happy to see Santa. He asked the big guy for a army helicopter... do you know how hard it is to find one of those... well I did finally find one, it wasn't even on his original list. Tamaya had fun, but when it came time to sit on Santa she was unsure about him and resisted the sit. She did however sit next to him, on me for a family picture. I even convinced Steve to get in with us all!!!

That evening Steve and I had our first night out together since Tamaya's been home. Steve's work had the dinner and dance for the adults. It was a good time. It was really nice to be out with friends and have a couple drinks. I had a few Caesars and had a slight glow on, which is very RARE for me. I think the last time I had a couple was a couple years ago. We went to bed around 3 ;-) That was not so nice the next day when I was exhausted though!!!

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Sunday I actually went out and finished my Christmas shopping (or so I thought). I kind of blew my budget. I always tell myself the same thing year after year. The kids don't need anything... get them a few things, keep it inexpensive.. yeah right!!! So when I came home and was actually thinking of what I bought I noticed Tamaya's amount of gifts was much more than Ty's pile. Although the 2 piles were the same price... so I decided to make one gift for the 2 of them and added today added a few more for Ty...

____________________

Besides all that mumbo... Ty has been getting bullied on the bus by some older kids. He neglected to tell me this information, but I knew something has been bothering him because he has been resisting going on the bus, there was one day he cried and held on to me - it broke my heart. I finally got the whole story (thank goodness for friends with kids on the same bus) It all came about because one of the kids called him an animal killer, and he did tell me about that yesterday. The reason for this comment. Ty has a faux fur hat that he insisted he get to wear to school. So of course, he didn't know or understand why anyone would say this to him, but it hurt his feeling because he loves animals. He told me who it was and this evening, at the bus stop I talked with her mom about it. As soon as she confronted her daughter about it, her very manipulative daughter said to her mom that Ty hits all the kids on the bus, avoiding the whole original comment. (Ty denied hitting and it was confirmed that he doesn't hit anyone by a couple other kids on the bus)

I talked with Ty about this supposed hitting and he admitted he hit an older girl on the bus. He was hit repeatedly in the head by a kid the same age as him, an older girl than hit Ty's hand and he hit her back... Soooo to get to the bottom of the story I called my girlfriend and her daughter said everything that has been going on these past few weeks. Apparently the older kids (grade 3ish) have been singing a song (to a barney tune) about shooting Ty in the head and he is dead. They have been calling him mean, stinky, animal killer, he has been getting hit in the head by this kid his own age and I know there was more, but I can't think of them right now... so anyways... I am going to be making a call to the school tomorrow. I talked with Ty and he admitted to not telling us because he said they said they would shoot his dad if he said anything to him... could you IMAGINE!!! So I told him that from now on he needed to tell me when people where mean to him so we could work on a way to resolve it... he kissed me goodnight and said Thanks mom!

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My dear hubby got his MRI results for his back... unfortunately there is nothing they can do about it. He has degenerative disks and it's been from the years of wear and tear. At this point the surgeon is against surgery as he is too young, he is HIGHLY telling/advising Steve to get out of his current trade. At this point we are unsure of what the future holds career wise for him, we are hoping for an accommodation for the remainder of his contract, but he may get medically released... time will tell!

__________________

I finally have a good dent in my "to do" list. I finally applied for Tamaya's baby bonus, applied and have been approved for our loan to pay off the high credit card "Haiti debt", called for a couplep Canadian citizen application kit to finally apply for the 2 kids!!! (yeah, never have done it for Ty yet) sold my American airline voucher for 1/2 price, sold my ski-doo... and now I can concentrate on re-opening my daycare with no loose ends so to speak :-)

Snow day - Part 2...

2007-12-03T17:52:00.000-05:00

What did we do on our snow day? I dressed up the kids and took pictures ;-) I had to make sure Ty's suit still fit, and once he was all dressed up I figured I should take a couple snapshots so I got Tamaya dressed up as well. Tamaya has a extravagant dress that Steve's grandparents gave to her as a gift when she got home.

I have intentions to bring them to get some professional pictures taken, but I highly doubt I will get them in time for Christmas. So I may as well wait until the new year!

I'm not completely satisfied with my pictures and may try again another day - Ty was being SILLY, but here are a couple of the nice ones for your viewing pleasure..lol

Then this afternoon we headed outside to shovel the driveway. I don't even think we had that much snow all of last year!

Welcome to Canada Tamaya!!!

Snow day...

2007-12-03T09:50:00.000-05:00

I managed to get my Christmas decorations up yesterday. We decided against putting up the tree this year. We are going to be away for the holidays and have a special tree day planned for the kids at my parent house. We are going to "cut" the tree in the back yard (my parents are going to get a pre-cut tree and we are going to pretend to cut it for the kids..lol) Depending on the weather we may get some sliding in. We are going to put the Christmas carols on, make some hot cocoa and decorate the tree with my parents, my sister, Steve, the kids and I. I'm looking forward to it!

This morning I awoke to loads of snow. Steve had to shovel his way out of the driveway! As soon as I saw it I should of gone back to bed, I just knew it had to be a snow day for Ty. The kids slept in until almost 8 :-)

Domesticated?!?...

2007-11-28T20:13:00.000-05:00

Now I remember why I am NOT a from scratch baker...

My plan - Banana bread & banana nut muffins.

Instead of the premixed version like my usual baking strategy I called my mom and got my late grandma's recipe.

I took all the ingredients out to make it faster and easier on all of us. We mixed the wet, than the dry. Then mixed them together. The very last thing to do was mix the 2 cups of banana's (which I should of measure prior to, because I was about a 1/2 cup short) and 2 tsp of vanilla. As I was putting in the 2nd teaspoon of "vanilla" I noticed it didn't smell quite like the yummy aroma I was expecting?!? I looked at the bottle and realised I had just added red wine vinegar and NOT vanilla.... so, I did all I could do to scrape it out where it landed and hoped for the best..lol

I am happy to report my vanilla-less, vinegar banana bread/muffins do taste like the real deal!

Attachment & bonding...

2007-11-27T14:42:00.000-05:00

As far as my bonding with Tamaya goes, since I have been "aware" I have noticed some extra awwww moments. I have moments of looking at her and getting THE feeling. I have been taking extra time to spend some one on one fun, quality time with her - doing her nails, playing dolls. I have also been spending more time with her before bedtime just snuggling, singing to her and rubbing her back. It's just really been nice to enjoy her!

She love helping out and I have been making a conscious effort to include her in everything I do.

When she wakes up from her nap I plan on baking with her. (if she isn't up soon it may wait until I get Ty from the bus) - Pics to follow!

Just for you Dad!!!

2007-11-23T08:50:00.000-05:00

Click Here

My projects...

2007-11-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

I've been getting into my digital scrapbooking! Here is a preview of a couple projects I have completed. Unfortunately I can't share the whole album because they are going to be given as Christmas presents to a few family members, but here is the preview...

Part of the "first snow" album...

(click the pic to enlarge)

Part of my brother and sister album...

(click to enlarge)

Good week...

2007-11-17T21:34:00.000-05:00

We had a really good week... I actually took time for me during Tamaya's nap and felt refreshed. I put some nice soothing music, wrapped myself up in bed and just had some quiet time myself... and a couple times my relaxing brought me to a nice little snooze level :-). I love getting all snuggled up in my nice comfy blankets and just do absolutely nothing, it gives me such peace and tranquility.

I feel that now that I am aware I have been much more patient and have been taking some time to have special moments with Tamaya. I actually feel like I looked at her differently this week... I had many more awwww moments and I just really enjoyed her company. (more on that in another post)

I have to keep reminding myself that it is still very new... she has only been home a little over 2 months (plus our time together in Haiti), it does feel like she has been home soooo long, like she has always been part of our day to day, how quickly we forget!

Hubby and I have also spent some time talking, it's really nice to express my feelings and talk about how we can make things better!!! A lot of times we just kind of go on with life and neglect each other - not intentionally mind you, we just kind of forget to make time for each other... I feel like we are close again and its really nice.

Ty has had a few good notes from his teacher!!! He seems to be doing really good at school. He had one day where he got a not so nice "we had a hard day today" note, but the next day he was very remorseful and let his teacher know he was very sorry and that he was now ready to be a team!!! :-) After the note, I asked his teacher to call me, she said that besides that incident (I later realised Ty was up in the night!), Ty was a great little student and because of his curiosity and question asking he has helped other student feel as though they can also participate! She also said she finds him very funny :-) He has had a few hard moments at school that really hurt him. The first was a kid in his class called him poop, later I found out he called him poopy head- of course neither of those words are unacceptable, but could also have complete different meanings. I let the teacher know I was concerned and that if she could have a nice conversation about diversity I would greatly appreciate it. She said "of course" and seemed to be right on board with me. After the name calling we talked about how to handle such a situation. We talked about how we can let the name caller know we are NOT a "poopy head" and then let a teacher know right away so that she can deal with it.
So on Friday... he talked about an incident of being called stupid and he did handle the situation very well, but was very hurt.
I love the fact that he expressed his feeling about it and we were able to let him know he did a good job handling the situation.
I miss the little guy when he's gone to school, well wait... I don't miss him in the longing for him kind of way, but I certainly look forward to having him home!

Here are a few pics...

Helping mommy unload the dishwasher

Ty actually requested I take pictures of him and his sister, she's got the whole fake "cheese" going on, do you know how hard it is to take good pictures of 2 kids together.. nearly impossible!

Her bling and shirt match..lol

Cute, cute, cute!!

Being aware...

2007-11-12T09:14:00.000-05:00

Admitting what is going on and reflecting has certainly brought some issues forthright and now it's time to deal and make changes.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me... You know, one of those days were your heart is on your sleeve (maybe even brought on by hormones?!?) and you realise all of the problems around you that need to be addressed instead of being swept under the rug. Yeah.. I have been doing some sweeping and now it's time to work through some of my shit and make time for me! I have been through so much emotionally in the past year or so and now it's time to address those things so that I can be a better me, wife and mother.

I am looking forward to the change!

WOW... took the words right out of my mouth...

2007-11-10T18:12:00.000-05:00

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=536

OH MY GOSH... this is exactly how I'm feeling, and it so makes sense - I soooo don't want to go there like I've had to with Ty, plus the adoption stress while waiting. I knew I was ok and surely wasn't alone but at least now I feel more normal!!

Thank you so much Sarah for this link!!!

Attachment and adjustment stuff...

2007-11-10T11:41:00.000-05:00

I have really been struggling with this post. I guess when I really start thinking of what to write about such an intense, personal experience my mind start over thinking and all of a sudden I was also having to deal with issues surrounding my feelings, and how attachment issues and adjustment affects our family. Anyways I am ready to re-start this post for the umpteenth time and hope this one doesn't get deleted or neglected.

Tamaya's attachment is coming along. She seems to be much more secure and less traumatized than Ty was/is. She responds well to "normal" parenting and doesn't fight my parenting... however she certainly does TEST it from time to time, but I feel at this point it is normal testing boundaries as opposed to trauma reacting. She has had a few moments of a "fight", but with a whole lot of consistency and perseverance she did eventually give in!

I have been feeling more like a "trainer/teacher" than a loving mom with her. Setting clear boundaries is very important in attachment, it helps with feeling secure -however I am having a hard time find a good balance between quality time/bonding time and teaching.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her immensely, but I know it's not at the deep level it should be. I am certainly working on my bond to her as well... I guess that would be part of the whole adjusting on my part. I have thought about it long and hard to try and figure out WHY it's not all the way there yet and I have come up with a few theories that I am still trying to get to the bottom of, but I have come up with a plan to get me closer to her ( I will keep you posted as I go with what we are doing in terms of that)...

We are slowly still working on her bond/attachment to Steve. She does go to him, hugs him and knows he is her papa, but for now I am THE ONE that she runs to.. It has been stressful/busy on me and gives me limited time to refresh and unwind which is so important for me to function at my best..lol

We are working on some of her anxious attachment... She is getting better and better every time I leave (which has not been for more than 20 ish minutes, unless Ty is home because she seems more ok with that.. also this has only been with Steve as I don't feel we are ready for an outside babysitter any day soon!)... We are working on some play therapy, and me leaving more often for short periods of time to show her that I do always come back. I do not hide that I am leaving from her and let her know I am going for a few minutes and where I am going... and that I will come back. It seems to help that we have used that with Ty and he says 'Yeah it's true Tamaya, mom always come back"..lol

The great thing about Tamaya is that everything we have to work on I see sooooo as so obvious and because I have been through/still going through so much with Ty I feel much more attuned this time around...

So all in all things are not perfect and rosy- far from... but I do feel like things are coming together. Our experience bringing our 2 children home have been so different and in so many ways. With Ty it was love at first sight. He was a good "superficial charmer", (and still is actually in the presence of others) extremely needy, and developmentally delayed to the point he was more of a "baby" which made the bonding easier for me as he was very dependant...His issues came out a couple years after he came home which made them harder to detect until they were wayyyyy out of control.

I feel like as though we are getting somewhere and that things are coming together slowly but surely.

Some links that I have found interesting...

http://www.a4everfamily.org/
http://www.attach-china.org/
http://www.reactiveattachmentdisordertreatment.com/childattachchecklist.pdf

My beautiful children...

2007-11-05T22:21:00.000-05:00

I have been working on writing a post, bare with me! I was gathering thoughts and accidentally erased the post.. ARGHHHH!

In the meantime, here is a picture post :-)

Ty's school picture..lol

Tamaya's new hairdo, I still need to add some bling to it! I did yarn extensions and LOVE the way it turned out.

Getting real - part 1

2007-11-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

Here is a list of topics I will talk about in the next couple post.

- Attachment
- Adjustment
- Delayed reaction/honeymoon period
- Trauma - how we are addressing those issues

I will talk about how the above mentioned topics are for our family, as that is the only real experience I have. Of course no 2 children and parents are alike.. and we all do what works for ourselves.

If there is anything you want added to the topic let me know and I will add it ;-)

Bling'ing

2007-11-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

I love all the stuff I have in stock and was finding it difficult to make a decision on what to put in her hair since I have SOOOOO much selection ;-) So I took a few packs of co-ordinating barrels, flowers and snaps and went to town. When Ty came home from school he helped me load the easy beader. I thought that it was a great way for him to feel like he was part of hair time, plus it also helps with his fine motor skills :-)

This morning we all slept in, Ty missed the bus and I gave him the option of me driving him to school or he could stay home and have a personal day. He chose to stay home. After lunch Ty and I are going to snuggle up and watch a movie while Tamaya naps ;-)

Halloween post below (yeah 2 post in the past couple days???? I wonder if that means I am back to being a regular poster or if it's just because everything around me is lacking my attention and instead of doing what I should be I am blogging??? :-)

trick or treat...

2007-10-31T22:50:00.000-04:00

Soooooo the kids had fun..lol Mom on the other hand had one of those nights. It would have been a perfect 2 parent night. I personally found it very overwhelming.
I can totally understand Ty wanting to run from house to house (plus the whole excitement of Halloween), but Tamaya needs hand holding and he wanted to get ahead of us which really didn't work. So it was a nice short night they were out for an hour or so which was more than enough for them to hook me up with some loot ;-) I sure needed a little fix after coming home...lol

Keeping it real...

2007-10-29T21:44:00.000-04:00

So as you all know we have been dealing with some adjustment/attachment related stuff going on around here, I am willing to share what has been going on here...

I hope to be able to have a chance to sit down a write a very REAL view of what we have been experiencing (hopefully in the next couple days)... Of course I am in no way a professional, nor am I even close to being an experienced adjustment/attachment specialist, I just hope that by sharing what we have experienced it may also help someone else either feel very normal, or help see the signs. I will also write the attachment stuff about Ty and one with Tamaya because both of the 2 are soooo unique and different!

So here is hoping I get to it within the next couple days!

Is this the one???...

2007-10-29T08:34:00.000-04:00

Soooooo, we went to see this house yesterday. It's a 1990 build that is in need of some TLC - it needs a new roof, the windows may last a couple years?, a new front deck (the current one is rotten), new flooring and carpeting throughout, the hardwood floors need refinishing, it needs to have a complete paint/putty job and the kitchen would eventually be replaced or painted or something. (I HATE IT!!!), plus because it a country road, it's also well and septic that is unknown territory for us!

Now the positives....It is on a country road nestled on 6.5 acres, it has the interior and exterior space we want, plus the added bonus of a small sun room, a 2nd floor loft/family room with skylights, a garage and large shed. It has character and I can totally see ourselves in it once our Reno's are done.

It's a scary venture! I think our realtor thought "Oh, Sue will so not like this", but there is something about this one... I haven't felt like this about a house yet. The house it priced over our "budget", but we are HOPING we can get a MAJOR price drop because of all the work that needs to be done... plus the house is sitting empty and we assume that slight desperation to sell may be to our advantage. Sooooo lots to think about!

Feel free to give me your opinion to help us make the decision..lol

The house...

The side yard...

some of the back yard...

The view from an upstairs bedroom, including the drive way/front yard.

The window trim, (character)...

the living room w/wood burning fireplace...

The spacious kitchen I don't care for... (it looks better in the picture)

The dining room, cute shutters ;-) ...

The loft w/ skylights (it sits over the garage)...

the view from the loft... the 3 bedrooms

Photo post / overwhelmed...

2007-10-27T22:28:00.000-04:00

This week has been crazy busy... I think I am slightly overwhelmed :-)

First off I have been dealing with adjustment/attachment related stuff with Tamaya (and me too, having to work on a couple things), she has really been testing the boundaries and has been clearly *trying* to push me away. She also has a very insecure attachment to me, if I leave for even a minute she is in full blown tears and screeching/screaming. So we have a few things to work on here - The honeymoon is either over or she is reacting to having the other little one here?!? I guess we will see next week when I'm done with childcare for this family, as their regular sitter is done her vacation and will have them back!

- plus I have one of the worst colds I've ever had in my life

- plus I have a mountain of paper work/bills to pay/applications to mail out; kids citizenship, Baby-Bonus etc etc...

-plus I have to finish setting up the business tax stuff/get out to buy a new printer/invoicing program

-plus get someone in to replace out hot-water tank

-plus figure out if we are going to buy a new house, or put more into this one (this needs to be figured out soon because if we are staying here, we are going to remortgage to renovate/add to it and pay off the "Haiti stay" debt with that or if we buy another house, we will use the profit from this house to pay that off... but in the meantime the high interest is adding up...so that needs to be figured out ASAP!

So yeah, like I said I am a little overwhelmed right now!!! I keep telling myself to take baby steps, do one thing at a time and all will eventually come together...

_________________________________

BEFORE...

AFTER...

Isn't he lovely... isn't he beautiful After bath...
He is laughing very, very hard because he decided to "flash" me and I ended up taking a picture... then every other pic I tried to take he would wait until the red light on my cam came back on and repeated this numerous time... Boys will be boys???

They are having toooo much fun ;-)

Tamaya stacking blocks

Ty's imaginative play...

Normalcy awwwww....

2007-10-22T22:14:00.000-04:00

OH my... where do I start. On the weekend we went to the annual pumpkin patch. It's a get-together of families that have adopted from Haiti and other parts of the Caribbean. It was so nice to see my old friends, as well as meet new faces.

Ty is still talking about it and I really think it helped him put a few pieces together and not feel so alone (or not belonging) He was very interest in his new friend Douby while we were out for dinner and commented that he had the same hair.
Tamaya was so excited when she saw her little buddy Andreas. They had been living together at the orphanage for the past couple years. She immediately recognized him and just LOVED being with him the whole time. Ironically Andreas and Tamaya both came home the same day and on the same plane. I had gone on a couple visit trips to Haiti with Ruth (Andreas mom) and we often joked that the kids would come home the same day - I never thought it would really happen!

Here is a pic of Tamaya and Andreas together in Haiti!

Tamaya and one of her nannies on one of our visits back to the Orphanage

This is a pic of Tamaya the week we left. I find she looks so much younger?

______________________________________

On other news; I have my web business up and running. I have a few minor details to work out, but check it out. I am only going to be selling to Canada, but for my American and other country readers you can still order from the US site ;-) www.snapaholics.com/ca I will also "hair-blog" and will let you all know when I have that up and running :-)

_______________________________________

This next week is going to be super busy. I am doing back-up childcare. I am "testing" it out and if all works out I will start my daycare again. Unfortunately my parental leave was Pre-Tamaya arrival and now I have to get real and make some money to pay some bills :-) Freaken bills eh!

My plan (and I use the word "plan" word very lightly) is to get an album of picture of my Haiti trip up this week.

Besides all that life is well. The kids are doing really good. I'm happy to report I haven't had a laundry problem since my arrival.

I am doing good and life here is "normal" WOW :-)

Hair, Hair, fun hair!...

2007-10-18T12:51:00.000-04:00

I did Tamaya's hair yesterday. I think it's the first time I actually had a plan and went with it. I have been having so much fun experimenting and trying out new things, but this time I wanted a style that would last a few weeks (well I hope it does!) Last week I did coils, but they lasted a day, and had to be refreshed everyday... just maintaining the coils took 30 minutes a day to get a week out of it. Trial and error I guess ;-)

These cornrows took me about 4 hours. The longest part of it is separating the initial rows, the actually braiding is easy. I broke it up for her. I was just about done the top when it was time to get Ty off the bus, so we finished it after supper with a 15 minute play break! I am amazed at how long she sits there without complaining!?! Towards the end she was getting sick of it, but when I explained it wouldn't be too much longer then she could have a sticker and candy she was good to go.

Some cute pics...

2007-10-16T11:44:00.000-04:00

Tamaya decided to give one of Ty's little men a bath?!? Apparently she got quite comfy with her sippy cup in tow, sitting down having a blast... she wasn't having so much fun when she got caught though!!! :-) When I asked her what in the world she was doing she did the "instant arm over eyes, I am so in trouble... maybe she won't see me" things that she does so well.

What's up with kids and the water dish? I swear every daycare child plus my own have all have fun playing with it.

and the never ending roll of toilet paper?!?

speaking of toilet paper, my darling is doing VERY good. She is now starting to ask to go ;-) She usually has about one accident a day, but she has had some fully dry days too!!!

playing around...

2007-10-16T11:35:00.001-04:00

My new scrapbooking program - This page is nothing fancy, but I am enjoying getting to know the "effects" and the different things I can do with it. Now I just have to find time to actually sit and do some and maybe I will actually feel like I have a hobby...ummm...I mean some me time!!!

Click to enlarge

Child slaves in Haiti - restavek...

2007-10-13T09:21:00.000-04:00

I'm a big kid now?!?...

2007-10-10T21:02:00.000-04:00

My lovely daughter had already had the "intro" to the potty while she was at Marijke's. Occasionally at the hotel she asked to go on the toilet, but it was usually after she had a pee in her diaper. She has also been hinting she was ready, but until I really had time to devote to it and make it successful I wasn't going to push it.

Soooooooo.... now we have the princess panties and ready to give it a go... (gotta tell you about the princess panties later!!!) She has had panties on for the past few days, she has had some success, some accidents....and this morning had a POOP on the potty as well ;-) - yeah too much info, but that's what I'm dealing with so you will hear about the poop and all..lol

So yeah, about the princess panties... I was telling Ty the other day he needed new underwear as his are all getting to small. Do you know where I'm going with this???..lol He came home from school and all the Wal-Mart bags were still on the table. While I was taking the panties out he asked if those were his sisters.

"No Ty, those are yours."

"but MOMMMMM those are girl panties",

"well Ty, the panties were on sale and I figured since you could wear them under your clothes no one will know, they won't be able to see them".

"Ohhhh?!?" he says looking VERY confused.

"Ty they are pretty aren't they? Are you ok with that? Like I said no one will see them"

"OK mom" Not looking impressed at all.

Then I took out his packages of underwear out of the bags and his face lite up.

"MOM those are mine right?"

"yes, Ty of course they are, do you really think I would have made you wear girl underwear?"

"You're silly mom, you played a trick on me!!!"

2007-10-09T15:32:00.000-04:00

This was too cute not to share... oh the life of a mom ;-)

Just babbling...

2007-10-08T08:59:00.000-04:00

It looks like I am becoming a once/twice a week blogger. At this point that seems to be the only time I've got... and even then I usually start a post that ends up in my drafts never to be seen again... (this post in particular was started this morning, and posted late evening...lol)

I have been trying to read my favorite blogs, but it seems my computer time has been slightly altered :-) Maybe once Steve is back to work this week I will have more time during nap time to get on here!

As far as "adjustment" is going, Ty had his worst meltdown yet. It was like nothing I've ever seen him do before. Maybe it's because I haven't had to deal with them in so long, but in a nutshell it lasted at least an hour, he was hitting, biting, kicking, swearing... you name it he was doing it. I had to physically restrain him, and it ended with him bumping his head on the door hinge while he was jumping, to finally shake him out of it! He ran into my arms as he needed his mommy because he was hurt, but in the meantime he was still trying to push me away. He finally sat there and cried. I sat close to him to reassure him that if he needed maman I was there with him. I had a cry. When he acts like that I feel like there is nothing I can do and it hurts me to no end. I wish I could just understand what he is feeling deep down and "fix" it for him.

Besides that episode...

We had our Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. I haven't done a turkey yet, and don't have any plans to make one anytime soon..., I do little whole chickens. It gives us more than enough meat for supper, and enough for sandwiches the next day. The kids both ate a whole adult plate - full of chicken, potatoes, stuffing, butternut squash tarts and pea's & carrots. I couldn't believe the quantity they both consumed, plus they both had desert!

Ty is doing great with his sister. I would say that 99% of the time they actually get along and want to be with each other. It's such a wonderful, beautiful thing to see their love grow... I love when she calls him "Tynonone", he laughs and repeats it. It's too cute!

Tamaya's such a ham, she has been "testing" mommy. At this point she is super easy to parent. A usual "do you need a time out", or " if you do that again you will have a time out" is enough for her to listen... however, it's not like that all the time ;-), but when I do have to give her a time out she does it gracefully and doesn't fight it. Ty has more of a problem when I discipline her than she does. - go figure.

Today was clean up day and the kids helped out and were so great. Ty helped to emptied the garbage, then went and got his toy vacuum and went all over the house. Tamaya had a rag and "dusted" with mommy. She helped to do the beds and while I was folding the laundry she put the socks together. She actually folded the socks together... I couldn't believe it.

I am going to head to bed, for real this time ;-) Here are a few pics of the kids from the weekend.

Making their money boxes...

Tamaya coloring...

Eating a tart...
Fun tub time, plus hair washing...

I can handle this life...

2007-10-03T22:05:00.000-04:00

Wow, everything is so awesome.

I am tired right now from catching up on everything since coming home. We had a laundry catch up day from our trip back home. BUT... I am proud to announce it is DONE, FOLDED and even put away... including Tamaya's and my bedding. Steve and I got together and scrubbed the house. I made phone calls, one in particular to American airlines (if you remember I had a slight problem with a return flight!!!) I still need to write head office for my side of things, but they did give me a voucher for $800 for Tamaya's ticket. I don't see myself going anywhere soon, but at least it's not totally lost and I can purchase tickets for anyone - so if anyone is going anywhere with AA let me know and I can use up my credit and give you a discount. I also got things organised to pay bills (URGHHH BILLS SUCK) I finally got my totals from my trip to Haiti and OH MAN it was more than I expected... $13 500.00 - how's that for a freaken choker, and that's no including what her adoption cost us!!! ( but..I would do it again in a heartbeat) Now I just need a plan to make this debt not hurt so much with the high credit card interest charges, like take out a loan or something. I will have to start working soon... ;-) I am starting an on-line business venture that I will share with you all soon, I have also been busy trying to get that up and running.

Did I mention how much I love, love, love being a mommy!!! My little miracles are doing well. Ty is adjusting very well to having his new sister. It seems everyday that passes brings them closer together. There is NORMAL sibling rivalry, which I can sooooo live with. Ty is becoming himself again which makes things so much easier. He is a pro at his morning routine and has time to spare before we bring him to the bus.

Tonight we had such a nice family evening. I made a roast in the crock pot and we enjoyed dinner as a family (as we do every night) Afterwards we all hung out in my room, the kids were blowing farts on my belly (Ty teaching his sister very, very fun stuff!!!) we had some tickling sessions and some daddy and kid rough housing!!! It was one of those awwww moments for sure. We all laughed so much. Then it was time for story and a tuck in and bedtime (another one of my favorites..lol).

My children are so cool. I have the best of both sexes. Ty is all boy... and boy oh boy he is all boy. Tamaya on the other hand is very much a girly girl. A great example of the great differences is when I make my bed in the morning.... for years I would make my bed, and while I was in the process of making it Ty would decided it looked like the perfect time to jump all over it. Now my darling GIRL helps me make it... for real!!! and she loves helping. She is so "tidy" with the toys, she places everything nicely when she is playing, while Ty would dump the bucket on the ground (still does actually) when she is done playing she picks up the toys without even being asked?!?! Ty would need a few stern looks and "c'mon man" to even think of doing it..lol Tamaya is great for being sensitive which seems to be a little on the drama queen side of things, you know - on the whiner side, while Ty is a rough and tough, suck it up kind of guy. If Ty is crying it's usually a very serious thing. If she cries it's usually because her feelings are hurt. So all in all am having fun embracing both side of the sexes.. the good, the bad and the ugly.. ;-)

I do plan on putting some pics and video up of the kids soon. Hopefully by the weekend I will have time to get the camera out... life is slightly busier now and I struggle to find time to even sit down to do anything... so bare with me until I catch up..lol, if that will ever happen :-)

Still alive and well...

2007-09-28T08:05:00.000-04:00

Touching the dog... all by herself for the first time!!!

Ty and Tamaya playing "pretend to sleep" with all her dolls also all tucked in.

Laughing because they are now awake!!!

Pretty little girl...

looking outside the window... waiting for Ty?

I can't believe how busy life has gotten now with our new addition. Tamaya is doing GREAT, she is now best friends with our dog, she calls me when she wakes up now :-) and she is just to cute! We finally got her health card and brought her to the doctors. She is right where she should be for her age, which is very rare in international adoptions. We got her vaccination schedule started and we have some blood test to get done, but we will get to that next week. I don't want to overwhelm her with needles. Tamaya had her first taste of a McDonald's kids meal yesterday. She ate the entire thing. I couldn't believe it!

Ty is doing better each day. He and his sister are playing so much better, there is normal sibling rivalry and besides being tired from long days at school, emotionally he seems to be "coming back" and adjusting well. He had a Terry Fox walk with his class and parents were invited to join their children. His teachers all told me he was doing great and listened well... so I am glad to hear he does actually act better with others than at home..lol His teacher also told me that she had a good laugh. She was telling Ty how well he was doing and he went up to her and said " Since I am doing so good, can you call my mom and let her know"! She explained it took many, many good days before she calls mom's for good behavior, but that it was a good try. My little man is too cute!!!

As for me, I think life as a parent of 2 is becoming everyday life. I seem to be adjusting well, routines are falling into place. (THANK GOODNESS!!!!) My laundry and house are back in order and caught up. Everything seems to be taking twice as long to accomplish now... bathing, creaming and hair styles, everything take so long now..lol but I have a system. The kid bath together, I get her out while Ty is still playing, cream her, brush her teeth and get her pj's on... then its his turn, it takes about an hour, and I am hoping I can get it down to 30-40 mins max..lol Having Steve home on leave is also helping everything come along. It's nice to be able to spend these first few weeks of her being home dual parenting and watching them bond!!!

All in all everything is going well. We are now back home for the weekend. Our families will finally all get to meet Tamaya. We got in late last night and the children barely slept on the way, plus were up super early... should be a great day..lol

Where did the week go?

2007-09-23T06:53:00.000-04:00

Wow this week seemed to go by so fast, and so much has happened.

Tamaya has really been adjusting well. We are still working on the sleep thing (her not letting me know she is up!) She is doing much better than what she was while we were in Haiti. She's not as aggressive anymore, she listens very well, and all in all she is loving life here and adjusting very well! Parenting a girl is sooooo different. I just have to tell her something once, she is calm, has an attention span, she is not a runner...lol Yeah I remember SO well the 2's with Ty and they were NOTHING like this..lol

Ty, Ty, Ty... what a little piece of work. As much as I love my son he can certainly get the best of me. I do really understand he is going through soooo much, but.... He has been mean to Tamaya, tells her constantly he doesn't like her that he will bring her back to Haiti, he hits/pushes her. And she just adores him so much, which is hard to watch. He has been bed wetting. He has been sneaking stuff and hiding the evidence (drank a can of cola, I found snack wrappers behind the couch and under the bed). It's going to take a whole lot more work and a whole lot of patience... but we will get through this with him. Thank goodness he is too cute and I am so committed to helping him out..lol

Steve is doing well. Yesterday morning he got out and enjoyed a few hours of hunting with a friend. He is enjoying his roll as a new dad. He has been awesome at helping out and all in all everything in regards to bonding with Tamaya is coming together. I don't know how I would do it all without him. As we speak he is out in the forest fake "hunting" with Ty. Ty has his bright orange hat on, and his water gun..lol Male bonding at it's best!!!

I am adjusting..lol My house is back in order, my laundry is caught up and I am in good spirits. Yesterday was my record hard day and it took everything not to pop a wig. A few days ago I had another bout of "whatever I had" I went to the hospital/clinic to get checked out. I probably brought a little parasite friend home and to make matters worst, I awoke with a major kink in my neck yesterday morning... but all in all everything is working out. I am feeling better, again.

My gosh I love this...

2007-09-19T08:33:00.000-04:00

Random pics

Crazy kid...

I can't tell you how glad I am that we are finally dealing with the good/real stuff. The anticipation of her homecoming was long coming and I so dreamt of the day that we would finally be adjusting. Finally I can focus solely on my children and WOW it's so wonderful. So as much as it may sound like I am "complaining" it is the furthest from what I am feeling or doing. I am just trying to journal our adjustments and give all a glimpse of how life is once you add a new adopted child into your life! It's GREAT!!! It's so miraculous and boy oh boy I can't even come close to expressing how much I love my children.

Ty's seems to be doing good at school. He talked about how he made the teacher laugh yesterday by acting like a chicken. I hope it was at an appropriate time 'cause I know he can be a clown sometimes..lol I haven't gotten a note yet from school so I am assuming he is doing OK..lol When we went to get him at the bus stop yesterday afternoon he was sitting in the back with the big kids and he said they all thought he was cute and cool...lol (Our friends daughter/our sitter takes the same bus and he sat with her and met all her friends "the big kids")

We had a rough evening with Ty last night, He was really contrary and wouldn't do anything we asked him at all evening. Finally he had a good cry and a good pout. I think we are getting somewhere. His fits are getting "normal kid" again and not so meltdowny which makes us feel really good and feel like we are doing alright in helping him get through this. I am really doing everything I can to spend extra quality time with him. I was hoping to surprise him with a movie date this weekend, but my Tamaya is not ready to be without maman and be alone with papa yet. So I will organise a movie date for Ty and I for Saturday while she is napping.

Ty had a good morning ;-) He did everything "speedy" and earned a sticker/$0.25. We even made time for a quick game of buckaroo before running out the house. He won, and tonight when he gets in from school we are going to have another match..lol

While I was gone my parents night trained him and the first couple days I was home he regressed and had accidents. He also earns a big sticker is he stays dry and gets a dollar. He has stayed dry for a few nights in a row now ;-) He has decided that he will buy himself a stroller for his dolls with his money. A friend of ours bought one for Tamaya and he thinks it's pretty cool and he insists that he needs one as well ;-)

Tamaya, my dear Tamaya..lol She had a feisty moment yesterday (so I guess my dreaming was exactly that... just a dream!!) She was very much "herself". Steve had left for a couple hours in the afternoon and I guess she felt very comfortable and had a moment. She pushed me when I told her NO and then proceeded to *try* to bite me. After she got her time-out she straightened up and was good again, but I did laugh when it was all done considering I had thought "wow she is being pretty good..lol"

She went to the cats this morning and pet our ol' grumpy Sam. Of the cat she chose to like, he is the one that has the most attitude and if he is not pet where he likes it, he is apt to give a loving little bite. Luckily Steve was watching his/her every move.

I am feeling so much better. I have more energy, I am sleeping better. Yesterday I managed to get my main floor cleaned up. (today I tackle the basement and laundry folding - my million loads... ARGHH) Little miss princess followed me everywhere while I was scrubbing and was a good little helper. This morning she helped make the beds, and loves being a part of whatever I am doing. I was worried about how she would react to the vacuum, she screeched at first and then when I asked if she wanted to help me she ran to me and helped and was no longer scared (THANK GOD, "cause life here without a vacuum would mean a whole lot o hair in the fro's..lol)

Everything is starting to feel like the new normal, I feel like my routine is coming together, and I am going to try real hard to forgive myself if I can't do it all.

My gosh am I ever in awwww and LOVE, LOVE every moment of this!!!

A little adjustment update...

2007-09-17T21:19:00.000-04:00

For the most part things are going fairly well and we are taking things around here day by day.. sometimes minute by minute.

Some moments are GREAT and I get chocked up just seeing my children together and other moments I am wondering where I am going to find the strength to deal with certain things. I, of course, wouldn't change it for the world, but some issues have been tough to say the least!

Ty is really having a hard time adjusting to all the changes (mom having been away, school and of course his new sister) and we are working really hard at getting him back to a safe place. He has had a few meltdowns since Tamaya's arrival, but they didn't go as far as they used to (which is a good sign that he *should* bounce back quickly once he is feeling secure again). We are going to continue to work really hard with him and hopefully this will be a thing of the past very soon ;-) I really feel for the poor little guy. His world has changed so much in these past few months and I know that his acting out is part of all the stress he has had to endure. Now that school has started and he likes it, hopefully the stress/anticipation of that will be eliminated a part of his stress and we can work on the new sister deal..lol

The day before yesterday in the morning Ty and Tamaya were playing so great together. It was one of those "wow" moments and I finally felt like both of them started to understand what we expect from them....until later that day when Tamaya awoke from her nap and all hell broke loose and neither of them were cooperative..lol (Yeah I can laugh about it now)

Tamaya is doing good. She is doing better here at home than she was at the hotel. I don't know if her feistyness will come out soon, or maybe being home has broke her of it.. (a girl can dream... right???!!!)

The only O behavior that is very obvious is her not letting me know when she is awake. I have to constantly check to make sure she is not awake and "waiting" for me to come get her. After the first sleepless night of co-sleeping with her and Ty. I opted to let her sleep alone in her own room. I figured considering we had done co-sleeping for almost 2 months and Ty would have a MAJOR problem if his sister was having "sleeping overs" with mom and he wasn't, it was better for everyone sake to have her in her room. I figured it was best to just begin where it would end up being anyways, and she has not protested going to bed once so I figure she must be OK with it.

She is still scared of the dog, but we have been doing "Misty-out" sessions for an hour here and there. Yesterday she played with Ty on the ground while Misty was less than a foot away from her... it's getting better, but she is still not comfortable around her, especially when the dog is hyper. She lets us know when she wants us to put the dog away so it's on her terms.

She is eating well and will try anything. We loved watching her expression yesterday while she tried her first pickle. The funniest part was when she kept taking bite after bite and with every bite she had the same sour reaction.

She's a ham, she is so full of life and my time with her really helped with our AT HOME life. There are many things she got to experience in Haiti that I believe prepared her for her homecoming. In Haiti we went to the supermarket... so she experienced carts, so when we went to Wal-mart it wasn't overload. (plus it was an early Monday run so the store was pretty empty) She is eating much slower and doesn't feel the need to empty her entire plate when she is full. Her mouth fulls/bites are now"normal" sized, she is no longer shoving the entire piece of "whatever" in her mouth. So all in all she is adjusting well. She is getting closer to Steve day by day, but occasionally will not have anything to do with him.

As for me, I'm doing well. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but I seem to be getting into the grove of things. My mom and sister left yesterday and I am hoping to concentrate on getting a routine started. I weighed myself and was surprised to see that I have lost 15 lbs since I left to go to Haiti. I am feeling much better health wise today so hopefully it will stay that way ;-)

I will get back to cleaning the house. My goal is to get the upstairs tackled today and deal with the laundry mound/basement tomorrow! I can do it, yes I can!!!

First day of school...

2007-09-17T11:55:00.000-04:00

I expected to be more emotional sending Ty off to school this morning, but I had quite the opposite feeling. ;-) I actually felt a sense of joy and this is probably in part that the morning was stressful to say the least. He certainly fought me and was not cooperative. (more on that later re: the adjustment around here) But we did make it to the bus with time to spare because I introduced the morning sticker reward program. (yeah.. I rock!!!)

We came home, got in the van and met him at school after his bus arrived to make sure he had a good bus ride! It was our little plan for months and I was so glad I was able to follow through on my promise to him. I arrived after he was in the school yard and he was chasing the older girls around.. such a little flirt..lol

So besides that the house is very, very quiet. Tamaya is down for her nap and I can actually hear myself think. I am taking this afternoon easy and will indulge in a little nap. Since coming back home I haven't been sleeping well and my gut is still not right, so I figure a little me time is in order to refresh.

2007-09-15T20:11:00.000-04:00

This is all just sooooo WOW!!!

2007-09-15T06:43:00.000-04:00

I am sure the next few weeks I will be blogging like crazy. I feel like I have so much to talk about and let out.

Finally having her home is absolutely fabulous. To wake up and not have to think of "when is my life going to be able to start" is what I have been looking forward to for so long. No adoption stress... just being able to be a parent to 2 and just concentrated solely on them and their needs is so wonderful.

I am so happy I had the chance to do the trauma therapy training. It is helping me understand both of my children so well. Ty is doing great - I have been able to recognise and understanding his needs so clearly. I have been making it a point to spend some extra special time with him while she is napping and/or gone to bed so that we still have "dates" together. Yesterday at nap time, Ty and I went to the barbers to get him his hair cut. Last night after she went to bed we had some "normal routine" snuggle time as well. I am really trying to make sure his adjustments and needs are met and I think I am doing a good job thus far.

I am so happy I got to spend time with Tamaya in Haiti. A whole lot of the key bonding I got to do with her in Haiti. She clearly knows who her maman is and there is no confusion about it...lol I am looking forward to when she is well bonded to Steve as well so I can get away for a few hours for some much needed me time ;-) She knows who papa is, and approaches him slowly. They have had some special moments... but all will come with time. Steve has now started his leave for the next 3 weeks, which will be great to get this bonding/family time on the road!

Tamaya and Ty are so similar in so many ways. They both have very strong personalities... I thought this would be a negative, but I can see how its working out. For example, Ty took a toys from her and she had no problems letting him know that NO it was hers and he backed off..lol Often times a child that is with Ty could potentially just give in and same is true with her... She has no problems letting him know when she is unhappy with the situation, and neither does he. I played referee the first couple days and now they seem to be able to find a way to work things out (with my watchful "hairy" eyeballs of course..lol)

All in all Tamaya is a sweet, loving toddler. She is so full of life, so full of energy, so full of love. Her speech is good (in french) and she is able to communicate with me what she needs. She fully understands me and has since the beginning which has really helped us both. It's actually even helping Ty talk a bit of French again. She is a copycat which is good, she will repeat any words that I ask her to, and even when I don't. Her favorite words to repeat are "relax and calm"..lol and when she says them its too funny. She calls Ty either Tom or Tyrorone..lol
When I give her "THE LOOK" she will often look at me and give kisses in the air... yup, another comedian in the house. I can assure you when those sweet little lips start the muah, muah, muah in the air, all of what she was getting the look for usually is forgotten and brings a laugh out and she knows it works.

My love for her is unbelievable! It's the real deal, the real momma love that she has so deserved for so long and boy oh boy was she ever worth every pain staking moment of this hell of a roller coaster ride. I finally have my 2 children and hubby exactly where they belong, under our roof, in my presence and never ever again will I have to long for the day that my family is complete, because it is... It's done!!! WOW!

2007-09-14T17:19:00.000-04:00

A little bit of a whole lot of feelings...

2007-09-14T05:49:00.000-04:00

Everything is so surreal. I am so happy to be home and to finally be started our adjustment period. It's nothing like I expected!!!

Where do I start?

Being a parent of 2 has so many different challenges. I am looking forward to the day when it is just a natural everything day part of my life and that I am used to it..lol I have been sick these past couple days (with the same thing I had the 2nd week I was in Haiti) and I am still exhausted, so I am really trying hard to make sure that even though I am not feeling well both of my children's needs are met. My mom is here for the next few days to help out (THANK GOD), I have yet to unpack the van. My house is a mess and I need to get myself into a routine to keep my sanity..lol But for now my kids come first and all will fall into place (soon I hope..lol)

Ty has NOT started school yet :-) when my mom went in on Monday to register him they suggested he start on Wednesday, well Wednesday came and there was no way I was going to send him after we had all pulled an all nighter. So I have decided some much needed family time was in order and he is going to start this coming Monday. I didn't miss his first day of school!!!! HOW COOL IS THAT.

Ty is doing remarkably well thus far. I am surprised at some of the reactions he has had. The first time I gave his sister a time-out (because she kicked him) he was upset with me and started giving me a blast. I sat with him and explained that although he really cared about her, she wasn't allowed to hit, kick etc. That she had to also follow the rules and that eventually she would also learn everything he did. He was ok with that explanation and when she came out of her punishment he told her he didn't like it when she kicked and she had to say sorry to him..lol The next time Tamaya had a time-out his reaction was not a bad as the first, but he was very up-set because she was hitting and kicking me. When she was coming out of her time-out he took her by the hand and said "c'mon and sit down, we need to have a talk"...lol I have had to remind him a few times that I was the mom.. ;-)
He has only said I am not her brother anymore a couple times.. ;-) He muttered under his breath that he was going to bring her back to Haiti. but he has also loved on her, given her hugs, offered her his favorite pillow, and is doing all he can to be a good big brother. It's pretty amazing to see really.
Last night when I was done given tamaya her bath and he was still in the tub he screamed out "hey mom I need to be cared for to you know!" I took it as my hint that he needed some extra mommy time.. ;-) So all in all my son is doing ok!

Tamaya's been having some BIG adjustments to our home life. She was petrified when she met the pets. I figured she would be considering she would freak if she even seen an animal on TV in our room at the hotel. She is now ok if the cats are in the same room and she even poked Jake (the Siamese) yesterday while he was sitting on my lap. She still screeches when she sees the dog, but it will come with time I am sure. She was freaked out by walking on carpet the first time, but now she is ok with it.

Having spent a whole lot of time bonding with her alone she is actually having a hard time sharing me with Ty. I never really thought that it would be her that would be jealous of him, but considering our pre-home bonding I can certainly understand. She is eating well and sleeping well. She is enjoying spending time with Ty and they get supper crazy together. The noise level in the house has gone up a WHOLE bunch. We have been keeping quiet here for the most part. We did go for a little walk up and down the road and she loves running around outside with Ty. She chases him around and he loves it. She is such a cutie pie and such a great addition to our family. She is ALL girl and loves getting dressed in her new FALL/WINTER clothes..lol Thank goodness I spent so much time in Haiti... she at least got to wear her summer clothes.

Well I should get going to start my day. I am sure it will be very interesting..lol

I will be sure to post more pics today ;-)

2007-09-12T22:19:00.000-04:00

lounging in her bikini by the pool the day before we left.

At the airport waiting to board our plane

Bye-bye... On the plane coming home

Finally my 2 children together...

Checking out her new bro...

Playing with her dolls (AT HOME!!!)...

Playing dolls with her bro

My children together at last...

HOME SWEET HOME...

2007-09-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

Everything happened so fast these last couple days. On Monday I received news in the afternoon that Tamaya's passport was done. I called American Airlines to book my tickets to come home for Thursday/Friday and was told I no longer had a credit towards my flight because I had not used it within a month (I was told my credit was good for a year!) So I called Air Canada... it was a long shot that I would get on the next day flight, but I would at least try. There was 2 tickets available in first class and I booked them right away. Tuesday morning I ran to the O directors house to get my paper work so that I could apply for her visa and within 20 minutes our lady at the embassy had us good to go with time to spare to catch our flight :-)

When we arrived in CANADA the immigration line was endless and I knew there was NO way I would be able to catch my connecting flight to Ottawa from Montreal. I was determined to get home strait away and managed to catch a last minute bus going from Montreal to Ottawa.

Tamaya and I were greeted at the bus depot at 2am by Ty, Steve and my mom and my aunt Martha!!! I cried like a baby when I held Ty again and my mom held Tamaya. We got home at 4ish and it was nice to finally be home safe and sound.

Tamaya is having her nap. The adjustment to Canadian life has now started for her. The car seats, the pets and just plain ol' being part of of family of four.

I will post pictures in the next day or 2 I am sooooo tired and just running on adrenaline..lol

Thanks again for all of your support and kind words, it was needed and well appreciated.

Sue

maybe next weekend...

2007-09-07T20:08:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't been really good at up-dating. I have been trying really hard to find out the status of things. Our file was finally released from MOI after much pressure put on the director. It was released to immigration on Monday and when we got to immigration to apply for her passport there was conflicting info in her documents that has had to be changed. (the form I needed to get her out of MOI is the one causing her problem - go figure)

We are now hoping her passport will be applied for on Monday and we are told we should have it in hand by Wednesday...lol *I WILL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT* Her Canadian visa will only take an hour to get, then I need a travel visa to travel through the U.S. with her, and that should take a day to get. So as slow as things are going there has been so slow and steady progress and I can't wait to get home to my Ty and Steve.

We have waited as long as we can to put off getting Ty into school so I wouldn't miss his first day of school, but now her starts on Monday and I will miss getting him off to school. It breaks my heart :-( I guess as a very involved mom never thought in a million years that I would have missed this very special milestone. I guess I can't be in 2 places at once!

This has been a long, hard fight and I will be so happy when it's OVER and I have my family all together under one roof.

Thanks for all your support I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much I need it!

Sue

still here...

2007-08-31T21:37:00.000-04:00

For anyone wondering I am still here in Haiti. 5 weeks and counting!!!

Our file has now been signed out (for real this time) and it *should* be released to passport on Monday morning. I really do hope so!!!

I won't go into to many details until I get home, but I can tell you that without my friends help there is no way I would be anywhere near coming home with her.

I am hoping to be home next weekend!

Keep your fingers crossed for us

Sue

Staying until the bitter end...

2007-08-24T21:33:00.000-04:00

Today I have made the decision that I will be staying until the end. After mulling it over I think me leaving my baby girl would be devastating for the both of us, and at this point I just can't do it. Besides if I leave I really don't trust anything will get done without ME being on top of it. I can guarantee once I get home I will have a whole lot of things to talk about, for now I really just want to concentrate on getting her home though.

Today I have gone to the Canadian embassy and received the application to redo her expired medical. I will do that while I am waiting for my O director to return from France so I can get the dang paper to get my file released from MOI. I figure if I am here I may as well be doing something to stop the end delays. A few weeks back when we had the O director over for dinner I had mentioned Tamaya's medical would expire on the 27th, but she assured me I would be home long before than, I said well lets just get it done so we can avoid a further delay and she pretty much flat out told me NO, (hmmmm, I guess I should have gone ahead and done it anyways eh... URGGGGGH) Whatever though... must be that I know nothing eh!?!

Well I can see I have now turned this into a rant..lol.

I will keep you all posted and hopefully I can figure out a way to post a couple pics soon :-)

Lies, lies and more lies...

2007-08-22T16:14:00.000-04:00

Well I was mislead. Our file was NOT released from the ministry of interior for passport and now we actually need a form done from the orphanage (O) director to put with our dossier before it will be released. Finally I was told the truth that nothing was going to be done until my orphanage director comes back. I was being told daily they would bring the needed paper everyday and NOT doing it. As I had said in the previous post our O director is gone to France and nobody here that she has left in charge are able/willing to help. The other O director was unable to help as this paper can only be done by my O director, URGGGGHHHHH.

Now that we have these further delays and nobody here to fix them Tamaya's medical for her visa will expire this Monday adding another delay to her homecoming because we will have to get it re-done. (keep in mind her medical was done a year ago, and they only do them when they feel the child is very close to coming home!, also 2 weeks ago I told my O director that it would expire and she should set up an appointment for me to bring her and she assured me not to worry as it would be a waste of time because she would be home by then... what a piss off)

This is very hurtful, disappointing, frustrating as I have set everything up within the MOI to get my file out, I advocated for our file (and others) to get pushed through and now here I am the one that may have to leave my daughter once again, or be here another few weeks :-(

Now I have to make the very hard decision to stay or leave my baby girl behind which in all honesty will be the hardest decision I have had to make thus far.

What a mess...

2007-08-19T12:31:00.001-04:00

You know, I can honestly say that I am so frustrated, I have still not had confirmation that our file has been released. Our orphanage director is gone to France for a few weeks and assured us she would have someone help us finish off the rest of the paper, but they both are now saying they DON'T do passports. URGHHHHHH

Luckily we had met a wonderful orphanage director and he has offered to help get us the passports and help finish off the rest of the papers to get her home. Imagine having to have someone else save the day and at least hold our hand while we complete the process ourselves!!!

Hopefully tomorrow when we go to Haitian immigration we will see our files there and be able to get the passport relatively soon.

I have booked a flight out for Saturday and I HOPE HOPE HOPE that Tamaya and I are on it!!!

I will keep you posted and THANKS for your support and kind words

I have to confess!?!

2007-08-16T21:48:00.000-04:00

The reason I took a blogging break was so that I could come down to Haiti and see what I could do. I have been in Haiti for more than 2 weeks (and still am here!). I have managed to get Tamaya's file released from MOI. We are hoping to get her passport mid-next week. This trip has certainly made me appreciate my government!!! I am hoping I will be able to travel home with her in a week or so.

I have really been enjoying my time with her. She is such a doll and a true little gem. She has a very strong character and I am so glad I have had a chance to spend some time with her here before bringing her home.

I don't have much computer time, but I will post the rest of the developments as they happened in the next week.

When I have time (prob when I get home) I will also post about my stay and include pictures of course ;-)

Sue

blogging break...

2007-07-27T21:38:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a break from blogging, well at least until it's time to bring my daughter home.

Of course as you know from following our journey that our situation has been frustrating to say the least... I just need to try and change the way I have been feeling these past few tortuous months waiting for Tamaya.

I will certainly post as soon as we have good news.

Sue

New hope...

2007-07-25T21:03:00.000-04:00

It seems every once and a while I get that little burst of something that gets me through another few days. I feel renewed, refreshed and ready to take anything on.

Today was a nice relaxing day. I brought Ty to the park and we spend some time snuggling while watching a movie. Seems not much of anything has been going on.

Ty is getting ready for a trip to his grand-parents house. He is really excited about going and spending time with them. I'm sure he will get to do some camping!!

Being away from him is not my favorite thing. I'm such a momma bear and the thought of him leaving makes me miss him already!

Mondays...lol

2007-07-23T10:41:00.000-04:00

Well back to my "hope Monday" :-) Thank goodness for my weekend refreshers. I have no clue what I would do without them.

Ty's story book is in the works. I found an excellent free scrapbooking trial program. I actually decided to purchase the full version because of it's ease and of course the full program offers more contents. I much prefer to have my scrapbooking "supplies" loaded on the computer than it taking space in my linen closet, which by the way never makes it's way out because I have no room to leave it out where it would be convenient to start a page and come back to it.

While going through pictures of the kids I remembered a disk that was made for me of Tamaya. I finally figured out how to upload the pics onto my computer from the program it was on. Check out how tiny and cute she was, and of course still is!!!

....and now a few of my little Ty guy when he was only a little baby!!!

This is the deal...

2007-07-20T07:50:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't been the greatest blogger lately and this, my readers, is because I can't think of anything good to say. I have complained enough about this whole mess. I am hurting, I am upset and I don't want to say anything on here that I may regret later.

Put it this way. If I were to post my true feelings... it would comprise of a whole lot of cuss words... and a whole lot of WHAT THE "F'S"

Thus far I have not used profanity on my blog, but it has been self restraint to say the least.

It's looking like another week with NO news. Files have come out this week... all submitted after ours (like months after ours) So bare with me while I try to find the inner strength to be positive again.

Another week, another ray of hope...

2007-07-16T08:55:00.000-04:00

Every week I start with another little glimmer of hope. Maybe this week? In the meantime I have been trying really hard to keep my mind occupied.

I have been feeling good, refreshed, energized. This past week I have managed to accomplish a whole bunch of things....from weeding the garden, working out, having a few dates with Ty, laundry, keeping the house clean, changing furniture around and experimenting in the kitchen.

I have a little project I'm going to start. I just have to figure out how I want to do it. I want to make a story book for Ty about his life/adoption story. We had got him an adoption book that we had personalised, but it's a general story. I'm just not sure how I'm going to do it. I may do it in a scrapbook type style with journaling... or I may get adventurous and draw it... !!!

Adoption fundraising...

2007-07-12T21:43:00.001-04:00

My adoption friend Holly and her hubby are in the process of adopting 2 Haitian angels. She has been doing some fundraising to help off set some of the HIGH cost associated with their adoptions. Please go take a look and help them out if you can.

http://www.fenwickadoption.blogspot.com/

Feeling good...

2007-07-12T07:48:00.000-04:00

This past week I have been doing good. Since Tamaya's birthday has come and gone my stress level has gone down a couple octaves. The anticipation of getting her here before her 2nd is gone!!! Now I know I have to pay her ticket home, I know we will celebrate once she is here and it is what it is. Who knows when, but at least for now I'm pretending life is "normal" and living!!!

I have signed up for curves. I went yesterday and I loved it. It made me feel so GREAT, and brought back memories of a time when I actually made time for me!!! I have always been a "stress eater" and recently have been making better choices in my food consumption. The "eat whatever" thing just doesn't work for me and why wait until she is here to take off my "baby weight"! Jeepers had I been smart and started working out at the beginning of her adoption I would be a size 2 by now... ;-)

Well I should get my butt in gear, I ran errands all day yesterday and it shows in my housework... a quick once over will make it nice and fresh and will make me feel better as well! Plus I have an appointment this afternoon for a hair cut and a brow wax... that in itself will make me feel like a women again!!!

Have a GREAT day!!!

Tamaya pictures...

2007-07-11T07:03:00.000-04:00

another this and that post...

2007-07-08T22:27:00.000-04:00

Steve and I had our 7th anniversary yesterday. It's pretty cool cause the date is 07-07-07... we have been married 7 years, so it just seemed fitting that I give him a big old smooch at 7:00. Maybe this is the start of some good luck or something!!!

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Today is Tamaya's 2nd birthday! I was going to do a little something to honour her today, but decided that instead we will just celebrate once she is home and that we can all be together.

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Tub drawings...

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and well besides that all is well, I'm finally getting over my fatigue from the trip and catching up. Steve is back to square one with his back which needed me to make some adjustments in my "to do" stuff... which pretty much means I now have everything to do again. Not that I begrudge it, just needed to adjust to it. I really feel for him. To be doing soooo much better, then out of the blue he is back to being able to do NOTHING. Tomorrow he goes in for his first cortisone shot. We are hoping it will at least take some of the pain away!

Tagged...

2007-07-05T08:21:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by my good friend Corey, I have been putting off doing meme's for far to long... I have been tagged many times and never did them... so this my friends is a meme for all who have tagged me in the past!

Five Things I Was Doing Ten Years Ago:

10 years ago... hmmm, I can barely remember what I did last week?

1. 10 years ago Steve and I lived in the "oh so great military housing"!!!
2. We had recently got our new puppy Misty, and our kitten Jake!
3. I was much thinner..lol
4. We had just bought our "new" dodge Dakota (the one that is now falling apart on us!!! :-)
5. come to think about it, I didn't have my drivers license yet! Oh boy, that's why I was thinner. I actually walked where I needed to go!

Five Snacks I Enjoy:

1. Ketchup chips (my flava of the month)
2. Anything chocolate
3. ice cream sandwiches (yup.. I need to keep them suckers OUT of the house... bad bad samies)
4. Nachos
5. regular chips with philly onion dip

Five (well 2 cause it's all I've got!) Songs I Know all the Lyrics to:

1. Twinkle, twinkle little star...hehehe!
2. I sign along to most of the music I know, but I don't know if I actually know a whole songs lyrics if I had to sign it acapella..lol ( believe me nobody in their right mind wants to hear that, even with the instruments Steve gives me THE look ;-)

Five Things I would do if I was a Millionaire:

1. MOVE and build something closer to our families, waterfront is a MUST!
2. Hook up our families and some friends... if they're nice ;-)!!!
3. Help organisations in Haiti, and my children's b-families more.
4. buy Steve a bran new full size dodge
5. Donate to help families with adoption costs

Five Bad Habits:

1. Swearing (yeah, my BAD!)
2. chewing my nails when I get antsy
3. procrastinating
4. spend too much time on this thing (HA!!! I asked Steve what bad habits I have... apparently he noticed I am on the computer too much!)
5. smoking ( please, don't be to hard on me about this one.. I know it's sooooo bad, but in my defence we smoke outside!)

Five things I like to Do:

1. spa days.. getting someone else to dote on me ;-)
2. relaxing, baths, candles, music, you know... a "take care of me" deal!
3. snuggling with Ty (and snuggling with Tamaya when I was with her)
4. reading... or audio books
5. being artistic, drawing, painting/decorating rooms in my house, scrap booking

Five Things I would never wear again:

1. My bangs 6+ inches high
2. spandex ;-)
3. blue eyeshadow
4. leg warmers..lol
5. tight jeans

Yeah I totally grew up in the 80's!!!

Five Favorite Toys:

1. my computer - total love hate relationship right now!
2. TV - especially when I need something mind numbing to do
3. the phone - keeps me in touch with friends and family.
4. my washer and dryer - again... it's a love hate thing... just couldn't imagine doing it all by hand?!?!?!?
5. Crayola colouring crayons, markers, pencils... I like doodling

and now my friends you are all invited to do the meme if you wish. Just leave me a comment if you have done so, so I can check it out! and if you are just a reader and not a blogger feel free to post the meme in the comment section ;-) (you see your not off the hook!)

This and that....

2007-07-05T07:28:00.000-04:00

Nothing new to report. Ty and I came home Sunday and have been keeping busy since we arrived.

Still no news on WHEN. :-( The last couple days have been easier than normal waiting days. *I think* the fact that I know she won't be here for her birthday has actually made the waiting more bearable? (if that makes any sense) The anticipation of "maybe before her 2nd" was more disturbing and stressful than the realisation that she simply wont be here for her big 2. It sucks, but oh well, I guess we will celebrate once she is home. I may still do a little something at home to honour her, maybe a little cake and wrap some presents for her to keep in her room for once she gets here.

Besides that, Marijke is back in Haiti as you can see by the previous post, we got picture spoiled!!! It had been such a long time since I had received a bunch of pictures and it was so nice to see our baby girl. It was a pleasant surprise!!!

Pics of Tamaya...

2007-07-02T10:38:00.000-04:00

Tamaya singing...

2007-07-02T10:35:00.000-04:00

Home safe and sound...

2007-06-26T07:21:00.001-04:00

Ty and I made it to my parent house just in time to have supper.... Gotta love mom's home cooking. :-)

On my way here I got a chip in my windshield... talk about poopy! Every vehicle we have owned thus far, we have had to change the windshield because of rocks chips. When the rock first hit I thought we might be able to get away with getting it repaired. It was about the size of a quarter, but then it started spreading :-( Oh well... there goes a few hundred bucks!

Every time we are here it's a mad rush to see everyone and still, we never seem to have enough time to see everyone. Today tentative plans will be to visit my in-laws and Steve's grand-parents. I love being home.

This weekend we will probably go camping. I'm really looking forward to fishing, spider-dogs and marshmallows...swimming in the lake and just enjoying watching Ty do all those fun things. Assuming we don't get news this week I may actually stay a little longer? Or perhaps take a different route home and do some site seeing with Ty. It's nice to be here and have a change in the wait... so far so good... but it's still the beginning of the week..lol.. so I hope I'm not talking to fast!

Trying hard to keep busy...

2007-06-21T06:41:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a nice waiting day... Jeremy wasn't here and around noon I decided I had done more than enough waiting/sitting/hovering... so I grabbed my shower told Ty "lets go" and off we went without a clue of our destination, but it had to be anywhere but here! I let him point out the way and we ended up in the next town over. I had thought about getting something for lunch and going to the beach for a walk/picnic, but Ty was adamant that he wanted to stay inside to eat... so we had a piece of Pizza - a little lunch date!

Next door to PizzaPizza was a barber shop so I CONVINCED Ty that we should go in so he can get a real haircut! He has always resisted THE barber, but with a nice fake pout on his face and the promise of trip to the dollar store with 2 bucks he sucked it up and got it done!

The fake pout... HA HA HA!!!

Then we heading into the next town to check out the new "The BRICK" to check out the bedroom sets. I like one set I found on-line quite a bit, they didn't have the black one in stock, but they had an oak one which was the same, but different color so I was able to see the quality. I would get the bed, dresser and mirror, nightstand and the armoire in black... I think?!

THINKING, THINKING!!!

Then once the browsing was done we hit the dollar store and Zellers... then headed home!

I have decided that next week I will more than likely be going back home for a visit (unless I am in Haiti of course ;-) It's part of the stop waiting plan?!? I don't know how much longer I can play this game... it's GETTING OLD and very tiresome! At some point somethings gotta give! At least Steve has been really supportive of his crazy waiting wife! My gosh he is tooo calm about it all. I wish I had half his "waiting patience"!

When I told Ty of our plans to go see his grand-parents he asked me if Tamaya was coming as well. When I told him it would just be him and I, he said we couldn't go!?! I told him it was ok to go without her, and that once she was home and settled we would certainly make another trip and he was OK with that. The the next morning he came in my room with a PILE of clothes... when I asked what in the world he was doing he said he was getting ready to go to Timmins...LOL I then explained we still had X number of sleeps before. ;-) It was tooo cute! Ever since my mentioning going he has been inquiring about the "how many more sleeps" MANY, MANY times a day!!! I think it will certainly do us some good to bust out of this joint!

Calm...

2007-06-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why or how I came to feel this way, but today I feel calm... I feel peace in my heart.

Maybe it's the fact that what comes up must go down, but I can't remember the last time I felt like this. It feels really nice.
No excitement or anticipation. No anger or fear... just a sense of peace and calm. A sense that everything will be OK, and realisation that nothing can take my spirit away.

Maybe it's a temporary feeling... but I'm liking it. Even if it's for an hour I'll take it. Maybe I'm just done stressing? Or maybe it's because it's Tuesday and I have my patience hat back on till the next breakdown...

The week passed without advancement... AGAIN?!?!?

2007-06-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

Just a little FYI... this is totally a VENT post. A little glimpse as to why I've been on the edge of my seat and antsy... I'm trying REALLY HARD to relax. But I guess it's much harder than I anticipated!

Here are some of the reasons I'm less than patient for her to COME HOME!!!

- Our daughter is going to turn 2 years old in 3 weeks. On Tuesday it will mark 16 weeks in the ministry of interior... on July 8th it will mark 2 years since we have started her adoption... 8 months post IBESR :-( and about 5 months that she is LEGALLY OURS!!!!!

On her first birthday I was so hurt that I would not be with her on her birthday, but I also knew that she would not be home. I had thought about going to Haiti to spend her birthday with her, but opted to stay here with the thought that it would be her only birthday away from home. It hurts to know we are so close, yet so far from the possibility of having her here before she turns 2.

Then there's the fact that I checked the Canadian flights coming back from Haiti (which are only once a week) and they are at MAX price... or not available at all for the next few weeks, making my one day in and out nearly impossible. Which means that I will have to stay in Haiti at least a few days to get her a travel visa to go through the US on our way home.

Not only does it SUCK royally that she may not be home before her birthday, but it would also mean that I would have to pay for her plane ticket home instead of sitting on my lap for "free". (which of course I only budgeted for 1 ticket and not 2)

-Which brings then me to the money situation.

Because of the delays of this adoption and REALLY THINKING (as well as everyone else) she would be home close to Christmas time or shortly thereafter, I had decided to close my daycare spend some one on one with Ty, work at healing him and stay home with both kids for 6-9 months on our little nest egg. WELL... the money is only going to last for so long... I figure until the end of the summer and the longer it takes for her to get here, the less time I will have with her while I am able to be off.

- Then you have the added "fairness" issue I have. There have been a few families that HAVE their kids home, or, are just about to go get them and their file was submitted after mine!!! (It must be the Libra in me..lol) So when I see or hear that it makes my blood boil because I want soooo bad for it to be US... I do want to add no one should be "stuck" either, all these kids should have been home month ago... but c'mon what about signing in ORDER PEOPLE!!!

-at this point, out of 200-300 files STUCK our has been in the longest and of course, fear is setting in and I'm starting to really wonder if there is a problem?!? Which of course could cause months and months of delays. (I'm trying not to go there!. re: my bad dream post)

-Then you have the fact that I can't plan ANYTHING because she has been on the side of coming home for so long. Even our summer vacation time is up in the air!!! If she is just getting home we are not going back home because we want her to be "adjusted" before we travel, but if she is not here by then I don't want to sit here and wait just in case.

-Then there is the fact that my dear son has no understanding of what in the world is going on and is confused about his little sister. He has asked me so many times "WHEN" and I keep saying soon... He is starting to think we are full of it!

Every time I go past her room it kills me inside... it really does... because dang it, she should of been home months ago... and I feel like this is OUR TIME with her. Our time being robbed from us at the mercy of some jerks at Haitian immigration trying to use their power.

I feel powerless, I feel like this will never end. I feel as though there is nothing I can do, but wait... and lord knows I don't have a clue on how to do that gracefully!!!

So you see, my friends and family please have patience and compassion while I am trying to have a good day... if I'm a little snappy or am less than myself right now please have patience with me. I promise it's nothing personal except frustration about this wait... and someday I will be back to my pre-waiting self and will be "normal" again! (I HOPE!!!;-)

THANK YOU ALL for your support, you will never know how much your kind words, letting me vent, complain, cry, scream, has helped. I know you are all rooting for us and someday... she will be home and we can all celebrate the miracle that it will be!

Love ya's
Sue

Feeling antsy and frustrated...

2007-06-15T07:15:00.001-04:00

WOW... Here we are, another week has gone by with NO news on advancement for us. It's really hard to hold on to hope when every time I turn around another week passes by to add to my "total weeks IN" (which by the way is 15 weeks and 4 days) At this point I believe we have been in the longest within all the files stuck in the Ministry of Interior.

At least if I was serving a jail sentence I would know when it was going to be over!!!!

If by some miracle we can get out within the next couple days we have a chance she may be home for her 2nd birthday (July 8th). I don't know how in the world I'm just supposed to do this. It's really starting to be a little too much and HURTS deep down you know. I haven't been able to plan anything in my life for the past 6+ months and when I do it's with caution, but whenever the "event" comes and she is not home it's like a knife cutting through my heart because I can't believe she wasn't home before the "event".

We have come together (all 200+ families stuck) and have begged for help within the Haitian government as well as our government with little help. When there has been someone willing to listen and do something, they have hit a wall or have been given false promises. Nobody seems to want to help or be able to help. I have seen files submitted after mine come out and they are either very close to travel or actually have their children home. OUCH!!!! Especially when I read their time-lines and mine is MUCH worst. I've been so close for so long and I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER, DONE, FINI!!!! I WANT MY BABY HOME AND I JUST WANT MY DAMN LIFE BACK!

Is that too much to ask? %^#*&%$!!!!!!