Domesticated?!?...

Now I remember why I am NOT a from scratch baker...


My plan - Banana bread & banana nut muffins.


Instead of the premixed version like my usual baking strategy I called my mom and got my late grandma's recipe.

I took all the ingredients out to make it faster and easier on all of us. We mixed the wet, than the dry. Then mixed them together. The very last thing to do was mix the 2 cups of banana's (which I should of measure prior to, because I was about a 1/2 cup short) and 2 tsp of vanilla. As I was putting in the 2nd teaspoon of "vanilla" I noticed it didn't smell quite like the yummy aroma I was expecting?!? I looked at the bottle and realised I had just added red wine vinegar and NOT vanilla.... so, I did all I could do to scrape it out where it landed and hoped for the best..lol


I am happy to report my vanilla-less, vinegar banana bread/muffins do taste like the real deal!

Attachment & bonding...

As far as my bonding with Tamaya goes, since I have been "aware" I have noticed some extra awwww moments. I have moments of looking at her and getting THE feeling. I have been taking extra time to spend some one on one fun, quality time with her - doing her nails, playing dolls. I have also been spending more time with her before bedtime just snuggling, singing to her and rubbing her back. It's just really been nice to enjoy her!

She love helping out and I have been making a conscious effort to include her in everything I do.

When she wakes up from her nap I plan on baking with her. (if she isn't up soon it may wait until I get Ty from the bus) - Pics to follow!

Just for you Dad!!!

Click Here

My projects...

I've been getting into my digital scrapbooking! Here is a preview of a couple projects I have completed. Unfortunately I can't share the whole album because they are going to be given as Christmas presents to a few family members, but here is the preview...

Part of the "first snow" album...

(click the pic to enlarge)

Part of my brother and sister album...

(click to enlarge)

Good week...

We had a really good week... I actually took time for me during Tamaya's nap and felt refreshed. I put some nice soothing music, wrapped myself up in bed and just had some quiet time myself... and a couple times my relaxing brought me to a nice little snooze level :-). I love getting all snuggled up in my nice comfy blankets and just do absolutely nothing, it gives me such peace and tranquility.

I feel that now that I am aware I have been much more patient and have been taking some time to have special moments with Tamaya. I actually feel like I looked at her differently this week... I had many more awwww moments and I just really enjoyed her company. (more on that in another post)

I have to keep reminding myself that it is still very new... she has only been home a little over 2 months (plus our time together in Haiti), it does feel like she has been home soooo long, like she has always been part of our day to day, how quickly we forget!

Hubby and I have also spent some time talking, it's really nice to express my feelings and talk about how we can make things better!!! A lot of times we just kind of go on with life and neglect each other - not intentionally mind you, we just kind of forget to make time for each other... I feel like we are close again and its really nice.

Ty has had a few good notes from his teacher!!! He seems to be doing really good at school. He had one day where he got a not so nice "we had a hard day today" note, but the next day he was very remorseful and let his teacher know he was very sorry and that he was now ready to be a team!!! :-) After the note, I asked his teacher to call me, she said that besides that incident (I later realised Ty was up in the night!), Ty was a great little student and because of his curiosity and question asking he has helped other student feel as though they can also participate! She also said she finds him very funny :-) He has had a few hard moments at school that really hurt him. The first was a kid in his class called him poop, later I found out he called him poopy head- of course neither of those words are unacceptable, but could also have complete different meanings. I let the teacher know I was concerned and that if she could have a nice conversation about diversity I would greatly appreciate it. She said "of course" and seemed to be right on board with me. After the name calling we talked about how to handle such a situation. We talked about how we can let the name caller know we are NOT a "poopy head" and then let a teacher know right away so that she can deal with it.
So on Friday... he talked about an incident of being called stupid and he did handle the situation very well, but was very hurt.
I love the fact that he expressed his feeling about it and we were able to let him know he did a good job handling the situation.
I miss the little guy when he's gone to school, well wait... I don't miss him in the longing for him kind of way, but I certainly look forward to having him home!

Here are a few pics...

Helping mommy unload the dishwasher

Ty actually requested I take pictures of him and his sister, she's got the whole fake "cheese" going on, do you know how hard it is to take good pictures of 2 kids together.. nearly impossible!

Her bling and shirt match..lol

Cute, cute, cute!!

Being aware...

Admitting what is going on and reflecting has certainly brought some issues forthright and now it's time to deal and make changes.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me... You know, one of those days were your heart is on your sleeve (maybe even brought on by hormones?!?) and you realise all of the problems around you that need to be addressed instead of being swept under the rug. Yeah.. I have been doing some sweeping and now it's time to work through some of my shit and make time for me! I have been through so much emotionally in the past year or so and now it's time to address those things so that I can be a better me, wife and mother.

I am looking forward to the change!

WOW... took the words right out of my mouth...

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=536

OH MY GOSH... this is exactly how I'm feeling, and it so makes sense - I soooo don't want to go there like I've had to with Ty, plus the adoption stress while waiting. I knew I was ok and surely wasn't alone but at least now I feel more normal!!

Thank you so much Sarah for this link!!!

Attachment and adjustment stuff...

I have really been struggling with this post. I guess when I really start thinking of what to write about such an intense, personal experience my mind start over thinking and all of a sudden I was also having to deal with issues surrounding my feelings, and how attachment issues and adjustment affects our family. Anyways I am ready to re-start this post for the umpteenth time and hope this one doesn't get deleted or neglected.

Tamaya's attachment is coming along. She seems to be much more secure and less traumatized than Ty was/is. She responds well to "normal" parenting and doesn't fight my parenting... however she certainly does TEST it from time to time, but I feel at this point it is normal testing boundaries as opposed to trauma reacting. She has had a few moments of a "fight", but with a whole lot of consistency and perseverance she did eventually give in!

I have been feeling more like a "trainer/teacher" than a loving mom with her. Setting clear boundaries is very important in attachment, it helps with feeling secure -however I am having a hard time find a good balance between quality time/bonding time and teaching.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her immensely, but I know it's not at the deep level it should be. I am certainly working on my bond to her as well... I guess that would be part of the whole adjusting on my part. I have thought about it long and hard to try and figure out WHY it's not all the way there yet and I have come up with a few theories that I am still trying to get to the bottom of, but I have come up with a plan to get me closer to her ( I will keep you posted as I go with what we are doing in terms of that)...

We are slowly still working on her bond/attachment to Steve. She does go to him, hugs him and knows he is her papa, but for now I am THE ONE that she runs to.. It has been stressful/busy on me and gives me limited time to refresh and unwind which is so important for me to function at my best..lol

We are working on some of her anxious attachment... She is getting better and better every time I leave (which has not been for more than 20 ish minutes, unless Ty is home because she seems more ok with that.. also this has only been with Steve as I don't feel we are ready for an outside babysitter any day soon!)... We are working on some play therapy, and me leaving more often for short periods of time to show her that I do always come back. I do not hide that I am leaving from her and let her know I am going for a few minutes and where I am going... and that I will come back. It seems to help that we have used that with Ty and he says 'Yeah it's true Tamaya, mom always come back"..lol

The great thing about Tamaya is that everything we have to work on I see sooooo as so obvious and because I have been through/still going through so much with Ty I feel much more attuned this time around...

So all in all things are not perfect and rosy- far from... but I do feel like things are coming together. Our experience bringing our 2 children home have been so different and in so many ways. With Ty it was love at first sight. He was a good "superficial charmer", (and still is actually in the presence of others) extremely needy, and developmentally delayed to the point he was more of a "baby" which made the bonding easier for me as he was very dependant...His issues came out a couple years after he came home which made them harder to detect until they were wayyyyy out of control.

I feel like as though we are getting somewhere and that things are coming together slowly but surely.

Some links that I have found interesting...

http://www.a4everfamily.org/
http://www.attach-china.org/
http://www.reactiveattachmentdisordertreatment.com/childattachchecklist.pdf

My beautiful children...

I have been working on writing a post, bare with me! I was gathering thoughts and accidentally erased the post.. ARGHHHH!

In the meantime, here is a picture post :-)

Ty's school picture..lol

Tamaya's new hairdo, I still need to add some bling to it! I did yarn extensions and LOVE the way it turned out.

Getting real - part 1

Here is a list of topics I will talk about in the next couple post.

- Attachment
- Adjustment
- Delayed reaction/honeymoon period
- Trauma - how we are addressing those issues

I will talk about how the above mentioned topics are for our family, as that is the only real experience I have. Of course no 2 children and parents are alike.. and we all do what works for ourselves.

If there is anything you want added to the topic let me know and I will add it ;-)

Bling'ing

I love all the stuff I have in stock and was finding it difficult to make a decision on what to put in her hair since I have SOOOOO much selection ;-) So I took a few packs of co-ordinating barrels, flowers and snaps and went to town. When Ty came home from school he helped me load the easy beader. I thought that it was a great way for him to feel like he was part of hair time, plus it also helps with his fine motor skills :-)

This morning we all slept in, Ty missed the bus and I gave him the option of me driving him to school or he could stay home and have a personal day. He chose to stay home. After lunch Ty and I are going to snuggle up and watch a movie while Tamaya naps ;-)

Halloween post below (yeah 2 post in the past couple days???? I wonder if that means I am back to being a regular poster or if it's just because everything around me is lacking my attention and instead of doing what I should be I am blogging??? :-)