Home safe and sound...

Ty and I made it to my parent house just in time to have supper.... Gotta love mom's home cooking. :-)

On my way here I got a chip in my windshield... talk about poopy! Every vehicle we have owned thus far, we have had to change the windshield because of rocks chips. When the rock first hit I thought we might be able to get away with getting it repaired. It was about the size of a quarter, but then it started spreading :-( Oh well... there goes a few hundred bucks!

Every time we are here it's a mad rush to see everyone and still, we never seem to have enough time to see everyone. Today tentative plans will be to visit my in-laws and Steve's grand-parents. I love being home.

This weekend we will probably go camping. I'm really looking forward to fishing, spider-dogs and marshmallows...swimming in the lake and just enjoying watching Ty do all those fun things. Assuming we don't get news this week I may actually stay a little longer? Or perhaps take a different route home and do some site seeing with Ty. It's nice to be here and have a change in the wait... so far so good... but it's still the beginning of the week..lol.. so I hope I'm not talking to fast!

Trying hard to keep busy...

Yesterday was a nice waiting day... Jeremy wasn't here and around noon I decided I had done more than enough waiting/sitting/hovering... so I grabbed my shower told Ty "lets go" and off we went without a clue of our destination, but it had to be anywhere but here! I let him point out the way and we ended up in the next town over. I had thought about getting something for lunch and going to the beach for a walk/picnic, but Ty was adamant that he wanted to stay inside to eat... so we had a piece of Pizza - a little lunch date!


Next door to PizzaPizza was a barber shop so I CONVINCED Ty that we should go in so he can get a real haircut! He has always resisted THE barber, but with a nice fake pout on his face and the promise of trip to the dollar store with 2 bucks he sucked it up and got it done!

The fake pout... HA HA HA!!!

Then we heading into the next town to check out the new "The BRICK" to check out the bedroom sets. I like one set I found on-line quite a bit, they didn't have the black one in stock, but they had an oak one which was the same, but different color so I was able to see the quality. I would get the bed, dresser and mirror, nightstand and the armoire in black... I think?!

THINKING, THINKING!!!

Then once the browsing was done we hit the dollar store and Zellers... then headed home!

I have decided that next week I will more than likely be going back home for a visit (unless I am in Haiti of course ;-) It's part of the stop waiting plan?!? I don't know how much longer I can play this game... it's GETTING OLD and very tiresome! At some point somethings gotta give! At least Steve has been really supportive of his crazy waiting wife! My gosh he is tooo calm about it all. I wish I had half his "waiting patience"!

When I told Ty of our plans to go see his grand-parents he asked me if Tamaya was coming as well. When I told him it would just be him and I, he said we couldn't go!?! I told him it was ok to go without her, and that once she was home and settled we would certainly make another trip and he was OK with that. The the next morning he came in my room with a PILE of clothes... when I asked what in the world he was doing he said he was getting ready to go to Timmins...LOL I then explained we still had X number of sleeps before. ;-) It was tooo cute! Ever since my mentioning going he has been inquiring about the "how many more sleeps" MANY, MANY times a day!!! I think it will certainly do us some good to bust out of this joint!

Calm...

I'm not sure why or how I came to feel this way, but today I feel calm... I feel peace in my heart.

Maybe it's the fact that what comes up must go down, but I can't remember the last time I felt like this. It feels really nice.
No excitement or anticipation. No anger or fear... just a sense of peace and calm. A sense that everything will be OK, and realisation that nothing can take my spirit away.

Maybe it's a temporary feeling... but I'm liking it. Even if it's for an hour I'll take it. Maybe I'm just done stressing? Or maybe it's because it's Tuesday and I have my patience hat back on till the next breakdown...

The week passed without advancement... AGAIN?!?!?

Just a little FYI... this is totally a VENT post. A little glimpse as to why I've been on the edge of my seat and antsy... I'm trying REALLY HARD to relax. But I guess it's much harder than I anticipated!

Here are some of the reasons I'm less than patient for her to COME HOME!!!

- Our daughter is going to turn 2 years old in 3 weeks. On Tuesday it will mark 16 weeks in the ministry of interior... on July 8th it will mark 2 years since we have started her adoption... 8 months post IBESR :-( and about 5 months that she is LEGALLY OURS!!!!!

On her first birthday I was so hurt that I would not be with her on her birthday, but I also knew that she would not be home. I had thought about going to Haiti to spend her birthday with her, but opted to stay here with the thought that it would be her only birthday away from home. It hurts to know we are so close, yet so far from the possibility of having her here before she turns 2.

Then there's the fact that I checked the Canadian flights coming back from Haiti (which are only once a week) and they are at MAX price... or not available at all for the next few weeks, making my one day in and out nearly impossible. Which means that I will have to stay in Haiti at least a few days to get her a travel visa to go through the US on our way home.

Not only does it SUCK royally that she may not be home before her birthday, but it would also mean that I would have to pay for her plane ticket home instead of sitting on my lap for "free". (which of course I only budgeted for 1 ticket and not 2)

-Which brings then me to the money situation.

Because of the delays of this adoption and REALLY THINKING (as well as everyone else) she would be home close to Christmas time or shortly thereafter, I had decided to close my daycare spend some one on one with Ty, work at healing him and stay home with both kids for 6-9 months on our little nest egg. WELL... the money is only going to last for so long... I figure until the end of the summer and the longer it takes for her to get here, the less time I will have with her while I am able to be off.

- Then you have the added "fairness" issue I have. There have been a few families that HAVE their kids home, or, are just about to go get them and their file was submitted after mine!!! (It must be the Libra in me..lol) So when I see or hear that it makes my blood boil because I want soooo bad for it to be US... I do want to add no one should be "stuck" either, all these kids should have been home month ago... but c'mon what about signing in ORDER PEOPLE!!!

-at this point, out of 200-300 files STUCK our has been in the longest and of course, fear is setting in and I'm starting to really wonder if there is a problem?!? Which of course could cause months and months of delays. (I'm trying not to go there!. re: my bad dream post)

-Then you have the fact that I can't plan ANYTHING because she has been on the side of coming home for so long. Even our summer vacation time is up in the air!!! If she is just getting home we are not going back home because we want her to be "adjusted" before we travel, but if she is not here by then I don't want to sit here and wait just in case.

-Then there is the fact that my dear son has no understanding of what in the world is going on and is confused about his little sister. He has asked me so many times "WHEN" and I keep saying soon... He is starting to think we are full of it!

Every time I go past her room it kills me inside... it really does... because dang it, she should of been home months ago... and I feel like this is OUR TIME with her. Our time being robbed from us at the mercy of some jerks at Haitian immigration trying to use their power.

I feel powerless, I feel like this will never end. I feel as though there is nothing I can do, but wait... and lord knows I don't have a clue on how to do that gracefully!!!

So you see, my friends and family please have patience and compassion while I am trying to have a good day... if I'm a little snappy or am less than myself right now please have patience with me. I promise it's nothing personal except frustration about this wait... and someday I will be back to my pre-waiting self and will be "normal" again! (I HOPE!!!;-)

THANK YOU ALL for your support, you will never know how much your kind words, letting me vent, complain, cry, scream, has helped. I know you are all rooting for us and someday... she will be home and we can all celebrate the miracle that it will be!

Love ya's
Sue

Feeling antsy and frustrated...

WOW... Here we are, another week has gone by with NO news on advancement for us. It's really hard to hold on to hope when every time I turn around another week passes by to add to my "total weeks IN" (which by the way is 15 weeks and 4 days) At this point I believe we have been in the longest within all the files stuck in the Ministry of Interior.

At least if I was serving a jail sentence I would know when it was going to be over!!!!

If by some miracle we can get out within the next couple days we have a chance she may be home for her 2nd birthday (July 8th). I don't know how in the world I'm just supposed to do this. It's really starting to be a little too much and HURTS deep down you know. I haven't been able to plan anything in my life for the past 6+ months and when I do it's with caution, but whenever the "event" comes and she is not home it's like a knife cutting through my heart because I can't believe she wasn't home before the "event".

We have come together (all 200+ families stuck) and have begged for help within the Haitian government as well as our government with little help. When there has been someone willing to listen and do something, they have hit a wall or have been given false promises. Nobody seems to want to help or be able to help. I have seen files submitted after mine come out and they are either very close to travel or actually have their children home. OUCH!!!! Especially when I read their time-lines and mine is MUCH worst. I've been so close for so long and I JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER, DONE, FINI!!!! I WANT MY BABY HOME AND I JUST WANT MY DAMN LIFE BACK!

Is that too much to ask? %^#*&%$!!!!!!

Where have I been...

I've been sick with a NASTY cold bug, not only affecting my nose, but my chest as well... it was a double whammy for sure. Ty was insisting I rest and make myself soup. He even was really patient while mommy was recouping and resting, but I did make it up to him yesterday afternoon with a balloon flight and he was able to play in the sprinkler for a while. Today I am still blah, but not as bad. I actually felt like today was a normal day, with the occasional "oh yeah, no wonder I feel like crap... I'm sick!"

Still waiting/hoping... the batch of file submitted by our orphanage on the same day as mine have all been released.. (well except mine) so it must be REALLY close. The nice thing is that the passports are being printed quickly and travel to bring her home should be within a week or so after I get OUT.

Anyways I'm babbling and tired. I should get to bed and get some ZZZ's. I have some early breakfast plans with my girl friend and Ty!

Friday already?!?!...

Same ol' same ol' here, NOTHING new to report.

It's been nice to have Jeremy for the week, but I'm also happy it's Friday and I'll have next week off ;-) This waking up at 6am does nothing for me. I'm usually up between 6:30 and 7:00, but that extra little sleep and not being awoken abruptly makes a HUGE difference.

Still no baby news. I can't believe that another week may pass me by with no news. Today is exactly a month away from Tamaya's 2nd b-day. I would have never imagine she would not have been home by now. I wish I could just enjoy this time as a parent of one without the adoption constantly being on my mind. I remember so clearly when we were at the end of Ty's adoption and how I was just trying to enjoy the "quiet" of being just a family of 2, enjoy my freedom, but NO... he was constantly at the back of my thoughts. And here we are... and I'm doing the same with her adoption. Instead of just enjoying being a family of 3... no sib rivalry, no toddler dependence,(not that dependence is a bad thing, just that Ty is at such an independent stage, able to dress himself, be out of my line of site for a few minutes etc)... all I can think about (or rather I should say obsess about) is my baby and craving her so bad. Oh well eh!

Anyways today is a late day for me (Jeremy is only coming at 8:30), so I should get in the shower and give my house a quick once over before he comes. It's been raining all week except for one day when it was super cold, the kids almost needed their snowsuits while we were playing at the park.

Fun times...

This week and every-other week for 6 weeks I will have one of my old daycare boys! Today was the first day with him and it was REALLY nice to have my pre-waiting routine back. The boys had really missed each other these past few months. Jeezzz never mind the boys... I really had missed him too.

Now if we can only have a nice sunny day we can go OUT and enjoy some parks, and water fun.

Here are a couple pictures of Ty from our day.

Ty's turn at Pop up pirate, Jeremy loved it too, it was so funny to see his reaction to the first POP...

awhhhhh!!! so tired, pretending to sleep (and snore) waiting his turn...

we made cookies (and of course ate some cookies)...

My family members ROCK!!!

My grandma let the cat out the bag... It was supposed to be a surprise BUT....she was so excited it just came out. ;-)

My family members are getting together next weekend and throwing a fundraising-garage sale to help bring Tamaya home. The proceeds will help us with our flight and expenses in Haiti.

I have to say I have been so fortunate with the support we have had in both of our adoptions. Our family and friends have been there for us in so many ways. THANK YOU!!!

If any of my friends (in particular the ones back home..lol) would like to donate items to sell or if you would like to attend the yard sale let me know and I will get you in touch with my Auntie Sunshine and she could provide the details.

Making the bird house...

My clown?...

Ty came upstairs all dressed... :-) His doll hat and button job were funny enough, but then he went and added the mask. Steve and I were in stitches... Funny guy!