I have decided I will have Tamaya escorted home. I have been weighing the pros and cons. Ideally we would travel as a family, spend a week and then bring her home... or have Marijke the lady that took her into her home escort. "Ideally" needs to be tweaked a tad for our situation..lol
Steve has no desire to head to a 3rd world country for a family vacation... and honestly I can't blame him and totally understand where he is coming from. I don't want to travel alone and I can't justify paying 2 flights just so I can have a travel companion... Marijke is very busy with other projects which I can understand so she is unable to escort her home.
So my friend offered to go to Haiti, volunteer a few days where my daughter is... then escort her home. Sounds pretty good to me!!! She is "homesick" for Haiti and is really looking forward to going and spending a few days basking in the sun..lol... I on the other hand really have no desire to go, but would obviously go if I had to.
I have been thinking of the benefits of this plan and they seem pretty good.
- I would be healthy and well rested when she got home. (no chance of getting the travel bug!)
- As a family we could all participate in her homecoming.
- Ty would feel like a complete part of the process and wouldn't be resenting me for leaving and coming home with his new sibbling.
- Steve and I would have 3 extra days together re-bonding after such a long time away from each other before we become parents of 2.
- I could fully complete Ty's therapy in class sessions. (if I miss 1 session I would have to start the entire course again.. no exceptions)
- I wouldn't be alone when I see her again.. we would all be together anticipating her arrival.
The big con would be of course trauma to Tamaya. Her life will change drastically in one day. She will go from everything she has ever known to everything being different. She will go from my friend to us. I am sure she will morn the loss of her nannies and home... but I really think regardless she is the one that will be going through the most changes and if we are all healthy both physically and mentally we will all be more helpful in her transition.
Jeepers creepers I always feel like I over analyse everything..lol It's really hard to make such BIG decisions.
With Tamaya not being home yet, it's really hard to put her at the same "love" level as Ty. I love Tamaya... but not the same yet. My first instinct as a mom is to protect Ty's hardship and his transitions. I know the minute I have her in my arms and am her forever mom that love will be equal, but until then she is like a picture of my future child. The one I long to hold and love everyday since the beginning of her adoption 20 months ago.
I know these are all very natural feelings... I guess it could be compared to a pregnancy, when you are expecting and anticipating your baby's arrival, you love your unborn child, but once you hold your baby it all comes true.. the bonding begins and your heart is committed for life... but until your child is in your arms your heart is slightly guarded. Until she is home I have boundaries on my love for her, I have to to keep on living, to keep on trying to keep my emotions in check... If I loved her completely there is no way I could of waited this long without loosing my mind! It came close a couple times... but...
So the point I was clearly trying to make with this babble.. I hope I am making this decision clearly and in every ones best interest. In this situation I cannot please/do the right thing for everyone and it sucks..but someone has to do it.. right?
Good night..lol.. I need to sleep!
Monday, February 19, 2007
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4 comments:
while I usually do not believe in escorting children (liek they were a package) in yoru case I think it may be the right decision for all the reasons you stated. YOu need to worry about Ty and getting the course done and ease his transition to the reality of being a big brother needs to be uppermost in your mind. you did visit her in Haiti - you will be able to describe the O and the conditions there. make sure your freinds documents EVERYTHING for you - saying goodbye to annnies and friends, the airport, the airplane, your family's waiting arms. The her transition will be smoother and you will have all teh answers when she comes home. You also have the advantage of french which will ease her transition home.
I understand that "sort of love" that you have for her - I had that too until Douby was home and a reality - then the true love hits deep.
Really only three days after steve gets home? do you ahve a confirmed travel date? Whoo hoo!!
Home againt today with a sick boy - he was very "off" this mornignadn though he did not have much of a temperature I decided to keep him home - wise decision he has been napping since 10:30and now it is heading towards 12 - he would have been a wreck in school.
Patricia
Hi Patricia.. I re-read my post and I can see where it looks like 3 days after Steve is home...
But what I meant was that it will give us an additional 3 days of re-bonding as a family after Steve comes home instead of me being in Haiti and our relationship being on "hold" again while I would be away.
Reconnecting as a family is so important after a deployment and the additional 3 days will be much needed, there are always a few changes/reintegration after such a long time away from each other. Usually Steve and I have an easy post tour adjustment, but this time Ty is part of our family and it may cause some adjustments/difficulties with Ty's life.
I really feel in my heart we are so, so close. I have marked March 6th on my calendar as her homecoming date!!!.. Just needed to put something down on paper to make it real. Nothing is confirmed, we have no new news.
I just *know* that we are very close and I know I will hear something in the week or so on and I am trying to prepare as much as possible in advance!!! :-)
I also know escorting is not always best case scenario, and I thank you for understanding our circumstance. I feel good about this decision, but it did not come easy.
Sue
p.s. It's good that you did stay home with Douby this morning. I hope he feels better after his nap.
nope, he wsn't better after the nap but we had a doctors appt scheduled for today anyway and so she gave me a presciption for antibiotics and a puffer - he seems to get a bit asthmatic when he is sick. So now once aging he is snoozing on the basement floor. I will keep him home tomorrow too but I may have to take him intot work since my assit is away tomorrow and someone has to open the library! It is reding week so it is quiet fortunately. I can make him a nest on my office floor and he can snooze or I'll take his little DVD palyer in and he can watch a movie. And maybe I will lock up the library early tomorrow.
Oh, now I understand the 3 days thing - makes sense! Good thing you wrote that list of 100 things about Steve in your blog - you can just keep going back to remember them when he starts to get on your nerves again....lol
Patricia
I like that you analyze things so thoroughly! Taht you can state that you do not love Tamaya the same way as Ty yet - that is clear self-understanding unlike some of the other parents I have met that believe they love the child totally from just a photo (and you have even spent time with her already) - they are the ones in for the rude awakening when the child is not exactly as loving towards them as they expect from day one. You realize that love has to grow with time. That is why even a tough transition at first will work out ok in the end for you folks!
Enjoy the next few weeks! Later in the spring I may jsut have to take a long weekend and come up your way - I have friends still in Deep and Ottawa that I do need to visit so you are just on the way!
My munchkin has just conked out on the floor at work (don't worry I brought blanket and pillow plus a sleeping mat)- I brought him in since my assistant is away and he is still not 100% but tons better! Now I have an hour to get some work done...
Patricia
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