2 days...

Yesterday was a day I would like to forget. My dear son was a hand full and then some. He has been talking about his daddy a lot these days and yesterday morning Steve called and Ty talked to him for a brief moment. It seems as soon as he got off the phone he started acting up. I started getting Ty ready for nursery school and gave him his clothes. He refused to get ready and was very defiant. I put him in his room with his clothes and told him that once he was dressed, with the clothes I gave him he could come out, but he only had a 10 minutes or he would not be allowed to go to school because he would be late. I checked on him often trying to encourage him to get dressed and he flat out refused. I told him that at that point he was NOT going to school but once he was dressed he could come out. I went in his room to do some more coaxing and I closed all his dresser drawers because he was being silly with them. I told him it was dangerous and that it could fall over. Of course I left the room and he opened them all and his dresser fell to the floor and thank goodness didn't hurt him. I ran in only to find him with a dry wall screw in his mouth. (the boy is going to give me a heart attack man) so I went in to talked with him and try to get him to comply/listen and he started screaming, swearing and hollering. I went to spank him while I was upset and stopped myself, because I don't spank! But REALLY wanted to, as I was upset and backing away I hit the back of my head on his darn bunk and lost it. I know I screamed and hollered.. and started running out and as I was halfway up the stairs I collapsed and had a big sob. I know it was from being so overwhelmed and feeling like the worst person in the world. I had lost my cool and I hate that. I *should* be calmer and I should know better, but some days he does get the best of me and the my patience is tested repeatedly. After my good sob I was able to take a few moments to gather myself, I called my girl friend and cried. She knows first hand the struggles I have on a daily basis with Ty and she was a great ear. She knows how difficult some situations are!!! Although she may never truly understand what raising Ty is all about she offered suggestions and a compassionate ear. My mom also made a few comments that just made me "feel" normal and ok. She said unless someone is in your situation they will never truly know what you are going through, and acknowledged that yes he was very difficult. The rest of the day he was still very defiant, but my patience level was able to handle it better. He did time-outs all day and was sooooo disrespectful. I was glad when he fell asleep at 6:00pm. I called my mommy and did a happy dance. I finally knew I was able to relax for the rest of the night!!! It's unbelievable how one little person can teach you so much about yourself and knows how and what to do to push you that much further.