I have been having some bad adoption waiting days... It seems to be the ongoing pattern of this never ending mess of an adoption. I am really trying to calm myself... tell myself that it's what I signed up for. But it doesn't make it any easier to deal with all the stupid circumstances that I cannot change or do anything about.
I get so darn agitated thinking about what this whole adoption process has been. It's been a series of longer that average wait times, with new rules/changes every single area we have been in. It's getting old, it's getting tiresome. I don't have energy to deal with all the emotions of this ongoing roller coaster.
I am sick and tired of it and if our daughter didn't mean the world to me I would quit. I would tell them all that I am done, that they can rip up our dossier throw it in the nearest dumpster so I could just move on with my life without this being the most annoying, disappointing, ridiculous & time consuming, blood pressure rising pile of dog doo that I have ever had to endure. I am sooo sick of it.. Sick of it all!!!
This stress is affecting everything around me. I noticed Ty getting back into old habits. I feel obsessed with "adoption news" again... and just as I was doing soooo good, I found out about the latest development... I just wish it would just all be over and that she would just get home already. ENOUGH!!!
It's been since before Christmas that I thought she would be home. I planned my life around her arrival being "a couple weeks away", I have nested so many times I can even count, I have EVERYTHING ready. I am ready, my family is ready... what more... what more do I have to do for it to flippen happen.
I thought for just once during this process that something would finally go right, that our file in MOI would be normal wait time. That it would just be a matter of time and she would be here... now I have no clue when, I have no idea when she will come home and it's so frustrating to sit here and wait some more. I think of the time I have lost with her and it hurts.
We requested a baby girl as young as possible. I found out about her when she was 2 months old... SHE IS ALMOST 2 years old!!!! All because of bureaucracy and people in Haitian government positions that make rules up as they go along.
When we adopted Ty there was the political unrest when Aristide was ousted. His adoption from proposal at 6 months old to when he came home at 11 months old - was 5.5 months!!!!!!!! AND that was with a delay of a couple months because of the unrest.
The worst thing about all this waiting is I feel guilty when I get frustrated or feel less than "perfect" in waiting. I swear I think everyone in our neighbourhood must think I am full of it about Tamaya... jezzzz even Ty thinks she is imaginary. I feel like a liar when people ask me if she is home... because months and months and months ago I told them it would be soon...Boy will everyone be surprised (including myself) when she actually is part of our family!!!
I am hoping this blog vent will give me a couple days of calmer waiting and that I can get back into a "normal" frame of mind regarding this whole mess. I just want my sanity and life back, I want my happy self to come back and play and just move on.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
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7 comments:
Sue, I feel for you. Vent, vent, whatever you need to do, you do. Icannot even fathom the wait that you have had. Your life being held hostage in a sense, and every day at the mercy of something random, unhelpful, and completely uncontrollable. I know she will come home, and I know it will also be quite a while to 'heal' from this process, even when she is home - I'll help in whatever way would be helpful. Lots of hugs, Nadia
Sue, vent away. Once she is home, this horrible waiting time will be just an awful distant memory.
Hugs,
Chris
Nadia, Thank you so much for your compassion! You are such a great friend and I really appreciate your support!
Chris, You have been so great throughout this WHOLE journey. I am so thankful to have a great person like you still in my life after so many, many years!!!
Wow Sue I did not realize you have been waiting for your little girl since she was 2 months old! I totally understand about all of the time, I just keep thinking that by the time Wadner and Mia come home, they will be almost 6 and 3. I can't help thinking about all the time I have missed with them. I am so sorry that you have had to go this long without your little girl. Nadia is right, vent all you need, I think that venting is better than keeping it all inside and feeling like you are going through it alone. We are all here for you and praying like crazy for your girl to come home!
Love,
Holly
I didn't realize either how long you have been waiting. So sorry to hear it's not going well. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Holly, yes it has been lonnnnggggg, but I also wanted to let you know it is not the norm, We have just been caught up in a whole lot of changes/delays every step of the way. Even before proposal, I really thought we would loose her and that she would be proposed to someone else because of our Canadian delays. Maybe someday I should write a book about all the things that did go wrong..lol
Abbagirl; Thank you for your thoughtful and kind words!
Sue.
I hear ya girl. It seems we have hit every possible delay there is/was. If I wasn't keeping myself sooooooo busy I would be fretting also. I went to Norfolk yesterday and got the paint for the bathroom. I don't have all the wall-paper scraped off yet, but intend on working on that after a nap.
I went and saw a dress that might work for me for the wedding, and at a price I like and it fits me good and makes me look thinner than I am. So, I am going to have Derek's fiance look at it and see what she thinks.
I went into Jazzercise the morning at 8:30 and had a bunch of errands to run and dropped some eggs off at a couple of peoples places and came home then it was time to make dinner, now they went outside so It's time to clean everything up. Last night I didn't get to bed until 11:45 and called Dillan at 12:00 wondering where he was-he said at the drive-in-theater I didn't even know they were open. A town about 15 miles away has one of the last remaining drive-in theaters and it is always a place to go on the weekend. He didn't make it home until 2:00, I didn't sleep good all night and woke up with an excruciating headache.
This warmer weather sure makes a difference in my mood. I love your floor plan for your "new" house.
One of these days we will get the call that are sweeties are ready to be picked up, yeppie.
Love,
Lisa
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