The 7 day challenge...

Hubby will be leaving for a little while. He hasn't been gone for an extended period of time since Afghanistan a few years ago. This brings out a little PTSD in momma. Ty gets disregulated BIG TIME when Steve is away for even one night on a duty (a 24 hours shift). It brings back memories of severe raging, hitting, biting, random peeing where-ever, swearing, hoarding, partying it up all night while I am fast asleep, etc, etc. Ty's come such a long way since then, he will usually only pull out those stunts when he is disregulated and something has triggered him. Because it happens randomly now, as opposed to daily way back when. I am better able to help him. I can usually get him back into a "safe place" within a few days or so with a few simple tools.

Here are a few of the many things I do to get him "back";

- I accept the fact that he is super stressed/triggered at the time, I offer understanding and tell him that I understand it sucks!

- I do everything in my power to stay regulated, even though I want to kick and scream and have a tantrum I stay as calm as possible - I keep a nice even tone... one of love. I make sure I take care of me extra lots during these times.

- I praise good behavior.

- I go over the house rules, with a VERY clear understanding of what the consequence is if the rule is broken.

- I especially say what I mean and mean what I say. It's so important for him to trust me while disregulated (or anytime for that matter). If I tell him that I will be giving him such and such a consequence if he chooses to ______ (fill in the blank) I follow through 100%. If I tell him we will have a special _____, even if he has just hit me and told me where to go I make sure I spend that special time with him. Most of the time he will purposely sabotage anything good, just to see if he can trust me, if I will still love him.

- When he is disregulated he is to be with me 100% of time during waking hours, even if that means he misses a day or 2 of school. He isn't able to make good decisions when he is "off". We call it the lock-down (no locks involved, just mommy locking down on his behaviors and not giving him a chance to harm himself or others)

- I get to his level.. I do, if he is swearing up a storm, I'll get right in there with him and say yup... it is bull shit and whatever else he is saying. Between the 2 of us we sound like a bunch of truckers, but for some reason we can laugh it off, because it usually catches him off guard :-) *the only time he swears is when he is off*

- If he is hitting or going to hit I tell him to come to my room and we go nuts on hitting the bed/pillows - I figure he's gotta let it out, so I may as well give him other tools to let it out - instead of him hitting people/the pets.

- one of the most powerful things I give him when he is disregulated is the gift of time. I ensure we have lots of one on one... I make sure I am 100% in the moment with him.

- I also give him the opportunity to regress... he will actually usually ask me for some "baby time" giving him a sippy cup of warm milk while rocking him, spoon feeding him, rubbing his back or legs. I will offer to help him get dressed, tie his jacket (things he can do, but I offer it to prove to him that I am his mommy and will always take care of him)

So while I was reading Christine's post I got SUPER excited. I'm looking forward to spending extra quality time with my kids. I will try and post daily about the things we have done together and what kind of results I see. I was anticipating Ty totally disregulated, but maybe because we are doing the 7 day challenge and daddy is leaving right dab in the middle of it, it may diminish or avoid the disregulation altogether!?! Here's hoping!!!

Wish me luck...