Merry Christmas...

We are back home for a few days, but I wanted to wish you -my readers a very merry Christmas.

Wow, I can barely believe that this year my Christmas will be spent with my whole family ;-) My Steve is home and so is my tou-tou (Tamaya)! Now thats the way it should be!

My son, my son, my son....

Yesterday was Ty's Christmas concert at school... I knew I was in for a treat ;-) Out of all the 20+ shows, out of all the classes that performed my son is the ONLY one that didn't "conform", he decided to take over his class show. We all had a good laugh (mine a nervous one)!!!

Ty is the 7th one counting from left to right - bent over

Ty is now the one in front - grooving!!!

Everyone always tells me not to worry, he's just a kid, he's grow out of it etc... It worries me, I see how OUT THERE he is and I wonder, I really wonder. Right now, yes he can get away with it because he is young and cute.

Part of me wants to beleive he will "grow out of it" another part knows that he is unique and may need "extra help"... I know he is a difficult to parent little guy - I'm his mom and soooo know, but I also know how wonderful he is, how loving he is, how he does everything he does with good intentions... I also have learned how to parent him effectively, and know that if he is pushed into a corner he will fight. Right now he has a great teacher, she is young, she is willing to work with Ty and has been encouraging his good behavior... He adores her and I know she has a soft spot for Ty - what happens when he gets a teacher that is set in her ways and believes discipline is the only way, you know the type that is only into consequence's and strict with the kids... I don't think he could handle that type of "controller". Anyways I guess I'm just over-thinking... but I often worry about my little fellaw and what his future holds.

Wow, I am impressed...

I've got to admit I am VERY happy with the way Ty's school dealt with the bullying. They have a ZERO tolerance policy and it was very obvious they took my concerns very seriously and dealt with it appropriately.

I picked Ty up from school yesterday because we had an appointment. His teacher & the teachers aid stopped me to explain what happened on the school side. She said that Ty was called to the office and that the kids were made to apologize to Ty. The teachers aid said she went with Ty and as soon as Ty saw the kids in question he had a noticeable reaction and hid behind her. My heart broke to hear that - poor little guy!


I thanked the bus driver this morning for talking with the principal. I also called the principal and thanked him for taking the time to deal with it appropriately and that I was very impressed. He mentioned that he "sang" the words of the song they were singing about Ty to the parents when he called them and NOT A ONE was happy with their child and their behavior. One of the parents lives on my street, and through the grapevine I heard that her daughter (the manipulative one) is in BIG trouble. The mom even requested that her daughter sit in the front seat of the bus for the remainder of the year because of her behavior. I also heard that all the children were crying and admitted their fault when they were confronted by the principal. So I am happy to see some resolve and that the parents also didn't take it lightly!!!


On a side note; Ty's teachers mentioned that the past couple days he has been awesome and that they have seen a noticeable change/lack of "touching" his friends and overall he has been very good. I let Ty know how VERY proud I was of his great days and to keep up the good work.


His teacher also commented that her and the other teachers are LOVING his hat ;-)

I am so proud of my little guy - after the initial issues with the hat I gave him the option of wearing another one or his fur hat, he chose the fur hat. I love the fact that his love for his hat (that his grand-papa Dan gave him) was more important than someone else's opinion!!! Now that my friends is my confident little Ty!

The hat - honesty isn't it adorable on him!!!
(this pic was taken last year, the hat fits him like a glove this year)

Bus issues...

Little update on the bus issues...

Last night my girlfriend and I made a "plan" where Ty would sit with her daughter on the bus. Her daughter is 14 and on the high school side of his school. She sits at the back of the bus with the other high school kids. She is a VERY responsible, good kid! All the high school kids just adore Ty, and have always gone out of there way to be super nice to him, they even complimented Ty on his cool fur hat!!! (Ty had been sitting in the first few seats while this was happening)

I talked to the bus driver this morning while putting Ty on the bus and mentioned that I had some concerns about some happenings on the bus that I had just been made aware of, and if he would permit Ty to sit with the older girl until things were resolved I would greatly appreciate it. I also made him aware that I would also be calling the principal of the school this morning so he could address some of these concerns I was having regarding how Ty has been getting treated. Jack (the bus driver, agreed and drove off)

I called and left a message for the principal to call me and he called me about an hour later. I told him I had some very serious concerns and told him the whole story. He listened and said " Thank you Mrs "Sue", the bus driver came to see me this morning with a list of names of the children misbehaving/bullying Ty. I will be contacting these children's parents and you can be assured this is going to be taken care of" He also said the bus driver suggested Ty sit with "the older" girl..lol (hmmm I wonder where he got that idea..lol) I am so grateful that the bus driver decided to step up and address the bus issues as well. I really feel as though he backed up my story and did the right thing. I will make sure I thank him when I see him next, and I will insure that he gets a little Christmas something from us, to let him know we do appreciate him. He is always so cheery and a "good-morning, have a nice weekend" kind of guy. Ty has always adored him and looks up to him so it's nice to see him defend my son!!!

days gone by...

Sorry about my long-ish absence. Things have been BUSY around here! Let me explain...

Last week Ty had his first report card!!! He is doing about as good as I expected. He is very curious and full of questions. She commented on how intelligent he was when it came to logic and putting things together. He is having a hard time with confidence for cutting and printing.
He is having problems with always touching others (like feeling his friends hair etc...) She thinks it's a sensory issue... I have heard of this being related to international adoption, I'm going to have to look into it further. She also mentioned she is going to get someone on board with more experience and she will have a special chart to try and curb the "touching". She also mentioned he needed to try and control his impulses. He also hasn't been able to sit during circle time etc. I asked her if he was the worst in class, she did say there was about 3 that had things to work on as well. So as bad as it sounds, I'm glad he will not be singled out while they are trying to curb the whole behavior thing.

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On the Friday he had a PA day and we enjoyed a couple movies !!! It was nice to have him home. I look forward to spending time with him now that he is away all day, 5 days a week. It so different without him here.

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On Saturday AM we went to Steve's work kids Christmas party. Ty loved bouncing in the inflatable play structure, petting the animals and was VERY happy to see Santa. He asked the big guy for a army helicopter... do you know how hard it is to find one of those... well I did finally find one, it wasn't even on his original list. Tamaya had fun, but when it came time to sit on Santa she was unsure about him and resisted the sit. She did however sit next to him, on me for a family picture. I even convinced Steve to get in with us all!!!

That evening Steve and I had our first night out together since Tamaya's been home. Steve's work had the dinner and dance for the adults. It was a good time. It was really nice to be out with friends and have a couple drinks. I had a few Caesars and had a slight glow on, which is very RARE for me. I think the last time I had a couple was a couple years ago. We went to bed around 3 ;-) That was not so nice the next day when I was exhausted though!!!

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Sunday I actually went out and finished my Christmas shopping (or so I thought). I kind of blew my budget. I always tell myself the same thing year after year. The kids don't need anything... get them a few things, keep it inexpensive.. yeah right!!! So when I came home and was actually thinking of what I bought I noticed Tamaya's amount of gifts was much more than Ty's pile. Although the 2 piles were the same price... so I decided to make one gift for the 2 of them and added today added a few more for Ty...

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Besides all that mumbo... Ty has been getting bullied on the bus by some older kids. He neglected to tell me this information, but I knew something has been bothering him because he has been resisting going on the bus, there was one day he cried and held on to me - it broke my heart. I finally got the whole story (thank goodness for friends with kids on the same bus) It all came about because one of the kids called him an animal killer, and he did tell me about that yesterday. The reason for this comment. Ty has a faux fur hat that he insisted he get to wear to school. So of course, he didn't know or understand why anyone would say this to him, but it hurt his feeling because he loves animals. He told me who it was and this evening, at the bus stop I talked with her mom about it. As soon as she confronted her daughter about it, her very manipulative daughter said to her mom that Ty hits all the kids on the bus, avoiding the whole original comment. (Ty denied hitting and it was confirmed that he doesn't hit anyone by a couple other kids on the bus)

I talked with Ty about this supposed hitting and he admitted he hit an older girl on the bus. He was hit repeatedly in the head by a kid the same age as him, an older girl than hit Ty's hand and he hit her back... Soooo to get to the bottom of the story I called my girlfriend and her daughter said everything that has been going on these past few weeks. Apparently the older kids (grade 3ish) have been singing a song (to a barney tune) about shooting Ty in the head and he is dead. They have been calling him mean, stinky, animal killer, he has been getting hit in the head by this kid his own age and I know there was more, but I can't think of them right now... so anyways... I am going to be making a call to the school tomorrow. I talked with Ty and he admitted to not telling us because he said they said they would shoot his dad if he said anything to him... could you IMAGINE!!! So I told him that from now on he needed to tell me when people where mean to him so we could work on a way to resolve it... he kissed me goodnight and said Thanks mom!

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My dear hubby got his MRI results for his back... unfortunately there is nothing they can do about it. He has degenerative disks and it's been from the years of wear and tear. At this point the surgeon is against surgery as he is too young, he is HIGHLY telling/advising Steve to get out of his current trade. At this point we are unsure of what the future holds career wise for him, we are hoping for an accommodation for the remainder of his contract, but he may get medically released... time will tell!

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I finally have a good dent in my "to do" list. I finally applied for Tamaya's baby bonus, applied and have been approved for our loan to pay off the high credit card "Haiti debt", called for a couplep Canadian citizen application kit to finally apply for the 2 kids!!! (yeah, never have done it for Ty yet) sold my American airline voucher for 1/2 price, sold my ski-doo... and now I can concentrate on re-opening my daycare with no loose ends so to speak :-)

Snow day - Part 2...

What did we do on our snow day? I dressed up the kids and took pictures ;-) I had to make sure Ty's suit still fit, and once he was all dressed up I figured I should take a couple snapshots so I got Tamaya dressed up as well. Tamaya has a extravagant dress that Steve's grandparents gave to her as a gift when she got home.

I have intentions to bring them to get some professional pictures taken, but I highly doubt I will get them in time for Christmas. So I may as well wait until the new year!

I'm not completely satisfied with my pictures and may try again another day - Ty was being SILLY, but here are a couple of the nice ones for your viewing pleasure..lol





Then this afternoon we headed outside to shovel the driveway. I don't even think we had that much snow all of last year!

Welcome to Canada Tamaya!!!

Snow day...

I managed to get my Christmas decorations up yesterday. We decided against putting up the tree this year. We are going to be away for the holidays and have a special tree day planned for the kids at my parent house. We are going to "cut" the tree in the back yard (my parents are going to get a pre-cut tree and we are going to pretend to cut it for the kids..lol) Depending on the weather we may get some sliding in. We are going to put the Christmas carols on, make some hot cocoa and decorate the tree with my parents, my sister, Steve, the kids and I. I'm looking forward to it!

This morning I awoke to loads of snow. Steve had to shovel his way out of the driveway! As soon as I saw it I should of gone back to bed, I just knew it had to be a snow day for Ty. The kids slept in until almost 8 :-)

Domesticated?!?...

Now I remember why I am NOT a from scratch baker...


My plan - Banana bread & banana nut muffins.


Instead of the premixed version like my usual baking strategy I called my mom and got my late grandma's recipe.

I took all the ingredients out to make it faster and easier on all of us. We mixed the wet, than the dry. Then mixed them together. The very last thing to do was mix the 2 cups of banana's (which I should of measure prior to, because I was about a 1/2 cup short) and 2 tsp of vanilla. As I was putting in the 2nd teaspoon of "vanilla" I noticed it didn't smell quite like the yummy aroma I was expecting?!? I looked at the bottle and realised I had just added red wine vinegar and NOT vanilla.... so, I did all I could do to scrape it out where it landed and hoped for the best..lol


I am happy to report my vanilla-less, vinegar banana bread/muffins do taste like the real deal!

Attachment & bonding...

As far as my bonding with Tamaya goes, since I have been "aware" I have noticed some extra awwww moments. I have moments of looking at her and getting THE feeling. I have been taking extra time to spend some one on one fun, quality time with her - doing her nails, playing dolls. I have also been spending more time with her before bedtime just snuggling, singing to her and rubbing her back. It's just really been nice to enjoy her!

She love helping out and I have been making a conscious effort to include her in everything I do.

When she wakes up from her nap I plan on baking with her. (if she isn't up soon it may wait until I get Ty from the bus) - Pics to follow!

Just for you Dad!!!

Click Here

My projects...

I've been getting into my digital scrapbooking! Here is a preview of a couple projects I have completed. Unfortunately I can't share the whole album because they are going to be given as Christmas presents to a few family members, but here is the preview...

Part of the "first snow" album...

(click the pic to enlarge)

Part of my brother and sister album...

(click to enlarge)

Good week...

We had a really good week... I actually took time for me during Tamaya's nap and felt refreshed. I put some nice soothing music, wrapped myself up in bed and just had some quiet time myself... and a couple times my relaxing brought me to a nice little snooze level :-). I love getting all snuggled up in my nice comfy blankets and just do absolutely nothing, it gives me such peace and tranquility.

I feel that now that I am aware I have been much more patient and have been taking some time to have special moments with Tamaya. I actually feel like I looked at her differently this week... I had many more awwww moments and I just really enjoyed her company. (more on that in another post)

I have to keep reminding myself that it is still very new... she has only been home a little over 2 months (plus our time together in Haiti), it does feel like she has been home soooo long, like she has always been part of our day to day, how quickly we forget!

Hubby and I have also spent some time talking, it's really nice to express my feelings and talk about how we can make things better!!! A lot of times we just kind of go on with life and neglect each other - not intentionally mind you, we just kind of forget to make time for each other... I feel like we are close again and its really nice.

Ty has had a few good notes from his teacher!!! He seems to be doing really good at school. He had one day where he got a not so nice "we had a hard day today" note, but the next day he was very remorseful and let his teacher know he was very sorry and that he was now ready to be a team!!! :-) After the note, I asked his teacher to call me, she said that besides that incident (I later realised Ty was up in the night!), Ty was a great little student and because of his curiosity and question asking he has helped other student feel as though they can also participate! She also said she finds him very funny :-) He has had a few hard moments at school that really hurt him. The first was a kid in his class called him poop, later I found out he called him poopy head- of course neither of those words are unacceptable, but could also have complete different meanings. I let the teacher know I was concerned and that if she could have a nice conversation about diversity I would greatly appreciate it. She said "of course" and seemed to be right on board with me. After the name calling we talked about how to handle such a situation. We talked about how we can let the name caller know we are NOT a "poopy head" and then let a teacher know right away so that she can deal with it.
So on Friday... he talked about an incident of being called stupid and he did handle the situation very well, but was very hurt.
I love the fact that he expressed his feeling about it and we were able to let him know he did a good job handling the situation.
I miss the little guy when he's gone to school, well wait... I don't miss him in the longing for him kind of way, but I certainly look forward to having him home!

Here are a few pics...

Helping mommy unload the dishwasher

Ty actually requested I take pictures of him and his sister, she's got the whole fake "cheese" going on, do you know how hard it is to take good pictures of 2 kids together.. nearly impossible!

Her bling and shirt match..lol

Cute, cute, cute!!

Being aware...

Admitting what is going on and reflecting has certainly brought some issues forthright and now it's time to deal and make changes.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me... You know, one of those days were your heart is on your sleeve (maybe even brought on by hormones?!?) and you realise all of the problems around you that need to be addressed instead of being swept under the rug. Yeah.. I have been doing some sweeping and now it's time to work through some of my shit and make time for me! I have been through so much emotionally in the past year or so and now it's time to address those things so that I can be a better me, wife and mother.

I am looking forward to the change!

WOW... took the words right out of my mouth...

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=536

OH MY GOSH... this is exactly how I'm feeling, and it so makes sense - I soooo don't want to go there like I've had to with Ty, plus the adoption stress while waiting. I knew I was ok and surely wasn't alone but at least now I feel more normal!!

Thank you so much Sarah for this link!!!

Attachment and adjustment stuff...

I have really been struggling with this post. I guess when I really start thinking of what to write about such an intense, personal experience my mind start over thinking and all of a sudden I was also having to deal with issues surrounding my feelings, and how attachment issues and adjustment affects our family. Anyways I am ready to re-start this post for the umpteenth time and hope this one doesn't get deleted or neglected.

Tamaya's attachment is coming along. She seems to be much more secure and less traumatized than Ty was/is. She responds well to "normal" parenting and doesn't fight my parenting... however she certainly does TEST it from time to time, but I feel at this point it is normal testing boundaries as opposed to trauma reacting. She has had a few moments of a "fight", but with a whole lot of consistency and perseverance she did eventually give in!

I have been feeling more like a "trainer/teacher" than a loving mom with her. Setting clear boundaries is very important in attachment, it helps with feeling secure -however I am having a hard time find a good balance between quality time/bonding time and teaching.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE her immensely, but I know it's not at the deep level it should be. I am certainly working on my bond to her as well... I guess that would be part of the whole adjusting on my part. I have thought about it long and hard to try and figure out WHY it's not all the way there yet and I have come up with a few theories that I am still trying to get to the bottom of, but I have come up with a plan to get me closer to her ( I will keep you posted as I go with what we are doing in terms of that)...

We are slowly still working on her bond/attachment to Steve. She does go to him, hugs him and knows he is her papa, but for now I am THE ONE that she runs to.. It has been stressful/busy on me and gives me limited time to refresh and unwind which is so important for me to function at my best..lol

We are working on some of her anxious attachment... She is getting better and better every time I leave (which has not been for more than 20 ish minutes, unless Ty is home because she seems more ok with that.. also this has only been with Steve as I don't feel we are ready for an outside babysitter any day soon!)... We are working on some play therapy, and me leaving more often for short periods of time to show her that I do always come back. I do not hide that I am leaving from her and let her know I am going for a few minutes and where I am going... and that I will come back. It seems to help that we have used that with Ty and he says 'Yeah it's true Tamaya, mom always come back"..lol

The great thing about Tamaya is that everything we have to work on I see sooooo as so obvious and because I have been through/still going through so much with Ty I feel much more attuned this time around...

So all in all things are not perfect and rosy- far from... but I do feel like things are coming together. Our experience bringing our 2 children home have been so different and in so many ways. With Ty it was love at first sight. He was a good "superficial charmer", (and still is actually in the presence of others) extremely needy, and developmentally delayed to the point he was more of a "baby" which made the bonding easier for me as he was very dependant...His issues came out a couple years after he came home which made them harder to detect until they were wayyyyy out of control.

I feel like as though we are getting somewhere and that things are coming together slowly but surely.

Some links that I have found interesting...

http://www.a4everfamily.org/
http://www.attach-china.org/
http://www.reactiveattachmentdisordertreatment.com/childattachchecklist.pdf

My beautiful children...

I have been working on writing a post, bare with me! I was gathering thoughts and accidentally erased the post.. ARGHHHH!

In the meantime, here is a picture post :-)

Ty's school picture..lol

Tamaya's new hairdo, I still need to add some bling to it! I did yarn extensions and LOVE the way it turned out.

Getting real - part 1

Here is a list of topics I will talk about in the next couple post.

- Attachment
- Adjustment
- Delayed reaction/honeymoon period
- Trauma - how we are addressing those issues

I will talk about how the above mentioned topics are for our family, as that is the only real experience I have. Of course no 2 children and parents are alike.. and we all do what works for ourselves.

If there is anything you want added to the topic let me know and I will add it ;-)

Bling'ing

I love all the stuff I have in stock and was finding it difficult to make a decision on what to put in her hair since I have SOOOOO much selection ;-) So I took a few packs of co-ordinating barrels, flowers and snaps and went to town. When Ty came home from school he helped me load the easy beader. I thought that it was a great way for him to feel like he was part of hair time, plus it also helps with his fine motor skills :-)

This morning we all slept in, Ty missed the bus and I gave him the option of me driving him to school or he could stay home and have a personal day. He chose to stay home. After lunch Ty and I are going to snuggle up and watch a movie while Tamaya naps ;-)

Halloween post below (yeah 2 post in the past couple days???? I wonder if that means I am back to being a regular poster or if it's just because everything around me is lacking my attention and instead of doing what I should be I am blogging??? :-)

trick or treat...

Soooooo the kids had fun..lol Mom on the other hand had one of those nights. It would have been a perfect 2 parent night. I personally found it very overwhelming.
I can totally understand Ty wanting to run from house to house (plus the whole excitement of Halloween), but Tamaya needs hand holding and he wanted to get ahead of us which really didn't work. So it was a nice short night they were out for an hour or so which was more than enough for them to hook me up with some loot ;-) I sure needed a little fix after coming home...lol

Keeping it real...

So as you all know we have been dealing with some adjustment/attachment related stuff going on around here, I am willing to share what has been going on here...

I hope to be able to have a chance to sit down a write a very REAL view of what we have been experiencing (hopefully in the next couple days)... Of course I am in no way a professional, nor am I even close to being an experienced adjustment/attachment specialist, I just hope that by sharing what we have experienced it may also help someone else either feel very normal, or help see the signs. I will also write the attachment stuff about Ty and one with Tamaya because both of the 2 are soooo unique and different!

So here is hoping I get to it within the next couple days!

Is this the one???...

Soooooo, we went to see this house yesterday. It's a 1990 build that is in need of some TLC - it needs a new roof, the windows may last a couple years?, a new front deck (the current one is rotten), new flooring and carpeting throughout, the hardwood floors need refinishing, it needs to have a complete paint/putty job and the kitchen would eventually be replaced or painted or something. (I HATE IT!!!), plus because it a country road, it's also well and septic that is unknown territory for us!

Now the positives....It is on a country road nestled on 6.5 acres, it has the interior and exterior space we want, plus the added bonus of a small sun room, a 2nd floor loft/family room with skylights, a garage and large shed. It has character and I can totally see ourselves in it once our Reno's are done.

It's a scary venture! I think our realtor thought "Oh, Sue will so not like this", but there is something about this one... I haven't felt like this about a house yet. The house it priced over our "budget", but we are HOPING we can get a MAJOR price drop because of all the work that needs to be done... plus the house is sitting empty and we assume that slight desperation to sell may be to our advantage. Sooooo lots to think about!

Feel free to give me your opinion to help us make the decision..lol

The house...

The side yard...

some of the back yard...

The view from an upstairs bedroom, including the drive way/front yard.

The window trim, (character)...

the living room w/wood burning fireplace...

The spacious kitchen I don't care for... (it looks better in the picture)

The dining room, cute shutters ;-) ...

The loft w/ skylights (it sits over the garage)...

the view from the loft... the 3 bedrooms