My trip...

Thank you Yvonne for the contact info...

Tamaya's caretaker Marijke is on vacation and the reason I haven't had a response. I did however get in touch with her sidekick and have received a response. We will wait until next week to get confirmation from Marijke. I was told that I was always welcomed there which was really nice. She did advise me of the dangers of kidnappings that have seemed to escalate lately, but this has been an ongoing problem in Haiti. If my flight for 16-23 goes up in price I will check out the next week schedule and if the next week prices go up as well I will take it as a sign I am to stay back. Again if it's meant to be everything will fall into place.

Just to let everyone know I have not heard of any cases of Canadians being kidnapped. They "usually" search out rich Haitians and lately I have heard of the kidnappings being babies. So to tell you the truth I am not worried and I know that I would be staying safe while I am there as my "contacts" would never put me in danger. Once I get to Tamaya I would stay put and not do any site seeing. Time will tell. The same stuff was going on last year when I went and to date I haven't heard of any adoptive parents getting taken.

Patience and me...

Have I ever mentioned how I have little patience, especially for waiting. I am sitting here almost in panic mode because I haven't yet got confirmation on whether or not my visit is welcome in Haiti. Until I get the ok from her caretaker I will not book the flight. I just checked next weeks flight and it has quadrupled in price and I am so afraid mine will go way up as well if I don't book it NOW. C'mon people!!!
I am thinking of calling her but I don't want to come off as impatient and frustrated..lol

Last night I got a pleasantly surprising call from my mother-in-law inviting me to go bowling with her, my SIL and our niece. I agreed and we had a great time. It was one of the first times I felt like I was part of the family. Not because they never made me feel welcome, but because Steve is always with me and I feared they only tolerated me because I was with him. It really felt nice.

OH MY GOSH.. I forgot about a funny story that still makes me giggle.

I'm giggling just thinking about it. My auntie Sunshine was doing a kick boxing TaeBo type video and was really into it, she had been doing these videos for a while and during this particular event she was very concentrated and giving it everything she got. A left and a right, and she punched herself in the jaw almost knocking herself out... OH MY GOSH I am still laughing... could you imagine. She said she was so mad for punching herself that she put the tapes away and let them sit for a couple months.

And for closing...my dad sent me an elf link, YOU MUST CLICK HERE!. The funniest thing is that although I have a pic of Steve in there with his caterpillar, I know he is unable to view it from his computer which makes it even funnier... (you see honey, if you were home you could have stopped me, but nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.. ) I only did it because I love you :-0

Elf...

Uncle Guy AKA uncle Fruit Loop - Click here just 'cause I love ya. ;-)

My dad - click here

My sister - click here

My mom - click here

My grand-pa - click here

Ok last, but not least me - Click here

To go or not to go "part 2"...

I woke up feeling like I would like to go to Haiti. I have re-looked at the flight schedule and it is still at a low price that could change without notice. I have started contacting my peeps in Haiti to see if this trip falls together. If it does I will go. If it doesn't it wasn't meant to be. I have always been pretty big on "if it's meant to happened things will fall into place without much effort" and I am certainly at that point now. I am super excited at the prospect of holding my baby even if it's not for the homecoming... I did however tell myself the first time we met that if I ever really missed her so much she was just a plane ride away and I really feel like this is the time. This Christmas was particularly hard not having her home. I really figured a year ago when I went to Haiti should would of been here by now. The end is always the hardest and instead of just sitting here idle wishing I could hold her I can book a flight and hold her. Imagine that concept..lol Merry Christmas to me. I think I have made enough sacrifices for my family and this may be a total selfish "vacation", but she is after all my baby girl too and in need of some mommy loving too. Imagine almost 18 months in an Orphanage without the loving arm of your mommy. I will go reassure her someone in this world is loving her and wanting her home so bad.

Am I emotionally ready for Haiti?... I really don't know, but I do know enough time has past since the last trip that I have seemed to have forgotten my emotional ride while I was there... it's more than time for another ride..lol

To go or not to go...

Today as I was sitting here thinking about my baby girl and I decided to search for flights to Haiti and see what pricing was like. Well... They are super, duper cheap right now and I am contemplating a trip to Haiti to visit my princess. I was super excited about the prospect of going and now am more in reality mode and thinking about all of my options. I have decided to sleep on it and see how I feel about it tomorrow. I have so many things to think about.

I may even do a pros and cons list tomorrow and weigh out the benefits. I am really torn and I know I just feel like I need to hold her tight...

I got to chat with Steve tonight on MSN...My dear hubby was so cute when I told him I was thinking about going. He asked me why? I told him because I missed her. He then asked me if I thought I was emotionally ready for such a trip to Haiti again. I know he knows that I am stubborn and I know which ever decision I make he will support, but it was nice for him to ask me some hard questions. And in all honesty I really don't know. I don't know if I am being selfish and thinking about just me... or if this will also benefit her with her attachment to me. All that being said I also worry about Ty and his feelings of having two parents away.

So much to think about and I feel like I am babbling as I try to have this all make sense in my mind. I will keep you posted.

A nice nothing day...

Today I did absolutely NOTHING. I stayed in my jammies as planned and spent my day relaxing and catching up on some much needed sleep. Around 12:30 I looked at my mommy and told her I was thinking of taking a nap. She offered to care for Ty... so I ran into my room and had a major snooze. My mom came to wake me up after I had slept for nearly 3:30 hours. ;-) Now I am so awake and it's coming close 1 am??? I'm thinking my snooze may have been a bad idea.

My sister, mom, dad and I played a game of trouble tonight... Oh my gosh did we ever laugh. My sister always wanted a perfect little life. She would beg my parents to have game nights on Fridays, she was the good kid that actually liked being home with her parents as a teen. We started playing the game and it got pretty serious fast. My mom and I were laughing so hard it hurt. I had to walk away to catch my breath from laughing so much. At one serious part of the game my mom said "and this is the reason we didn't have game nights" and I was in stitches. My dad won the game, my sister was 2nd, my mom was 3rd and guess what... I was the looooser. It was fun!!!

Tomorrow will be another full day. I will spend the afternoon at Steve's grandparents. I would like them to check out the pics I have saved on the computer to send them off for print to make them a album of the kids and Steve.

My girl friend called me earlier today and I was disappointed to hear that she is not coming into town as planned. I was hoping to see my godson and spend some time with them. I guess once we get home I will invite them over for a weekend and we can catch up at my place, or vise versa, Ty and I can make a little trip up to see them. There are so many people I would love to be able to go visit while I am off and actually have the time to go.

My little sister is gone out partying AGAIN tonight. It reminds me of when I actually had a life... Oh those were the days!!!
The little chicka convinced me to pick up her 2 friends and drive them to the bar... Is this what I will be doing in 20 years from now with my kids???...lol. When I was 19 and drinking age we would get to the bar at around 7... drink our little faces off until 1 and that was our nights. Nowadays these kids are leaving for the bar past midnight and last call is 2??? I don't know man??? I think I'm getting old or something.

When I was driving home from dropping them off I enjoyed going down familiar roads and reminiscing of times gone by. I felt like every street I was on had an old friends house, or a memory. I really miss this place. I guess you never forget your hometown. I really wish I had the best of both worlds and was able to live here as well as have my Steve. Maybe once he retires we can come back to our old stomping grounds... just maybe. It would be nice to be closer to our families especially considering they will be getting older and may appreciate the help we could offer them. I guess only time will tell.

Boxing day and so flippen tired...

Today was a full day again. I spent some of my morning lounging around hanging out with my parents, sister and Ty. My sisters flight out was cancelled and she will be spending a few more days home which is pretty cool!!! My dad made his famous omelette's for brunch and they were kick ass. He makes the best darn omelette's I've ever had.

My grandparents came for a visit and brought me a CD of the pictures they took at our Christmas eve party. Shortly after they left I got myself out of my Jammie's and headed over to my girl friends house with Ty. Another friend of ours came over as well and we had a really nice time just having a girls night and ate some yummy left overs from her Christmas.

We got to my parents shortly after 7. Ty was tired but in a calm way. I was having too much fun snuggling him to put him to bed and as a family we watch a really stupid movie. But it was a nice time!!! I put Ty to bed by 9:30 and I HOPE he sleeps in because I am in NEED of long sleep. I think my plan for tomorrow will consist of a Jammie day spending time with Ty and playing with his new gifts with him. Santa brought him a couple games and craft thing that I would like to spend some time with him doing.

I am heading to bed now as these past few days are certainly getting the best of me!!!

Connection up and running...

Here are some pictures. The 1st series is Ty in his suit, then at my auntie Sunshine's, at Steve's aunt, Christmas morning with Santa gifts, then last but not least at Steve's grand-parents place.

The hustle and bustle of the holidays...

What a nice time Christmas is. It's so nice to be sharing in our family traditions now with Ty. My child hood always consisted of going to my grand-parents house for my grand-parents feast and gift exchange. My grand-parents are getting older now and it is too hard for them to uphold this tradition in their home. It has not been pushed aside as we have continued the Christmas get together at alternate homes. This year my Auntie "Sunshine' and Uncle "Fruit Loop" were the hostesses. (My uncle Guy wanted to become famous on the blog with a nickname.. I have chosen Fruit Loop - this could change without notice.. hahaha) It's nice to know that wherever we seem to find ourselves we all make it home for the holidays. Its the one time of the year that we make time to spend together as a whole family and that is really comforting. I had a few hard moments with Steve and Tamaya missing. All of my family included her and Steve in the gift exchange and it was very touching to say the least. I had a few sobs and thankfully my mommy was there to comfort me.

We had a nice steal a gift game for our adult gift exchange and you will never guess what I stole... An alarm clock... I'm wondering and hoping a clock from here might actually work and not scare the crap out of me when I have it set on the alarm..lol.. I will certainly keep you posted... Hahaha

Once our evening was coming to an end, Ty and I headed over to Steve's side of the family and spend a couple hours there which brought us back to my parents home past 2am...

Ty awoke very anxious, and ready to see what Santa had brought him. It's really nice for him to understand the concept of Santa better. He looked at his pile of gifts and exclaimed "OH MY GOSH" .. the funniest thing is that he had told me last night that he was going to say that when he saw them... What a little ham..lol

We then went for a quick visit to Steve's Grand-parents. I had promised them I would make time to come see them on Christmas day. I wish I was able to spend more time with them today, but we will certainly go and see them again soon. Steve's Aunt, Uncle and cousin are there from out of town and she is also a regular reader of my blog (Allo Murielle :-)

We then headed over to Steve's parents house for the afternoon. Ty got a couple outfits and a couple toys. His family have decided to celebrate Christmas for our family once Steve comes back in March. Ty started acting up so I knew the late night and early morning was a bit overwhelming and decided to come back to my parents house, feed him super and put him to bed.

My parents, my sister and I enjoyed a quiet fondue tonight. We also enjoyed a chocolate fondue for dessert. I definitely ate waaayyyyy to much and I can hardly breath it hurts so bad.

I guess in a nutshell my holidays have consisted of running from house to house and eating... :-)

Pictures to follow once I can figure out how to re-connect to my parents wireless network.. for some reason I am unable to connect!!!

A Christmas card for you my blog readers

Click here to view your greeting!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2 more sleeps till santa comes...

I really don't know where to begin. This morning I awoke to Ty playing in the room next to mine. I drew him a bath and while he was in the bath his told me that he had peed in the candle??? WHAT??? So I went into the room to see what he was talking about and sure enough there was a pillar candle in the room and he chose to relieve himself in??????

Once he was cleaned and creamed he went down stairs and woke up his grandpa "papa Dan" and asked him to button up his shirt. I tried to stop him.. really.

He picked up the phone while he was with papa Dan and said "yes, oh yes papa.. ok bye"

He turned to my dad and said "I was just on the phone with my papa and he said "yes I could have some chocolate"

What a kid. My dad can't believe how much of a sneak he is, on numerous occasions Ty has been caught sneaking. I guess reading about it is different than actually seeing the boy in action.. right dad?

The past couple days have been jammed packed with visiting. Yesterday evening we went to Steve's grand-parents house to visit and my mother in law came as well. Ty was pretty good. :-)

Today we started off at my aunt Annette's, my cousin Junior was in town from Ottawa, total Jack black look-a-like. He grew out his hair and has many of the same facial expressions... too flippen funny really (He lives so close to our place and see each other when we come here). My aunt Claire - aka "Auntie Sunshine" and my uncle Guy came over as well and brought the Timmies coffee...mmmmmm

Once we were done there we went to my grand-parents and were hooked up with some awesome pork sandwiches. It was really nice to see them. My grand-parents ROCK!!! I have been pretty blessed with my family. My grand-parents have always been so supportive and so loving throughout the years. I often feel like there is never enough time to spend with them. My grand-pa got a computer a few years ago and also reads the blog.. how cool is that. I love you Pepere!!!

My afternoon plans were to go to my mother in laws house, she wasn't home when I was leaving my grandparents so we made a pit-stop back to my parents house. A few seconds after coming in I was told she had called. We left the house not to long after and went to my in-laws place. We got invited over for supper and had a really nice visit with them. We left fairly early 'cause Ty was getting tired and silly. I wanted to get him home and to bed as quickly as possible. Tomorrow is going to be a LONGGGG night.

Christmas eve is always busy here. We have a family gathering on my dad's side of the family followed by a family gathering on Steve's maternal side. I really hope I can get Ty to nap tomorrow afternoon so he can keep up with the late night parties...

I paid my sister $20 to wrap all my gift.. Hahaha!!! I totally took advantage of my poor "student" sibling... love ya sistah... SUCKER!!!

I'm loving it...

Ty and I went to McDonald's for breakfast with my cousin and her son. They had a nice time climbing all over the structure and playing together.

It's so nice to be home and feel so supported. I have often wished I has the best of both worlds. Having Steve here as well as my family and friends. I am able to depend on my family during though times, and of course being alone a lot of the time because of Steve career would be extra cool. I jokingly told my parents I would stay until the end of tour, they thought that was a funny joke. Maybe next time Steve is away for so long I should consider renting an apartment for 6 months??? I know staying at my parents so long wouldn't work, but it certainly would be great to have them around more often. Plus I never feel like I have enough time to see everyone around here... 6 months would give me more than enough time :-)

I bought myself a Christmas present.. A nice blouse for my black dress pants. It's a cute Asian type shirt with kimono sleeves. It's cute and I'm glad I found it.

Back home safe and sound...

What a long day this has been. I left late making the trip seem extra long. We arrived at 4:30 enough time for Ty to get to snuggle grand-maman Pauline and Grand-papa Dan (known to Ty as maman Pauline & papa Dan)

My parents headed out for diner at her brothers house and Ty and I went to my auntie Sunshine for supper... My cousin Mel and her son Dawson were there and the boys had fun playing together. It's cute to see how much they have both grown. They are close in age which will make family gatherings nice as they will always have a built in playmate :-) Ty really adores his cousin.

We all joked about my blog and how if they're not nice to me I could always post some interesting stories... :-) The nice thing about my blog is they can't get me back... HAHA! SO you guys remember that and be extra nice and generous with the presents.. K???

I got a couple e-mails in regard to the adoption... still no news, but I have found out that the orphanage director will now put out a radio broadcast across Haiti to try and locate her. She has used this method in the past and it is usually successful. I will keep my fingers crossed. Also, we also have been notified that even without ID, as long as the birth mother goes and states that she has neither sold the baby and that she actually placed her for adoption we should be OK with just a signature. Please keep your fingers crossed for us.

I'm going to go put my Ty guy to bed because it is wayyyyyy past his bed time and I will be following shorty after.

good morning...

I feel like my get up and go, go up and left.

I set my alarm for 5, and I awoke at 7, I'll let you all guess what happened.. HAHAHA!!! (did you guess alarm issues???.. that would be correct, again the cause :the clock operator, I'm starting to feel like quite the dumbass in the whole clock department, and I am admitting this to you WHY?) I woke up with a headache and a sore belly no less, probably a sleep deprived headache because I was supposed to pack yesterday and have everything ready to just get up and go, but... my procrastination got the best of me and I didn't get it done. Now I'm going to end up in a huge panic because I can think of 50 things I need to do before I leave and I am sure I'll forget something.

So you may be asking yourself why I am blogging this morning if I'm supposed to be running? The answer is quite simple actually... I'm having a coffee and procrastinating some more. I am hoping some caffeine will help me with my head and will give me the extra energy I am lacking. The smart thing for me to be doing would be to hurry up and do all of this fast before Ty gets up, because once he is up, I will be doing the 1 step forward 2 steps back thing.

Oh well.. unfortunately I have to get my butt in gear.. I'm thinking my head needs more than caffeine.. perhaps I should take a pill.

p.s. Mom & Dad this means I'm running late..LOL

Can it get any worst...

Yup... it sure can. After speaking to my agency this morning we have come to the realisation that even if we find my daughters Haitian mom and she is brought to the guy... she has no ID. She doesn't even know her date of birth, nor does she have a birth certificate. Sooooooo I guess we will be the the guinea pigs as this new process works itself out. I fear the worst as our whole adoption can fall through if this man is not satisfied with the answers that are provided in "proving" ID and such...I'm just not prepared to go there mentally. I know I couldn't bare to loose my daughter after such a long time of loving her.

not completely better, but managing...

After speaking to my agency first thing this morning and having very supportive and wonderful people working on it, I got a tad more info. They will be doing an investigation regarding this new hoopla at our government level and we will sit and wait some more. I got more insight about this new step and how it is usually implemented when there is allegations of fraud. The Haitian President has recently did a complete overhaul off staff at Haitian government level and I believe this person is newly appointed and is "testing" his job description. This seems to be going on in most departments dealing with adoptions. New people trying to change the rules as they go along.

My orphanage liaison has also sent a detailed list of the steps that are in place. It looks like we are not in court as both the new step and court coincide together. In other words they have probably been looking for her b-mom for over a month now???????? but I can't be completely sure.. I am just assuming.

I'm done with this darn adoption and they can call me when she is ready and I'll deal with it then... until then I don't want anything to do with it..lol. And I worried about boredom while I was off.. what a bad joke that was. :-)

I have a full day tomorrow preparing my home and packing for my journey back home. I am really looking forward to the holidays to have the extra family support.

I got to chat with hubby tonight and well... the good news, I love him, the bad news, they are undermanned and between firing the gun, building a bunker and still having to do their centuries he is barely getting any sleep and is exhausted. He did however offer me some nice words of comfort "we did sign up for this and we knew it wouldn't be easy" and it is true..

Well I am off to get some needed ZZZ's and I am pretty certain tomorrow will be a calmer, less emotional day. I'm really looking forward to that.

blogging therapy...

I'm trying to deal with some emotions regarding our daughters adoption. The news of our current predicaments is hurting more today. I know I am stressing about the unknowns and am disappointed that I awoke to no news. I know all these folks working for the adoptions have a life outside my world and are busy with more than just my file, but I am very disappointed that I didn't get any news. My mind is working on overdrive wondering what this means and of course my fears are all over the place as I worry. As of now I have no clue where we are. Have we been through court yet? Or maybe we haven't even been put in court which further delays her homecoming? I have no stinken clue and it's driving me bonkers. What happens if they don't find her Haitian mom? To make things worst I think it was my money I sent for the children's schooling she may have used to bail and move. I had even convinced myself when I agreed to send the money again this year that if by chance she didn't use the money for school and used it else where I was OK with that because the money for school was my only way of indirectly providing something for them and if she used it else where it was because she had too... BUT...

If it wasn't for my extreme love for Tamaya I would bail. I would quit all of this and just move on. You know there's a big part of me wishes I could.. just walk away and never look back.

I miss my hubby more than ever today. I wish he was here with his so even keyed stress free attitude. I could at least snuggle into him and cry. He would tell me not to worry and that it would all be ok.. then he would say something absolutely inappropriate for the moment and make me laugh. I miss you so much babe.

*** everything's gonna be alright... right?

I did NOTHING today...

Wow, I have officially done nothing at all today. I woke up with another headache and took it easy. I tried sleeping it off unsuccessfully and finally took a pill and it went away. I have been getting headaches a lot these past couple weeks... maybe stress headaches or something???

I got a poopy e-mail this morning regarding our adoption. I'm still waiting on the details of which step we are currently in that requires this, but they have requested her birth-mom's signature and ID and have been unsuccessful in finding her... something about her moving??? I assume this is the new step they have implemented, but I need clarification to get confirmation. I am hoping my Haitian contact could help in the search because in all honesty if she moved and they can't find her that's not good and I surely hope there is a way around this, but that would cause another delay in my already too long process.

My hubby called late last night and he is in his new location. I asked him if he felt safe and he said "yeah" I asked him to promised and he said "yeah" I told him to say he promised and he said "yeah" Soooooo, I know that was code talk for NO, it's not that safe. I sometimes wish he was at liberty to tell me more detailed information, but in the same breath I don't really want to know. I know he has been busy lately and I have, over the past couple months figured this not to be that great. I prefer when he is bored out of his tree, having nothing else to do during the day but hang out with his troop and think of us..hahaha

Well I'm going back to park my kiester on my chair and watch some more mind numbing TV... The volume is back up and running and I am enjoying the luxury of my tube... ahhhh the life of the unemployed stress free life (Note: that was a bad joke, my daughter and hubby are enough to keep me busy during this my time off)

FREE AT LAST...

My day was a never ending reminder of how this is meant to be. So much for fully enjoying my last day with Jeremy... The boy was lacking some major ZZZ's. He had refused to go to bed last night and it surely showed all morning. Mommy came to get him while we were outside playing shortly after lunch which was really nice. I don't feel like I miss him yet..lol

Later in the afternoon I got to paying bills and tried to organize some finances for the next few months. I am proud to say we are credit card debt free and up to date with all our outstanding this and that's :-) Now I have to watch my pennies and try to stretch my bucks. I only have a couple more gifts to buy for Ty and that will be it, then I will begin my frugal living. I just will have to ask myself if I really need it or just want it. I have been lucky in the fact that I have everything I feel we need, I even resisted buying a few more Tamaya gifts tonight while shopping. Besides I know all my family members get mad at me because they never get to buy the cool stuff because I beat them to it..so now they can shop to their heart content (hint hint..)

My hubby e-mailed me tonight while I was out and I actually missed out on being able to chat with him on-line which was disappointing. I did however receive the play by play instruction to get the volume back THANK GOODNESS. As soon as I park my butt to watch the tube I will get on that. He misses us of course, "cause we are so darn irresistable!!! I am sort of getting back in my life routine, but having him been and gone is harder than ever. We have such a great thing going. I couldn't of asked for a better hubby. ***I love ya babe and miss you so much, I'm pretty proud of you too!!!

Tonight while we were out at the mall Ty got to see Santa again. I still cannot believe he actually wants to be with him. The past couple years he couldn't even be in the same room without screaming. This Santa was good. He was so chatty with him and actually took the time to talk with him for a few minutes. He gave him a colouring book and took the time to show him some pages and all. I was pretty impressed and so was Ty. He left saying "mom I really like Santa a lot" and he's going to bring me pop wheels.. (translation; Hot wheel. Those darn commercials..lol. Now I have to pay attention to them to make sure I know which one he meant)

I'm off to do some last minute catalogue shopping and I hope I can get the items I'm looking for.

mourning my daycare???

Today was a nice day. I woke up feeling grumpy but I guess just knowing this is almost over gave me some positivity. The kids were good this afternoon and once they left and Ty was refreshed by a nap I decided I wanted to do something special for just the two of us. I picked up a couple movies and supper. Ty and I watched movies while sharing a poutine and club house. It was really nice. We watched 12 dogs of Christmas which was a great movie for kids and I got to watch Lake house.. for any hopeless romantics I definitely recommend it. Total chick flick. Steve loves that kind of movie..... he loves asking me at all the gushy parts if I'm crying yet..and of course ruins it for me because I totally keep it in. Tonight I had a few tears.. hahaha honey :-)

*** By the way Steve, now that I used the new home theatre, I can't get the volume back on the TV.. I don't think I can do 2+ months without volume on the TV.. especially now that I'm off???? HELP

Riley's dad is off work tomorrow and I will only have Jeremy. I'm very happy it turned out this way. I will be able to spend some quality time with him. I know I will miss the little fellow, but I know it's time to move on. I have had thoughts of regret from my decision because of Jeremy and his family. They really have been a big part of my life and I do in fact love Jeremy very much. I thought about the what if's... I thought maybe I should of just kept them, but I know in my heart this is what I need to do. I guess it could always be worst. Whenever I need a Jeremy fix I can always call them up and have him come over for a play date... he only lives up the road ;-) If it wasn't for the super duper early mornings I wouldn't be so exhausted.. It was so different when I didn't have to do so much.

I know I loved what I did, I had great days with the children and I enjoyed caring for them, doing fun things with them. When and if the time is right I could start over, but for now, me and my family come first... besides I wouldn't be any good if I continued this stressful path I was heading in.. I rather let it go while I still have a good name out there, while I still had my sanity, then have families quit me and bad mouth me because I got toooo stressed.

Any-who I'm babbling and will leave you with these pics from the last couple days. (sorry dad, I noticed the only side of the kitchen/BBQ I took pics of was the kitchen. I will try and get some of the other side when Ty is playing tomorrow)

too funny...

This morning my alarm neglected to go off. Yes, again this was the users fault and I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being a dumb ass clock operator... Soon I will no longer be a slave to my alarm and have anything to do with clocks..hahaha!!!

Yesterday I had a grumpy day. The accumulation of the mid-week blues and some cranky kids found me at my ends wit and emotional. I noticed my all too exhausted pattern kicking in again and I tried everything to stay calm and not stress out. After a day like yesterday it was a confirmation that I NEED to be off for so many different reasons.

Also Ty had another moment of talking about his feelings. He was sad and just sitting on the basement stairs after he had an altercation with Jeremy. I asked him if he needed a hugs and asked him what was wrong. He said "mommy, I miss my daddy". I explained that I missed him too, but he would be back... just like he was back last time and went over the story of how we went to get him. It seemed to hold him up until bed time and he again had a few tense moments and I managed to diffuse the destructive screaming, swearing and hitting, but he had a nice big cry and we talked about how every thing was going to be OK. He again mentioned that he lost his daddy and I told him he didn't loose him that he would be back. Poor little fellow. I find it hard not to have Steve around and I'm an adult.. I couldn't imagine how he must be feeling being a child and not fully understanding.

I got an e-mail last night in regard to Tamaya... pretty much saying there is still no news and that she is waiting for more information from Haiti to explain the new step that is rumored to be added to the process adding another 4-6 weeks to the already toooooo long process.

I got to attend Ty's nursery school concert and it was cute. He spent most of his time being silly and trying to annoy the other kids... ;-) That's my boy. Now I have Riley that is to show any moment now and of course he will have already napped and ate and won't have my time to relax and unwind before quiet time is over for the others...
fun fun (<---insert major sarcasm here)

Is it Friday yet...

This morning I found myself waking up too early.. even with the new clock I have a problem :-) The cause: the user. For some reason I set it wrong and with the big BRIIIINNNGGGGGG there was no turning back. Once I was up, I was up! I should be welcoming my kids any minute now, but have had the chance to shower, have a cup of coffee and read some of my daily blogs.

I miss my hubby, I received an e-mail this morning and he is so home sick. It seems like his time home was mostly a tease and a reminder of how much we mean to him. It's amazing how much his presence here is missed and honestly I don't think I've ever appreciated him as much as I did when he was here. It's so different with children and I have been so lucky to have such a wonderful hubby that shares all the household tasks as well as the parenting. Babe, I miss you and I can't wait till this tour is FINISHED so we can continue our lives together as a family... of 4.

My son has officially done a whole week without a meltdown. His meltdowns were daily.. sometimes even multiple meltdowns in a day. I figure it's a combination of things.

First, I have been dealing with him differently. Instead of barking, then putting him in a time out which would send him over the edge, I have been taking the time to calmly speak to him and briefly explain that what he did was wrong and not acceptable. Sometimes at that point he gets agitated because he is upset, but then I usually just hold him and reassure him that I love him until he is calm enough to talk too, then I explain. I also noticed he is not as tired as he used to be and seems to be sleeping through the night again and not napping.

I have also changed the location that Jeremy naps in order for Ty to have the basement to himself during quiet time. This way he can play, or watch some TV quietly and not only be stuck in my room. He is not getting bored and getting himself in trouble and "exploring".

The other thing that may have helped is the meltdown video I took. He watched it. It was clearly R rated with his bad language and throwing things at me, but he was amazed that it was him and kept saying it wasn't him it was another Ty. He even came to me the other day and said "maman, I haven't said a bad word". I then encouraged this good behavior and told him how proud I was of him.

It's amazing how I can see clearly now. Since Steve was home I realised I had almost forgotten what it was like to enjoy a quiet, peaceful day with no drama. My life had flashed by me and I didn't have time to simply see/think things clearly because of the hustle and bustle. I barely had any time to think profoundly. I am so happy I will finally have some time to enjoy being a mommy again... to enjoy those moments with him. Not to see him as a pain in my butt, but see him for the wonderful miracle he is to me. I had been so caught up with stress that I was merely just existing and on auto pilot. I finally get to be the stress free mommy and enjoy my son again. It was getting to the point that I would actually hold a grudge against him after his meltdowns and not be me, by forgiving and forgetting right away, because in a sense his time doing this took me away from doing other things that needed to be done. No wonder he was doing it... he needed my attention and for me to be with him. Parenting is the hardest possible "job" out there. I know I will never be the perfect parent, but at least I know I will not go down without a fight. I try my darnedest to be the best mommy for him... Now it's just to learn and grow from my mistakes and try better and harder the next time. I'm still bound to make more boo-boo's, but as long as I acknowledge them and can see where I am going wrong and change it, I will be a better person, wife and mother because of it. My family means the world to me and the least I can do is be mentally there for them.

Again thank you so so much Steve for letting me do this and being so supportive of me and my decision to drop the daycare. You are so wonderful and thank you for being you. Your love for us is truly amazing and we love you so so much too.

Monday Monday...

I think Mondays are possibly the worst day of the week ever. I can't wait to be on a permanent/temporary weekend :-) This weekend was so busy and I only had managed to get my main floor cleaned up. Now today I have been stressing about getting the basement done and catching up on laundry. Our laundry room is the only place in the whole house that gives us a little storage. When we did Tamaya's room we ended up taking some dressers out and I needed to make room in our laundry room.. what a pain when you have nothing to work with. Now I have Rubbermaid bins stored to the ceiling. At least I was able to finally get to my washer and dryer to the mound of laundry
(Mont wash more)... I think I have finally picked up everything of Steve's laying around, but I have kept some reminders of him around. I still have his yellow ball cap hanging... just a little reminder he will be home.

After a long morning of kids and cleaning I noticed that the plow had gone by and I was not looking forward to going out to pick up the heavy slush at the end of the driveway. I was going to wait until quiet time was over to get the kids ready and outside to do this awful job of mine when I noticed one of my neighbours had come by and did it for me with his 4 wheeler plow thingy. I also noticed he did all the driveways of our older neighbours and of the ones that hubby's are away on tour. I will be sure to thank him, I want him to know how truly appreciative I am. We have lived here for almost 7 years now and have gotten to know most people on the street. We have been so lucky to have a neighbourhood of great people.

Happy Sunday...

Yesterday was very productive, I managed to get some needed Christmas shopping started. I was in the check out thinking I must be missing someone I felt like there must of surely been more people to buy for and of course I realised we still had our niece and nephew. They are getting older and I hate just buying gift that are not special so I decided I will buy them a gift card and they can then choose something they will love. I guess if I knew them better this gift would be easier to buy, but unfortunately they are both out of town, and as much as we love and adore them, we don't truly know them.

My neighbour was a great help in letting me get shopping done without Ty. I called her to see if she was up for some Christmas kitty-cat sitting and she asked me if she could have Ty for the afternoon and bring him and her daughter to the churches Christmas party. It sure was nice to go into town get it done and run home without any interruptions.

Ty has been good these last few days, well not "good", but .. I have managed to diffuse could be meltdowns. I instead of popping a wig on him for being a kid. I have been choosing to talk and explain and he have consequences instead of a time-out/room time. Um.. I guess I have had more patience to deal with him. Because now that I am thinking about it, he wrote all over my winter jacket with a pen, broke my canopy in my bedroom from pulling and hanging off of it and I'm sure there is more, but I have actually been enjoying being his mommy. We have been spending many special moments together and been having fun snuggling, playing and just hanging out. Today he is supposed to be my cleaning helper. Then we have Steve's work kids Christmas party. They have changed it up this year, one side will be an adult luncheon and the other side of the building will be the kids. I'm looking forward to it.

I received another update on princess Tamaya-Chantaline; The pics are priceless!!! I can't even begin to express how happy I am that my baby girl is with Marijke. I have been spoiled rotten with pictures and updates and I feel like at any time if I need to have info, or if I am having a Tamaya "craving" Marijke seems to come through with sending pics. I was looking in my Tamaya album and I have well over a hundred pics of her. When we were waiting for Ty I am lucky if I got a dozen pics. With her I have been notified of all important milestones as they happened and it has been priceless. The differences in adoptions have been night and day really!!! Soon enough she will be home and I will get to enjoy every moment of her as well. :-) From the pics her fro is growing in nicely... I bet by the next time I get pics she will have twist in it.

Have a great Sunday... hi ho, hi ho...off to cleaning I go.

Here is the update; :-)

Dear Sue, Steve and Ty.

Hereby an update from Chantaline.

Chantaline is doing fine, she is a lovely happy girl and most of the
time she is happy.
She is outside during the day, playing with the other some bigger
children. She loves most the personal attention but she can also play on her own when she has a toy she likes.
She definitely cries much less than a couple of months ago and it seems
like she learnt better how to play on her own as well as with other
children. Off course sometimes she cries when she wants a toy of another child but that's normal on her age. And so right now she's doing very well with the other children.

Chantaline is eating very well, she likes almost everything. Just
sometimes she doesn't want to eat the cereal but she grows really well
and weights now almost 11 kilo so that's a perfect weight for her age.
She also sleeps very well. Almost always she sleeps all night long
without awakening. She also sleeps in the afternoon from around noon
until 1.30 pm. So she's a good sleeper.

About her health, she is a healthy girl and she haven't been sick last
months. Only the eruption on her head came back again and we let the
laboratory examine which microbe it is. So she had an antibiotic and
it's gone now. We hope it stays away!
But beside that she's in a good health!

About her development. Chantaline is developing well. She walks, runs
and climbs on things and is trying to discovering. She is not yet saying
words really clear but she's talking a lot and you definitely hear from
the sound of her voice if she says something in a kind or something
angry. So she's a real lady!

We took some photos again and we hope you'll like them! Also a photo to wish you merry Christmas and also we, Marijke and Agnes already wish you a merry Christmas and we hope your little girl will be soon with you!!!

A big kiss from Chantaline and greetings from Marijke and Agnes.

A couple Ty funnies...

Ty has been such a comedian. He has embarrassed me and also has had me laughing so hard lately. I thought I would share some of his silly lines/stories.

He put on the babies hat yesterday.

"Ty take that off your head" I exclaimed.

"Why mom?" he asked inquisitively.

I told him "It's because some hats have bugs in them and if you put a hat on with bugs you might get them and they will stay stuck in your hair.

A few hours later...

"OH NO, take that hat off Riley, it has bugs in it" he told Riley's dad when he had come to pick him up to bring him home.

I tried to explain this to his dad without laughing to hard, but I must admit my son certainly embarrassed me.

____________________________________

This morning I was on the phone with Steve and Ty was busy looking in the sears wishbook. He looked very interested and kept on saying "ohhh mommy I like this", I figured he found another toy to add to his letter to Santa. I took a peak at what he was looking. He was in the women's undergarment section checking out the ladies in their bra's and panties??? He then says to me "mommy, I like this lady, do you think I could have her in my room???" OH MY GOSH!!! I told this to Steve while I was in shock and Steve replied "tell him he's to young.. he has to wait until he is older." NOW, I don't know which comment shocked me more Ty's or Steve's... ;-) I can assure you my hubby is banned from explaining the birds and the bees to Ty..lol

OOOOOOOh, I feel good... dada dada dada da

I knew that I would now... So good, so good.

So I am tad happy about my decision.. does it show? First off I want to thank you for your support. Steve, mom, dad, Stephanie, Patricia and other lurkers that thought this was a great idea.

I know I have made a good decision. I really had a hard time making it, but I know without a doubt this is what I need to do to stay healthy and sane. I highly doubt I will be bored, however if it shall happen I rather be bored out of my tree and relaxed, then be admitted in mental health for a breakdown or depression. I know myself all to well to know to take it easy when it's time and it is time. :-) I can honestly admit that this has been a very hard year for me; probably the worst one yet. I need to ensure I have enough quality sleep and enough time to deal with my emotions to be both a good wife and mom. I'm not into being a half ass anything and my family means way to much to me to slack and give them less than they deserve.

I have been quite lucky in life that opportunities have always come knocking at my door. I have never had a hard time finding work, nor having a problem taking a chance and trusting everything would work itself out. When it is time for me to go back to work I trust it will find me. I have a great resume, if I choose to go back to working out of my home I am very "employable". Who knows what grand opportunities are waiting to knock at my door...

Well...

Wow what a day filled jammed packed with action. After my morning I should of known my day would be filled with chaos...

I started getting Ty ready for nursery school and he was acting silly, Jeremy flat out refused to get dressed so I could bring Ty and to put the icing on the cake when I went to get the baby up I noticed he had vomited all over in the fresh, clean playpen??? So we were of course a tad late for nursery school. I stopped in at my girlfriends house so the kids could have a play-date. There was a few tense moments and a few time-outs. We then went to pick Ty up, I made lunch for the kids and of course the baby didn't keep it in, he got sick again... sooooo I called his mom and told her this was the second time he was sick (she had told me this morning when she dropped him off he would probably be tired because he was up most of the night, she mentioned that he had a cold and wasn't feeling well. I said I don't mind runny noses, it's when they puke I have a problem with it) I also asked her if he had been sick at all when he was up during the night "no, he was sick after I fed him breakfast thought" she exclaimed! WHAT???? No respect for my darn policy's and it ERKS me. So I told her that he was already in bed and if it was the flu he probably already spread the joy, but that I would appreciate that one of them would come pick him up earlier, like right after his nap.

While Steve was home on leave I had a lot of time to reflect on this and that. Ty was well rested, no early wake up calls, he was a "normal" kid with less meltdown and I honestly had more patience and less stress to actually deal with him. I have been tossing around the idea of stopping the daycare and was really looking forward to having Tamaya home so I could raise my kids and just be their mom and not super daycare Sue...

Today I have official given my families their notice. My last day of work will be next Friday. I have not decided if this decision is permanent, or if I will re-open later with new families, or I may chose to go outside my home to work once Tamaya has settled in. For now I will be off work for at least 6 months. Our nest egg will hold us up for the next little while without having to stress about it financially.

This decision is bitter sweet. One that I have been avoiding for a very long time. It's not like just quitting a job I didn't like and just moving on to a bigger, better one because there are many aspect of daycare that I love, mainly the children. I have been such a great part of their lives as they have been in ours. They have been a part of our everyday lives. My little Jeremy started here when he was only 6 months old and he is almost 3 now.

I have toyed with the idea numerous times but it never seemed like a great idea at the time. I can now say and know this is in all of our best interests. Mine, Ty's, Tamaya's and Steve's. I will be a better mother and wife because of it.

And the best part of the day was when I came upstairs and noticed my dear hubby on-line. We got to chat on-line for a little bit. He had just landed in the "secret" location. He will hopefully be able to call me tomorrow. It was nice to have his full support on my decision and even though he is now across the world from me I felt like I got a big cyber hug from him.... GOSH I MISS HIM SO MUCH!!! and yes, I had darn tears again...lol

clocks...???

OK. So this wind up clock SUCKS. It's one of those old fashioned type wind up clocks. It's so cute looking, but man oh man it scared the hell out of me at 5:30 this morning. BRRRRRRRRIINNNNNNNGGGGG. The cat went flying off the bed, I swear I saw him jumping 5 feet up in the air, I had no clue how the turn the sucker off. No snooze button, and believe me I needed a snooze button this morning.
I had all kinds of time to take a shower and get ready this morning, but instead I just sat here in shock for at least 30 minutes..lol. then I got the playpen ready for the baby, made my coffee (It really sucked only making coffee for one) and then they started arriving. My older 2 will no longer be coming. It was a temporary arrangement while she waited for her son to be 12 so he could take care of his younger sister. The baby showed up at 6:15, I gave him a couple snuggles and put him down for his morning nap. Then my other 2 came in shortly thereafter. They are all having fun playing with the BBQ/kitchen. (Yes dad... I know I still need to take pics..lol)

p.s. The other day while Ty was in my room I caught him picking his nose and eating it. "Oh Ty, no no no Ty, that's gross, you never do that. It will make you sick." I exclaimed without much thought "But mom, that's my bubble gum" he replied. WHAT???? My gosh.. bubble gum?

We're back...

This morning started off pretty grim, we we're trying to get Ty ready so we could leave and Ty decided he didn't want his papa to leave. "No papa, you can't go" he said and it saddened us both. Steve told him he had to leave, but he would be back. I looked at Steve and you could see that it was hard on him... to hear those words from his son. I kept myself from crying and tried to stay strong, but the lump was there.

We left around 9:30 (I was actually ready before I had too??? I'm usually always late and this frustrated my army man to no end, I guess I felt a need to impress him..hahaha) we took the scenic route through town, got a coffee... just had a nice quiet ride to the airport. We didn't talk much... just enjoyed being together as a family. We had lots of time to spare and I elected not to go shopping with Steve. I asked him if he wanted to have lunch in a family restaurant and he said he was to depressed to even think of eating.

When we arrived at the airport I convinced him to come have some lunch with us at a little fast food joint. We grabbed lunch, then went to the check in line. A couple of military guys we're waiting in line and told Steve it didn't open up for another 20 minutes. Instead of just sticking around waiting for the check in to open I asked him if he would prefer to just walk us to the van and we would both go our separate ways. He thought this was a good idea and off we went.

As I was walking to the vehicle I had a couple tears knowing I would have to wait another few months to be with him again. He said his good bye's to Ty.. gave him a big squeeze and told him to be good for his mom. He then put him in his car seat and it was our turn. I immediately started to cry. I told him to stay safe and to take care out there. We held each other as I sobbed and felt safe in the arms of my honey. We said goodbye and then as he was about to leave I asked him if he wanted to have a smoke with me before he left. He finished it quickly but I gathered enough strength to pull myself together before our next good-bye.
I got into the van and felt empty. It's was so hard to see him leave again.
Ty quickly changed my train of thought with his comedy and imagination. "when I'm big I'm going to go on a blue plane to work and Catherine is going to cry when I leave" (Catherine is our neighbour and she is the same age as him. I think he thinks she's going to be his wife..lol) I asked him if he wanted to go home to snuggle and watch a movie or go shopping. He said SHOPPING mommy.. :-)

We went to Michael's a craft type store. I was hoping to find a few gift ideas, but that didn't happen. I had a ginger bread cookie cutter in the cart and instead of going through the check-out with it I put it back. We then went next door to Ikea and Ty wanted to go into the playroom. I did some shopping all by myself. I checked out the laptop table that I was looking at but it looked pretty cheap and flimsy. The last thing I want is my computer to fall to the floor because of some plastic cheap table. I saw a nice trunk/toy box that would look great in Tamaya's room, but I decided to wait it out. I ended up spending a whole $14... I really didn't have it in me to shop... humm, I wonder why? I did however buy myself a wind up alarm clock...lol. My other one still has the same issues, but I really didn't care because I haven't had to use the darn alarm for almost 3 weeks.

We got to town and did a quick grocery. I was getting hungry and was about to stop to buy some sub's, but thought, instead of spending my money at subway, may as well go get some groceries and make subs when we get home. Of course they has no sub buns... so we had them on a hot dog bun instead and picked at a small tray of veggies... After supper I was putting the groceries away and noticed Steve had written me a little note on the fridge calendar " love you and Ty lots. xoxoxoxox have a great holiday" Of course this again made me cry...

When it was time for Ty to go to bed tonight I could tell he was going to give me a hard time. I knew he would probably lash out at me so I put my patience hat on and forgot about my issues and went into mommy mode. Of course as soon as I asked him to do anything he was very defiant. I convinced him to get his jammies on and he ran half way up the stairs because he didn't want to go to bed, he wanted to watch TV. I picked him up and held him close. I told him I knew it was hard, but I was here and I love him forever and always. He sobbed, he cried... we both cried. I held him close and reassured him that everything was going to be ok. He looked up at Steve's family picture and he said" mommy, daddy's not gone he's right there. I asked him if he wanted to kiss him good night and he thought that was a great idea. He kissed daddy's picture and said "mommy don't cry... it's going to be ok". My dear son is wiser than his years sometimes.
I'm off to bed, I have tears in my eyes again it's been a long and draining day. I wish I would have taken tomorrow off too.
Good night

Tuesday morning blues...

The house is so quiet. Ty is gone to nursery school and Steve is out doing some last minute shopping. I am enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee and thinking of tomorrow and having to send Steve back off. I still find it amazing how it feels like just yesterday we went to get him. I guess time flies when your having fun. Now if only the rest of his tour goes that fast.

Looking at the positive, I get to go shopping in the city tomorrow. I was browsing through the Ikea catalogue and found a cute little laptop table. I'm looking forward to getting that instead of always having the computer on the kitchen table. The whole point of having the laptop and wireless connection was to be able to have the darn computer where ever but it has become a permanent resident of the table for the last few months.

I wonder if I can also convince Steve to leave first thing in the morning and find the toys r us so I can go buy Ty's Christmas presents without our little man seeing the loot he is getting from Santa???

I was looking at the forecast for tomorrow and they are expecting more snow... maybe we will get lucky and Steve's flight will be cancelled/delayed and we can maybe spend one more night together??? I know it's wishful thinking, but none the less it would be nice.

I just got off the cell phone with Steve and he is already on his way home. I should get to my housework and make it look like I did something while he was away. ;-)

Monday News...

Last week we received a letter from Ty's orphanage stating there has been confirmed cases of both sexual and physical abuse during his time there. They mentioned they have now notified all parents that had children in the Orphanage while the said nanny was there. (He has been home almost 3 years. Man, does it really take that long to let parents know their children were in an abusive environment..???, plus the letter clearly stated to keep this info on the down-low... so I am only sharing this with my blogger friends) For obvious reasons the nanny was fired right after one child came forward. They also mentioned that they had originally thought the abuse was only of the older girl, but now have some cases of boys coming out as well. With Ty having been so young while he was there he is unable to verbalise whether this abuse happened to him, but he may have been a witness. My poor baby. I have had a bad feeling for a while about the trauma my son has endured in the O, I also recently found out that while he was there, there was 1 nanny caring for 30 babies... he was one of them, I was totally under the impression the child to nanny ratio was 5:1. I guess ignorance is bliss???

As many of you know I have been having great difficulties with Ty and after again speaking to a few professionals I will proceed with getting him therapy for pre-verbal trauma. I have been invited to attend a 6 week seminar for parents which have children that have endured a traumatic event in their live, the focus will be teaching parents how to be the therapist and how to get to the root problem. Once the sessions are over, I will be attending a few visits with the specialist, then together we will work on intense trauma therapy with Ty. At least we are no longer at a stand still with his issues and can now proceed with therapy. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere.

My Tamaya has had her test back from bio-med in Haiti. She did have another fungal infection on her scalp that they are now treating with an antibiotic... thank goodness they didn't shave her head again. :-) Still no news on if she is out of court... hopefully this week? There is a rumour their stamp broke and are waiting for a new one... LOL.. only in Haiti man oh man. GOD GIVE ME THE PATIENCE TO GET THROUGH THIS WITHOUT LAUGHING TOO HARD!!!

I love my honey so much, I can't believe only a couple days left and he will be gone again. It seems like just yesterday he back came home. I guess soon enough he will be home for good. I have a hard time looking at him. Every time I do I get a lump in my throat. I have all those insecurities of what ifs and am so afraid that I will loose him. I know it's just my deepest fears, but none the less it doesn't make it any easier. If only he could just stay home. I wonder if I break his legs while he is sleeping they would let him stay home??? (OK ... that was just a thought, you all know I'm not that psycho..right?)

I'm trying to process all of this information. Possible abuse, getting Ty therapy, Steve leaving, having the daycare kids back on Thursday, the grant, my daughter, Christmas shopping that I haven't even thought of shopping for yet, going home for Christmas, :-) getting my house cleaned (Can you believe my beloved husband convinced me that we would finish it tomorrow, he is so much worst than I am)

Like Eeyore would say "everything is gonna be alright".

Snowy days...

I was supposed to do my Sunday cleaning.. but... my dear hubby suggested we do it tomorrow :-) It didn't take much for him to twist my rubber arm and agree!!! And I thought I was a procrastinator. He is worst than I am and I am bad. This afternoon I had decided to take a little snoozy. My gosh I slept for almost 4 hours??? I hope I can get to sleep tonight. I don't even feel like I needed it.

I can't believe Steve is leaving to go back in just a few days. It seems like the time went so fast. We explained to Ty that Steve's vacation is almost done and that he would be returning to Afghanistan. He said "no daddy, you can't leave again because that will make me cry" My heart just ached for our little guy. He then told Steve he would go with him because he is a soldier too!!! Awwww the innocence of children.
Hopefully with Christmas coming and us being with friends and family time will fly by and before we know it our family will all be together.

making up for my slacking...

I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to Sistah Rosna. We have have spend many hours together. Sometimes I got very intimidate by her. She isn't the prettiest lady around but her hair is the reason we have spent so many hours together. She has offered me a little glimpse of the hours I will be spending enjoying doing my daughters hair. Great bonding time :-) Too bad Tamaya got the buzz. Now it will take a little while for her to get the length she had so that I can make more intricate hairdo's!!!! I think for the first while she is home she will be sporting the natural fro w/ a hairband... and having the occasional hair puffs!!!



Sistah Rosna is now sporting my favorite little girl style. Mind you I had been experimenting and she has cornrows on the right and double strand twist on the left. I love the little fro puffs :-)

neglecting my blog?...

Friday night Steve and I went out for dinner with our friends. It was nice to have an adult evening with our best buddies and have a nice dinner out. We went to a nice small restaurant in the next little town. Every time I have been there the food and service has been great... almost like a little hidden secret. We looked for a place to go out for a couple drinks afterwards and because we were having a snow storm most places were empty. Besides now a days people seem to go out for a couple drinks past midnight??? We ended up coming over to the house and having a drink here. The night ended around midnight and no one ended waking up hungover. ;-)

Saturday we spent the day in. They had a Santa parade, but we elected to stay home and just enjoy another relaxing day. I'm thinking I can get used to this!!! We got a couple movies for the evening and even let Ty stay up a little later to watch one. For the second half Ty and I snuggled on the chair and I tell ya... that's what being a mommy is all about. Jeeeezzzz I love him. With all of the difficulties I have with him, I wouldn't trade him for the world!!! He is without a doubt MY little boy, he's got mommy's heart that's for sure.

Of course today is Sunday and that will involved scrubbing and getting the house back in order. If only the house could stay like a Sunday clean I would be happy... Maybe when we no longer have any pets??? Steve and Ty are going out in the snow soon to shovel. I'll be sure to get some pictures of my boys. I love when they spend time together. Male bonding at it's best.

I've decided I will be going home for Christmas. I have 3 weeks off and it will be so nice to be able to spend the holidays with my friends and family. I highly doubt Tamaya will be home for the holidays, but I do know for sure this will be our last Christmas without her. Realistically she will prob be home Feb/March.. which is when Steve will be back. I know that time will be "perfect-timing". If only I had all the answers and would know what the future holds. At least then I could wait patiently... but I guess my lessons in patience wouldn't be learnt if everything just came easy. If there is anything I need to learn in this life-time would be to just trust and have patience, but when it comes to waiting for my children this has been my biggest problem. It's so difficult to stand by when my baby girl is miles away, I love her dearly and she doesn't even know me, she doesn't know or realise how much she is wanted and needed here, I will have fun making up for missed hugs and snuggles. She will someday feel the love we all for her... until then she will be loved from afar.

GREAT NEWS...

Steve came home with the mail this afternoon. We had been waiting for a specific letter to come. I opened the registered letter and was expecting the letter to thank us for applying, but not at this time. I tore the letter open and read the 1st line; On behalf of ORPHAN'S HOPE CONGRATULATIONS. I threw the letter up in the air jumped in Steve's arms and shouted we got it.. we got the grant... HOLY SH*T. He picked up the letter to double check and I have had a permasmile on my face ever since.

We have received a $10 000 grant towards Tamaya's adoption and I am just simply too happy. We had applied for a grant towards her adoption expenses a couple months ago. I had procrastinated on sending it feeling like there would be someone out there that would surely need it more than us and really didn't feel deserving of such a grand donation. My mom convinced me that we were just as deserving of the as the next person and that we should. What would be the worst that would happen? We simply wouldn't get it! I had everything ready to send and my mom again suggested I write a cover letter to accompany the application. I explained our situation and how difficult waiting for our daughter and hubby was and that financial help would be greatly appreciated. I don't know if it was a deciding factor in our approval, but it is my life and darn it has been a rough go these past months.

THANKS MOM for being so great. You are the greatest mommy and grandma in the whole wide world!!!!

Orphan's hope had also donated $5000 towards Ty's adoption and he is one the front page of their website. The procedures for Ty's grant was different and was given to us from our agency. CLICK HERE to view their website.

Moustache Part 2...

What is it around here with my boys and their moustaches???

My son has a cold. The ones that drip down the upper lip with no notice, and we are constantly running after him with a tissue. I was heading towards him with a Kleenex and he says "mom, no you can't away take my moustache" WHAT????, and he of course repeated this. It's no longer the milk moustache it is officially the boogie moustache around here!!!

Steve and I are having such a nice vacation. We haven't been doing much of anything besides spending some quiet days enjoying each others company. Today I had a few tears as we were talking. I know that next week I will be sending him off again and that my life will be very active and stressful again. Just having him home changes so many things in so many ways. When we were just married with no children his tours were a time that I would do everything for me... it was nice to be selfish and just worry about myself. I would take care of me, exercise, diet, warm baths and soothing massages. His time home was appreciated but I didn't feel like I needed his support as much as I do now. I am a very independent woman, but until now I haven't really realised how much of an active father he is, how much he helps and just how much him being a part of my life was so important. I guess I just really appreciate having him home and it's going to be hard to see him off again. I know I will get through it.. I can do it, but it's so nice not to have to right now.

No news on the adoption. I'm hoping to hear we are out of court soon. It's been a month since we've been out of IBESR. It shouldn't be to much longer before we have another step done and off to passport hell we go. It looks like some families have been waiting 3+ months for stinken passport??? Oh did I ever say that I was done adopting..lol.. 'cause if I haven't let me repeat it again... I AM SO SO DONE!!!!
*** I guess when they say you know when your done they are so right.

this and that...

Tamaya's room is now complete with her new mattress and all. It's nice to have it all done :-) I feel as though I have accomplished so much and it feels like a weight has been lifted knowing I don't have to worry about that project anymore. It turned out like I had pictured in my mind!!!

I received an update the other day about my baby girl; (I am posting it here, please keep in mind that the lady that wrote it is Dutch and English is not her first language!)

Hi Sue and Steve,I tried to send you pictures but the Internet is doing badly.Chantamaya was running around, she did not like to be on the pictures,she has a lot of energy and turns everywhere.She is so nice and doing well.Sometimes she has pimpels on her head. Today we did go to Bio-med to do a test. It shall take a week before we know it. We don't like to shave her hair everytime. Anaïse did have it too, she came with it, but by her it does not comeback. We choose for a test for Chantamaya, but it is not very badly. You can't see it on the pictures, so little it is. She is trying out how far she can go by taking toys away of other children. By Agnes and me she has not a lot of chances, but the ladies do nothing with it and than Chantaline is doing like a child that is going on, but it is not her. She has only to learn what is allowed and what not.When I put her for punishment in her bed, she cries, when I talk with her, she is angry, she looks at me. I tell her that every time that she is taking toys away, I put her in her bed. I put her on the ground, she is looking at me, I give her another toy and she is playing fine. She knows it so well, but she needs some help.When you have to play with 3 or 6 other children it is good that she tries to be the boss. Agnes and I have to laugh about her. She is so nice ...It is a beautiful girl. A big hug of her for you all of Chantamaya, greetings and Love Marijke

I love getting my updates. Marijke opened up her home is such a wonderful soul. She didn't like seeing the children suffer in the orphanage and decided she would take them into her home while they waited for their paper work to be complete. She is always training her nannies and demands that they provide excellent care. I am blessed and happy knowing my baby girl is in her home with such GREAT nannies to care for her. It's still not my home, but I couldn't ask for a better place for her to be while she waits to join us.

A couple days ago I was going through my pictures of my trip to Haiti and couldn't believe how much time has gone by and how much my baby has grown. It feels like it was only a few months ago, but it's been 10 months. I have thought about going back... A part of me would be on the next plane, and the other part of me doesn't want to go on that emotional ride again. It was magical the first time I met her, but having to leave her and of the other emotional feelings I went through were draining... it was nothing I have ever experienced. I know having gone and her no longer just being a baby in a picture has made this waiting SO SO HARD, but I don't regret having such an experience in my children birth country.

Here is a picture from my trip.

I'm bored...

My hubby's home, I am off work, my son is good, I have less responsibilities and I AM BORED (which is a great thing, but I am so bored I don't know what to do with myself). I know I needed a break from my stressful life and I should be grateful that life is so uneventful, but my life has been filled with such chaos I don't know what to do with myself when I have nothing to do...lol

Here are some pics of her room with the curtains, a couple pics of Ty and some new pics of Tamaya I received today!!! I'm going to park my butt back on the lazy-boy and watch some more TV...back to boredom :-)

Freaken done...

I did have some moments of panic throughout the day, we did manage to pull the house together and now I don't feel like a filthy pig. I guess I freaked out for nothing as they have not arrived yet :-) I was up at 6am worried I wouldn't have enough time to get everything into place. Steve got a few lectured during our cleaning. He is wayyyyy to mellow and he was the one that convinced me to do it all today instead of my original plan to clean the paint mess and get the extra furniture in the basement then all we would have left to do today would be to clean the house. Thank goodness he is cute and we got it done because he would have got the " your in big trouble" look had they arrived and we were half done... Hahaha.. but we got 'er done!!!

I have posted some pics of Tamaya's room without the mattress or the curtains up. I will be sure to send the completed pics once I have finished the room. I am so proud of it and it's the first time since we bought the house that I actually like the darn pink carpet. The room used to be Ty's and it didn't matter what I did with the room I HATED the pink and I couldn't hide it. There were many moments were I was ready to rip it out, but now I'm glad I kept it. I find it really brings the whole room together.

So now my message to the universe: Tamaya we are ready for you.. you can come home now!!! We love you baby girl.

Before and After

This was the room before and the film loop is now the new and improved Tamaya's room!!!

I think tomorrow I may panic...

It's so wonderful to have my hubby home. Ty is back to being a "normal" kid. Daddy just gives him the hairy eye balls and he straightens right up. Ty has been sleeping full nights and hasn't been napping in the afternoons to catch up... he gets to sleep in without any interruptions from daycare kids coming in at 6:15 and doesn't hear me getting ready at 5:30. It really has brought a few things to my attention that I will have to put some thought into.

I finished painting Tamaya's room. Steve put the chair rail up and he almost gave up because he couldn't figure out how to get a the angles straight. I told him not to give up.. I wanted the flippen room finished. After a couple head scratches *I* figured it out and it went well from there. He brought in the cut pieces and I hammered them in, the I painted them. At one point today when I passed by her room and took a peek I had a few tears stream down my cheek. I was happy Steve and I had the chance to tackle the room together and also a sense of awww knowing Tamaya is on the home stretch. All I have to do now is a quick vacuum, bring the old dresser downstairs and for Steve to put the bed together. (I still need to buy a mattress and a curtain rod, hopefully this weekend.) and then I will be sure to post pictures of my baby girls room!!!

My house has been neglected these last couple days and I know I will be in a huge panic tomorrow because my in-laws are coming for the weekend and I need to get toooo much stuff done. I could be doing something right now beside blogging, but that again would mean I am not a procrastinator.. :-)

Whoa...

What a day. I feel like I was lazy for the best part of the morning, but I sure made up for that. I have now officially started Tamaya's room. What a job. The room used to be Ty's and there was a tool belt border. I took that off!!!, and he had peeled most of the paint off and took a hammer to the wall. The prep work took me most of the afternoon. Then I had to sand the putty job We put the closet organiser in her closet. Put her clothes in it. I have all the dolls and stuff I collected for her over the past year in the closet too. There was stuff in the bins in her closet that I forgot I even had. Because it was the "spare room" junk accumulated and now I have a million things to find room for.
I have started painting the room and everything needed to be painted... the trims, baseboards, the closet door and the door. The off white I chose really looked awful next to the crisp white that was there so I had no choice. I only have the second coat of the green left to do then I will be off to bed. Tomorrow Steve can put the bed together and hopefully he will buy the material to put up the chair rail. I can't wait until it's done so I can see the finished product.
Better yet. I can't wait until she is home so I can see her sleeping in her room :-)

My 2 babies are sleeping...

So I guess a cold combined with jet lag = a sleeping hubby at 7:00pm. I put Ty to bed and turned my head to find Steve passed out on the couch as well. I asked him if he wanted me to close up the basement lights and TV and he said "no, no, let me just sleep for 10 minutes... ummm no 20." I told him I would wake him up in 30 and chuckled and told him I would see him in the morning. He said, "oh no,no I can take little naps now"... HA HA HA, yeah right! He never, ever can only take a little nap. If he sleeps he is out for the night. It's nice to know I still know him so well. He has also managed to get out of some shores because of his fresh tattoo. He couldn't cook, do dishes, or give Ty a bath??? hummmm??? I think I may be the one suffering for his "art" ;-)

While Ty was in nursery school we went to the ski-doo shop and looked at some winter snow suits for Steve as well as Ty. We bought Ty's and will give it to him for Christmas. I bought it big hoping it will be ok for next year. Steve's is on order and we hope to get it in the next couple days. They're not the same, but they match. I'm sure Ty will be so happy that Santa brought him such a cool ski-doo suit.

It's so funny and unusual to see my hubby spend money. He never usually spends any money on himself unless I encourage it. Since he has come home he has been making up for lost times which is nice to see. We will also have to buy him a few pairs of jeans. He lost so much weight that the jeans he has are way toooo big and they really don't look good. I still have to get him on the scale for the official weight loss, but I'm thinking close to 40lbs. Before he left to go to Afghanistan he lost about 10 lbs on a training exercise and he must of lost at least 30 since he's been in Afghanistan. My parents really noticed the drop, but I really didn't notice that much of a change until we started looking at summer picture and noticed how loose his t-shirt are now compared to the summer pics. If only I could drop 40 lbs that fast. Of course I could sign up for the military and ..... ummm nope, I don't think so. I think I rather stay "plump" and be nice and safe in my Canadian bubble!!!

My Convict..lol.. well that's what he looks like or some kind of biker dude!!! The Boys he works with say he looks like an 1980's porn star.. hahaha!!!!

He looks like he just shaved off 10 years..

although it's not baby smooth,

it's better than that caterpillar.

Steve is officially, moustacheless. :-)

It's so nice to have Steve home, we are getting along great. He has been so helpful and it is so nice to co-parent as well as not having all the responsibilities alone. He is so appreciative of everything I cook..lol. Yesterday he just loved and enjoyed his bologna sandwich a little too much.

Steve went and got his tattoo done today. He only got the one for Ty, but not the one for Tamaya yet. I will be sure to post some pictures of it soon.

Steve shaved his moustache... I think he lovvvvvvvvves me!!!! I hadn't taken a before pic, but fortunately he took a picture of himself with it. I think he was proud of it.. hahaha!!! He didn't shave it baby smooth. I think his plan now is to let grow a goat-t???