Hard waiting days...

Miscommunication / lack of communication has been a big part of a lot of stress during our adoption journey. Last night I received an e-mail in regard to where our file is. Not where I thought I was...

On Tuesday our file will be submitted to the ministry of Interior... (I thought we had been in there already for 2 weeks) My first feeling was shock, then laughter because frankly how could I not laugh... then sadness, then trying to find a way to put this news behind me and move on. I had a good cry and now I feel better!

Tamaya’s adoption process has been a constant wave of so many emotions… from pure joy to frustration. Anticipation to more waiting. Every step of the way has been very difficult, but yet so exciting. One day I am at the top of the world knowing she is just a short time away, the next saddened that it is taking so long or dealing with yet another disappointment.

I have had to go through this process with no control. I do not have any power over what has been delayed or the overall process. I cannot make it go faster, nor can I make anything happen. This is VERY hard to do as an independent, strong woman. I make things happen in my life. When I want something, I go after it and make it come true. It is very natural to be the leader in my life. I have always been in control. I feel so powerless in this whole process.

I have time and time again tried to give my power over and move on… Some days I can. Some days I can go through and not even think or obsess over her homecoming. Some days it is the only thing on my mind and I neglect the rest of my life. In know in the end the greatest miracle of another child will be right before me. I will hold her and it will have happened. I will have put my time in. I will look back and it will be a distant memory.

I need to refocus yet again and move on. I need to focus on all things positive and instead of obsessing, I need to just believe… put my time in and let it go. I have done all I can do here to prepare for her. I am ready to be her mommy. I am ready to love her unconditionally and to patiently wait until her homecoming whenever that shall be. I have faith that everything is falling into place. I am handing it over and I will watch this miracle unfold right in front of my eyes and really enjoy it.

I may not have any control over the process, but I certainly have control over my emotions and how I chose to handle them throughout the rest of the wait ~ I chose happiness and peace in my heart!!!