Feeling better...

I actually feel better today. Not for any reason in particular but perhaps my venting helped. I really hate it when I'm not in a good waiting place, I feel like I should have more control and that I should just wait patiently until the time comes. Oh well... I guess I am only human after all and I am allowed to wallow in self pity occasionally...right? LOL

We went to see another few houses today. Nothing worth bidding on. Some had potential, but at the price (over our first budget) we would still have to put money into them and I just can't justify paying that kind of money for something I am not completely happy with.

Debbie downer post...

It's going to be a short post... I'm tired and GRUMPY and shouldn't be blogging because just thinking about everything gets me aggravated. Hopefully tomorrow I will be in my "CALM" waiting place and resume with my happy self..lol

In a nutshell I'm sick and tired. Sick and tired of all this waiting BS. I'm getting pretty agitated and grumpy. I JUST WANT HER HOME!!! Is that too much to ask???? Apparently I'm not screaming it out loud enough?!? It's getting old and I want my sanity and my life back. I want to focus on my family of 4 together and not this whole "maybe I will get news today? then 10 years go by (slight exaggeration) with no news, and no advancement.

So many things are going through my head... mainly the fact that every single day she is away from us is a day without her families special love. I know she is getting good care, but nothing compares to a mother hugs and kisses. Nothing compares to daddy playing with her or snuggling.

Anyways I'm going to stop here because I really don't want to "talk" about it anymore. It really SUCKS and I just want this whole mess to end.

8 weeks in...

Today marks 8 weeks in the ministry of interior?!? There has been some post on one of the groups regarding some movement in the ministry of interior/passport. I really want to believe it... I really do, but I guess I'll believe it when I see it.

I guess my batteries have run out...lol. I haven't stopped scrubbing for days it seems and I am tired. My body, mind and soul told me to rest today...lol I took it mostly easy (with the exception of at least 6 loads of laundry that I folded) You know, someday, maybe someday, my laundry problem will be a thing of the past. It seems like the easiest thing to forget when I am consumed with doing other things!

I took Ty out after dinner so he could ride his new toy... boy oh boy! Yesterday I went through all the rules and played the stop and go game to make sure he knew the basic rules before we venture out of the backyard. He still has a *few* days of driving school..lol

The 5 basic rules he needs to know by heart before venturing are as follows... (Believe me when I say I thought they would be very simple, BUT...)

#1- when I say stop you have to take your foot off the pedal.
#2- your not allowed in the forest or in the ditch
#3- no crashing
#4- only on slow speed.. no touching the yellow fast button
#5- stay in your yard

Ok so these all seem very simple right?... Yeah right..lol Every time he gets in a pickle he keeps his foot on the pedal. Even in reverse. I have moment of OH MY GOSH!!! and other of laughing so hard. Tonight the little booger decided he would push the yellow fast button and he went flying so fast and it scared me, because he is so focused he doesn't take his foot off the gas and keeps going, it's almost like he forgets what to do... awwww the joys! He did do better today than yesterday thought so I do have faith that my son will master my rules soon.

On other news we did our taxes... being self employed is really poopy come tax time. It took me a whole day to get everything in order and calculated. Then only to find out I owe the government some cash..lol. I can't really complain too much because it is just under $100, but Steve on the other hand is getting a HUGE return and it was worth the day of number crunching and organizing my receipts!

And to end this post I present you..... Mr. Ty the crash guy!!! Enjoy!

His new toy...

I'm running out, but will blog again later...

Lovely days...

I have a hot date tonight ;-) Steve and I are going to go out for dinner and some shopping (well if I can convince him to come shopping, maybe I'll just leave him in the van after dinner and go shopping..lol)

Pre-kids Steve and I would have our weekly date nights that we assumed we would keep up even once we were parents... HAHAHA!!! It took me almost a year to leave Ty with a sitter and when we tried to plan an in home date night, something would always come up or we were just too tired or hungry to wait until Ty was in bed sleeping.

I may actually do my hair and make-up, shave my legs. ( BIG maybe on the leg shaving, I may run out of time..lol)

I still have no idea where we are going for supper, but I did tell Steve it would be a comfy sit down restaurant. He would be more than happy to bring me to McD's and I ***THINK*** I deserve a little more classy than that ;-) ?!?

My man finally shaved off his caterpillar (WOW WOW!!!, HUBBA HUBBA)... He says it was an accident, that he was trimming it and he screwed up so he had to shave it...but I know deep down he did it for me...lol. He could of at least made up some kind of story about how he did it allll just for me, but NOPE the truth prevailed and the story wasn't as flattering as I would of hoped!!!

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My main floor is alllll done (well except for the fridge and stove..lol maybe tomorrow?) It feels so nice to have all the extras done. I had 10 GIANT bags at the curb yesterday for pick up. We still need to do a couple dump runs, but it is allll coming together and feels so fresh. My kitchen is too clean and has that whole empty echo thing going on. It reminds me of when we first moved in and actually had room for everything we owned.

I need to buy some blinds or other curtains for the kitchen. The ones I had were custom made by my seamstress and when I washed them last year I put them in the dryer and shrunk them, about 6 months ago I tried to just wash them and stretch them, but they were still too short.. So I finally decided it was time to look for something new!

Today I will work on the basement, I will just clean it and then do a "spring" cleaning in it at some point. I think instead of washing my own carpets this year I will hire someone to do them. About 6 months ago I did them myself and what a job that was. I rather pay someone to get it done than spend a whole day doing it myself.

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On the house hunting news...

We are still looking and waiting on a quote on a new build. I have found a house plan on-line that I LOVE, LOVE!!! So we are waiting on an estimate of how much. I love all the angles.

There are some changes that I would make to the plan to make it more my own. I want it rectangle, and the kitchen island would be triangle... The window placement would be different as well... We also *want* a completely finished basement, as well as a garage... so I think it will be tooo much. Now it's just a matter of seeing whether it's even affordable and close to our price range.

I found out yesterday that there will be 4 other houses

on the market on our street, I think it would be at our advantage to wait until they are sold to put up ours (assuming we go with the new build). I think we would be able to get more for ours without the competition of the others!!!

Now that I have written a novel, I think it's time for me to get going and start of my basement so that I can ENJOY this beautiful weather we have been getting.

Spring cleaning day 2...

While Ty was in nursery school I decided to try and finish off the kitchen... I scrubbed for a couple hours and I still have the fridge and stove left to do??? (boy cleaning went so much faster pre-kids..lol)

Once Ty got home we went outside for the afternoon and did some yard work. I think I should of tackled the outside while he was gone. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of toys while your child is watching you...lol. I caught him digging through the garbage to get some toys a couple time!!! "mom this is not broken" he would say and run away with the toy.

It's amazing what a couple sunny days and some scrubbing did for my moral. So far so good... 2 good days in a row, I must be on a happy streak :-)

Ouch...

I am having a much better waiting day. I figured there surely could be something I could do to occupy my time while waiting.

I decided I would do more scrubbing. I have literally spent from 8am until 5pm in my kitchen scrubbing. My hands & fingers hurt, my back is aching, but what a stress reliever it is and instead of being emotional exhausted I am physically tired..lol

Tomorrow I will have at least another few hours in the kitchen finishing up.

I have moved on from nesting to spring cleaning... ;-)

Sick and tired...

I have been having some bad adoption waiting days... It seems to be the ongoing pattern of this never ending mess of an adoption. I am really trying to calm myself... tell myself that it's what I signed up for. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with all the stupid circumstances that I cannot change or do anything about.

I get so darn agitated thinking about what this whole adoption process has been. It's been a series of longer that average wait times, with new rules/changes every single area we have been in. It's getting old, it's getting tiresome. I don't have energy to deal with all the emotions of this ongoing roller coaster.

I am sick and tired of it and if our daughter didn't mean the world to me I would quit. I would tell them all that I am done, that they can rip up our dossier throw it in the nearest dumpster so I could just move on with my life without this being the most annoying, disappointing, ridiculous & time consuming, blood pressure rising pile of dog doo that I have ever had to endure. I am sooo sick of it.. Sick of it all!!!

This stress is affecting everything around me. I noticed Ty getting back into old habits. I feel obsessed with "adoption news" again... and just as I was doing soooo good, I found out about the latest development... I just wish it would just all be over and that she would just get home already. ENOUGH!!!

It's been since before Christmas that I thought she would be home. I planned my life around her arrival being "a couple weeks away", I have nested so many times I can even count, I have EVERYTHING ready. I am ready, my family is ready... what more... what more do I have to do for it to flippen happen.

I thought for just once during this process that something would finally go right, that our file in MOI would be normal wait time. That it would just be a matter of time and she would be here... now I have no clue when, I have no idea when she will come home and it's so frustrating to sit here and wait some more. I think of the time I have lost with her and it hurts.

We requested a baby girl as young as possible. I found out about her when she was 2 months old... SHE IS ALMOST 2 years old!!!! All because of bureaucracy and people in Haitian government positions that make rules up as they go along.

When we adopted Ty there was the political unrest when Aristide was ousted. His adoption from proposal at 6 months old to when he came home at 11 months old - was 5.5 months!!!!!!!! AND that was with a delay of a couple months because of the unrest.

The worst thing about all this waiting is I feel guilty when I get frustrated or feel less than "perfect" in waiting. I swear I think everyone in our neighbourhood must think I am full of it about Tamaya... jezzzz even Ty thinks she is imaginary. I feel like a liar when people ask me if she is home... because months and months and months ago I told them it would be soon...Boy will everyone be surprised (including myself) when she actually is part of our family!!!

I am hoping this blog vent will give me a couple days of calmer waiting and that I can get back into a "normal" frame of mind regarding this whole mess. I just want my sanity and life back, I want my happy self to come back and play and just move on.

Have had better days...

I should be cleaning the shack... but instead I am procrastinating and blogging... why you may ask? Because as any of my readers may observe, this is a pattern... my procrastination pattern.

While I am cleaning I will become a mega witch because I will feel overwhelmed by the task at hand and be miserable because I didn't start first thing in the morning,(or kept it up during the week) and every little thing I clean or pick up will be the focus and I will have a few words of *wisdom* to share with Steve and Ty about the mess/lack of tidiness they have added to my already gross home...lol, but once it is all done I will feel great and my family members will forgive me for my less than perfect attitude!!! Ahhhhhh I love my Sunday clean up!

So anywho...enough of my rant! I wanted to share a few up-dates with you all.

Tamaya; We have been in the ministry of interior now for close to 7 weeks. (Haitian immigration) This is a step that is guesstimated to be 2-4 weeks. We we're notified last week that there was a problem. They have added a new step to this process (of course they did, every step of the way they have changed they way they did things... so why would it be a surprise?!?) It has now been rectified so hopefully I will hear that her file is out soon... then it *should* be a week or so and I will be able to go get her! This is really starting to get old. I am a pretty patient person, but enough already.

Steve; My man is still "broken" my new nickname for him is popcorn, 'cause every time he gets up all his old bones pop. He finally got his cat scan results. He has a bulging disk. The plan for him is to be on temporary category at work with light duties until he gets better. He will start receiving cortisone shots in his back. Hopefully it will auto correct itself. If that doesn't work he will require surgery.

He goes back to work on Tuesday. I can't believe he has been home for 6 weeks already. It feels like just yesterday he came back from Afghanistan. I just wish he would have been better so we could have travelled a bit. I am looking forward to getting back into a routine and having some normalcy back in the home.

My dear hubby was so great yesterday. He offered to go do the groceries all by himself...lol. He even wrote the list himself. The only request I had was a bag of pre-made Asian salad. Unfortunately there was none so he decided to buy me a head of cabbage...lol. Yup the man thought it was a pretty nice head of lettuce. It has been the joke around here and I still chuckle when I think of his reaction when I pointed out that it was cabbage, he even had the nerve to argue that it was lettuce...lol Thank you Steve for doing the groceries... ;-)

Ty; Ty is Ty...lol.. The boy is a big ball of energy. I think he needs his sister to come home so he can have a full time playmate.

Last night we we're watching shark tales and they said "rock you" he repeated it and said "Oh oh mom I said a bad word" I explained that it was not a bad word, but he insisted it was... then he said mom " I have to go in a time-out" and he went to the time-out spot. I still had to explain to him numerous times that it was NOT a bad word, he finally believed me. This is coming from a boy that just a few months ago would swear and cuss his mother out while he was upset and in time-outs... fully knowing it was WRONG. He has made such progress since the trauma therapy. I am so proud of him. I finally feel like I am parenting a "normal" child, not a child that is sooooo out of control. I am really enjoying being his mommy and spending so much quality time with him.

Me; I have both good and bad waiting days. Some days I feel like it will never come, that she will be 50 by the time she comes home. Other days I am at a calm place about waiting and keep telling myself that she is sooo worth it.

Like I said previously, it's getting old. (today is a not so good waiting day) It has been over 21 months since we started her adoption. I know it's coming, but man oh man I just want it to be over so I can stop thinking about her and just start parenting her. I often find myself thinking about all the what if's... what if she isn't here soon... will she turn 2 in Haiti? Spend yet another birthday without her mommy and daddy? With my luck the passport printing machine will break down and it will take them 2 years to fix it... because lets face it... that's the way it seems to go. So as you can see I'm started to get bitter.. today is a not so great waiting day.

With all that being said I don't even have anyone to blame... I wish there was someone I could just get upset with and write a nasty letter to... or call and lose it on them.

Unfortunately it's just been a series of events that have been factors in this "extra long" journey. All of our adoption professionals have been wonderful, I know the director is working her tail off to get our kiddos home. I know that all information is passed on as soon as it received and it's just plain and simple.... POOPY!
I know if there was anything anyone could do they would. So many people just want to see her home.

Anyways that was my vent... I'm sure letting it out will help put it out of mind for another few days. I shall go take my frustrations out on my toilet now. My house will be blingin' in no time!!

Birthday wishes...

Thank you all for Ty's birthday wishes, both in comment and e-mails ;-)

We had such a beautiful evening. We went to Eastside Mario's for supper. We let the waitress know it was Ty's birthday so they could sing to him. He loved it!!! I didn't know how he would react, but he just took it all in and started to dance as they sang..lol

Then we went over to wal-mart to buy his 4 wheeler.. That's when we both realised that there was no way we could fit the box in the van without putting the seats down (stow and go) but in order to do that we have to empty it out of the stuff (read: JUNK) that we have in the back. SO... within the next couple days I will go buy it. (hopefully alone and have a little me time..lol)
Because of our not thinking, we pretty much let him get a few toys that he picked out, a couple transport dinky cars, a flashlights, a tent and sleeping bag combo and a few other little things.

We came home and had some birthday cake... He was toooo cute. I wasn't going to do the cake thing because usually at the restaurant they do a little cake, but because he had the kids meal they gave him his 3 mini cones and sang to him with those... So a birthday is not a birthday without a cake... so I ran to the grocery store to get cake and ice-cream before coming home. He was tooooo cute. He said " mom this is my best birthday ever" :-) When he refers to his "birthday" he thinks it's all about the cake in the fridge so thank goodness I didn't miss the boat on that one

I have to admit him being aware of his special day and actually knowing what it was all about was pretty cool... I think next year I will organise his first real birthday party. He has had birthday parties but it was the ones with all adults. Next year he could invite his own friends...

Here is a little video of him blowing out his candles... Don't mind the solo singing voice.. apparently Steve doesn't sing..lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TY!!!

Our big boy is 4 today... WOW!!!

He decided to dress himself in this lovely attire... notice the GREAT button job! :-)

YES!!! that sure is a pair of underwear on his head!!! I *think* they are clean... HAHAHA!!!

Ty scored big with a few cheques and some money!!! We decided we would pool all the money together and let him buy something "big" soooo tonight, after his birthday dinner date we are going to bring him shopping to buy a battery operated 3 wheeler. I can't wait to see his reaction!!!

We are heading out now, but thought I would post real quick!!!

p.s.. yes he did change his clothes into something more appropriate, I promise I would never bring him in public dressed like that...lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD !!! We love ya

What fun...

So just as I thought our house hunting was over, Steve and I decided to go take a second look at the big house. We looked at the cost it would be to replace the upstairs bedroom carpets. We also looked at what we may be putting into it in the next few years and thought that although it needed some work and MAJOR CLEANING, the work could eventually be done over the years and that even even if we build new, the basement and landscaping would be extra, but we would not get the square footage for that price. When we went to see it today and looked past the updating, we thought it was a good, it has many extras... central air, walk in closet with ensuite, paved drive, double tiered deck, double lot, wood burning fireplace, gas fireplace in rec room.... the space was HUGE and has some cool features.

So..... we put in our offer with the condition of our home selling. We bid $5000 less than the asking price, which is reasonable and gave a little room to negotiate.

We got a call from our agent tonight and....... it wasn't accepted :-(

There was another bidder, he bid higher ( I assume over asking price) and he had no conditions.

When we arrived at the agents office she did notify us that there was another offer going in tonight as well. So it was no surprise. I certainly wasn't going to start a bidding war, and had no clue what the other guy was going to bring to the table.

I feel confident that it was meant to be and that there is a reason why that was not our home. I still love my teeny, tiny home...lol Our agent still feels we should put our home up with the condition we find something we want to buy, but in all honesty even after checking the other listings nothing is calling out to me... and putting up my house with no motivation is not really doing anything for me!!!

That was enough excitement for the day...lol. At least it's passing the time as we wait for news about the baby :-) Today marks 6 weeks in the ministry of interior. And it ***SHOULD*** take 2-4 weeks..lol It's ok thought, after spending time with her I realised something pretty big. She is worth every second of this wait and when she actually gets home I am the lucky one that will have the honor to parent her!

Little interview with Ty on how the bunny got some toys for him ;-)

House hunting...

We looked at a few houses on Saturday.

The curb appeal and square footage on this one was a bonus, but the inside needed TLC and some updating. All the flooring needed replacing BADLY, the roof and windows would need to be done within the couple years and at the price the house is listed (at the top of our budget) I can't justify putting in more money. Once we factored in the cost of renovations it made NO SENSE.

The next home was slightly cheaper, the square footage was not as much as the 1st, but it had ample room for us... Unfortunately all the "renovations" that were done within the home were done by someone that had NO CLUE?!? The "complete" basement was clearly done by someone that didn't have a level or any common sense...

The 3rd house we went to see is not yet listed and is the house of an acquaintance of mine. It was actually nice, the changes/reno's we would have considered were minor and inexpensive. Paint and new linoleum in the kitchen... no biggy!!! The basement was almost finished and very well done. We were both actually very impressed. The only problems are that the backyard fence is about 30 feet from the major highway and that the "living" space in the home was not any bigger than mine except it had 3 MINI bedrooms on the main floor. (I've never seen kids rooms so flipping small... her son had a single bed in it.. nothing else... and no place for a dresser. There was no way Ty's set would fit.

I have 2 fair size rooms on the main and 1 in the basement. My basement is also divided more efficiently giving us more usable space. Soooo after careful consideration and some deep thoughts..lol.. that one wasn't THE ONE.

We talked to the agent about building new a block from here. We are still thinking about it as well as are going to call in a contractor for an idea on expanding here and see what comes from that.

In all honesty I must admit right now is not really the time to tackle a move..lol.. or building. Let's face it, we are going to be new parents again and realistically speaking it would not be the right time to moving while I should be "bonding" and who knows when Steve's back will be healed.

He can barely lift Ty right now let alone move a house..lol

I think this is a great opportunity for us to make a plan of action, figure out what we want to do. Then go from there. If we want to plan an addition we can start saving now for it with a plan to do it in 3 years. Or if we want to build start a plan of what we want, perhaps even buy a lot or start looking at lots and plans.

The great news about all this stuff is we also found out we could list our home for double than what we paid 7 years ago... UNREAL eh!

New house???....

Steve is getting the itch. It seems Steve and I go through spurts of wanted to upgrade to a bigger home with more of what we "wish" we had. When we bought this home it was a great starter. We got it dirt cheap, it was newer and in a great neighbourhood. Now we find ourselves wanting more of those extras.

We have a few homes we are going to see tomorrow. I think it will either put us back into reality, or take the plunge. We are looking at a few options. A) move into something else, B) build new, C) look at expanding(adding a second level and gutting the main floor / adding our wants here.

I guess the main goal is to make sense of it all. I feel I am all over the place with it. I love this home, but there is so many things I want to change about it. The kitchen (the cheapest melamine cupboards were installed by the previous owner and I HATE them), we NEED a garage, want a deck, fence, paved driveway... we will have to start putting money in to it soon, new front windows, new furnace/hot water tank....and even if we were to add all those things to it... we would still be lacking the extra square footage. Man oh man..lol

I think I have a plan???!!!!??? you see this blog sometimes helps me put my thoughts together...lol... If we were to call a contractor/architect we can find out if we can eventually add a second floor... then at least we can build the garage this summer with the plan of eventually being able to expand on living space.

Oh well... I guess at some point we will make up our mind and do something..lol For now it's a thought, it may end up turning into something... or we may end up staying put. Who knows!!! Buying this house was scary enough... now thinking bigger (more expensive) is even scarier and so hard to make the right choice. I certainly don't want to be mortgage poor, (not that we would, but the thought is so scary!)

While checking out the market I found my dream home...lol.. I would need to win the lotto... but check this sucker out. CLICK HERE. I girl can dream right!!!

Tamaya putting bread in her pocket so she can clap her hands...

This little video is of Tamaya signing and the smirk after I tell her no is priceless... P.S. I promise it wasn't me that dressed her!

Laundry... a thing of the past, well for now!!!

I am proud to announce that yesterday my laundry disaster ended!!! I just shot all the laundry in garbage bags, brought them to the dump and bought new!

OK.... well that's not exactly what happened, but it did cross my mind. I did my million loads, folded them all and even put them away.

I got my house back in order and it feels GREAT!!! I even found the time to putter in Tamaya's room and today I went shopping for some last minute things I need for her. I bought her another couple pairs of shoes (the girl needs shoes!!!, many, many shoes!!!..lol), some diaper shirts because she is able to undress and until her "parasites" are taken care of the diaper MUST stay on!!! I bought a waterproof mattress cover for her temporary playpen bed, I have the sheets for it in the dryer as we speak so EVERYTHING is ready for her now... even to the last little detail!!! Now all we need is the baby!!! Our perfect baby!!!

I am so glad I spent the week there...I miss her immensely, but I am so grateful I got to know her. I had so many unanswered questions about her. I was so afraid of "the character" that was often mentioned in my up-dates, but she only needed boundaries and once she knew I meant what I said she was more than ok with it... it even strengthened our bond. She was smaller than I expected. She is just growing into size 2 clothes... so no returning clothes. She actually still fits well in 18 months. Her hair is no longer "scary" she has soft curls and it was so easy to comb through. She is still very snugly... I was afraid she was going to be toooo independent... BUT nope she is a well rounded child and I look forward to her adjustment, our adjustment. I am SOOOO READY!!!

Overwhelmed...

Welllll... OH MY GOSH... the house is finally starting to get back to normal. It took me a couple days to feel better, a couple days to tidy up and re-organise and a couple days to catch up on laundry. Today we are going to watch some movies and I will fold my sticken laundry.

I don't think I have ever seen so much dirty laundry in my life. I had to strip all the beds, Steve and Ty's laundry for the week I was gone... my laundry for the week, plus Tamaya's laundry... Steve's Afghanistan laundry. No lie there must of been at least 15-20 loads that I have been plugging away at for the past couple days... now mind you there are a lot of blankets and comforters included in that... but it's not right. I can't wait to get everything back in order so I can get back to my "routine". You know the one that I do a bit everyday....lol

I still have my spring yard work to do and I am ashamed at how my back yard looks... but oh well it will wait until I get the inside of my shack taken care of! (One thing at a time Sue!!!)

Anywho, I need to get some breakfast into me and start today's laundry folding or I will have a nervous breakdown later for not doing it.

So if I don't blog for a few days all is well I'm just trying to work my way back to my clean house and I may even start my spring cleaning before Tamaya comes home!