Bad to worst...

This weekend was quite eventful. I talked about loving the whole stress free life, but of course I should of known to be cautious of thinking it could be so easy..lol

I really debated on writing this post. I know I was in no shape to write it yesterday and actually thought of keeping what happened to myself, however I feel I have nothing to hide and thought this would be an opportunity for me to let it out, and have support from you as well my blog readers.

As many of you know my son and my family are my world and Ty is without a doubt the most precious, beautiful gift I could have asked for which makes this a very hard and touchy subject... so please bare with me as I poor my heart out.

Now, most of my long time readers know about Ty's all nighter's history and what I have done to keep him safe from hurting himself. I had put a hook and eye on the outside of his bedroom door because I am a sound sleeper and do what most people do in the middle of the night... I SLEEP! Ty is a very sneaky boy and knows how to do things he knows he is not allowed to do very quietly.

Saturday morning, like usual I awoke to him knocking on the door for me to go get him. He knows if he needs me he is to knock and I will come running. In the meantime he broke the eye off the door by pulling on it. Saturday night I put him to bed and was unable to lock the door because of the missing eye so I thought this was a good opportunity to test it out and see if I could trust him again. I explained the rules.

1. No sneaking

2. if it is still dark outside it is to early to be up, you need to lay down again until it is light. (he awakes at least once a night to use the potty, and will fall back asleep if he is unstimulated.)

3. when you get up, come to my room and DO NOT touch anything.

Sunday morning I awoke to Ty in my room around 4 am. I snuggled him and tried getting him back to sleep with me. He is a very particular sleeper and unless he is in a room by himself he will NOT fall asleep.

I put the TV on in my room and we snuggled until it was light out and started our day. When I got up and observed what he had done in the middle of the night I was shocked!!!

This is where is gets pretty bad. He had gone into the laundry room got a bottle of foot powder and sprinkled it everywhere. On the TV, the electronics... everywhere in the rec room. He proceed to get a pair of scissors in the drawer bring them into his room and cut his mattress cover to shreds. He then pulled a chair from his playroom to the deep freezer opened it up and pulled out a 2 foot Easter bunny from last Easter and ate 1/2 of it.

When I found all of this my heart sank to my feet thinking of all the ways he could have harmed himself. I told him I was disappointed he broke the agreement and that I could not trust him yet to be a big boy. He feel fast asleep on the couch after a longggg night.

This is where it goes from bad to worst...As I was just sitting down for breakfast I noticed a car pull into the driveway. I was also on the phone with my girlfriend getting moral support for the morning incident and asked her to hold while I answered the door. " hi Sue, my name is blah, blah.. I'm from child and family services (children's Aid for other parts of the country) may I come in?" I of course let him in and told my girlfriend I would call her back. He then told me he needed to see Ty's sleeping arrangements. I brought him to Ty's room, he looked at the "broken" lock and his room. (please keep in mind that I had not cleaned Ty's mess as we were going to do it together once he awoke) There was powder everywhere that I felt a need to explain, the plastic from the mattress cover all over his room and his room of course had toys on the ground as well. I started SOBBING...as I was thinking.. OH MY GOSH..look at this mess.. this man is going to think I am not watching him.. we sat at the table, I tried to compose myself and just listen and not cry... He offered other "solutions" to the lock and I of course felt a need to defend my position as a mother. I explained WHY it is there, that the mess he observed is because the lock was broken and he was up in the middle of the night doing this.

He started asking me questions. What parenting method I used. I told him the 123 magic with a twist. That if at anytime I felt a need to hug Ty during any of his meltdowns I do.. of course he said that was a BAD idea that I should NOT reward him with hugs if he is acting out.. What kind of training I had before we adopting was another of his ridiculous questions.. I read all the damn books on attachment disorder, but until it is right smack dab in your face, the books you read to prepare are NOTHING.

At that point I decided to take over the conversation and tell him that I would explain everything to him, then, if he had any questions I would answer them. I thought if he would ask me the questions I was going to answer them very honestly and he could take my answers out of context. I was of course very emotional and very shocked that he was here!!! But by gosh I was not going to go down without him fully understanding my intent and what I am all about!

I explained that since Ty has been home (almost 3 years ago) we have had numerous people on board with us for various issues we have encountered with him. I told him that Ty has finally, recently been diagnosed with pre-verbal trauma and that his intense therapy is starting at the end of this week. I told him that I have been actively in contact with the local counseling centre, and in order to get where we are in the diagnosing Ty's problems I have had to have my parenting observed "super nanny" come into the home.. she of course agreed I was NOT the problem that indeed my son was the problem and not my parenting. I also explained that we also have a development therapist that recently had to do an assessment on Ty to insure he was on target and that his behavioral issues were not because of a mental delay. I explain that the professionals that were on board have agreed that there is certainly something off with Ty.

He then started talking about attachment issues... I agreed and explained that Ty had suffered neglect, and possible sexual and physical abuse as a baby and of course has insecurities with that. I explained that I have done many hours of research about what I can do to foster trust and for him to feel secure... HENCE, THE 1-2-3- magic with a twist. If I felt at anytime my son needs reassurance he would get it (like a damn hug during a meltdown).. and he looked at me with a look of agreement and I finally realised that he got it. He no longer judged my parenting. He understood. He said it was imperative we get more help on board for Ty, that he needs all the help he can get and that we need to nip this in the bud before he becomes more out of control.

If your still reading..lol..

During the whole time I would have little fits of uncontrollable crying. I was in disbelief that anyone could think I would have any intentions of hurting, or doing anything unethical to my son. I had the lock on his door to protect him. My JOB as a mother is to make sure, no matter what I protect him. That I keep him safe!!!

I kept having these thoughts of someone calling thinking the poor child was locked in his room upon days, and that I neglected him, or did something to harm him, or his well being when all I was doing was protecting him. I cried and cried.

He then asked if I was stressed... FUDGE.. what do you think mister. I have a hubby in Afghan, I am at the end of a long eventful adoption, I have a difficult to parent child. The only thing I was able to do to reduce my stress was to start my parental leave early and close my daycare. (Again I started crying thinking OMG what will people think if they knew) Then I said "to put a cherry on top of all that you come to my door. YEAH I am stressed.", but sir, I am not to proud to ask for help when I need it" and he felt ok with that response as well.

Did I like having a lock.. NO!!! (jeezzz believe me when I say some days I wish he was an easy to parent child.. believe me!!!) It was a last resort... and now... instead of child proofing my son's door in his room... I will spend a few days childproofing everything I can think he can possibly do to harm himself in the house. It will be child proofed a la max and NOW, not only will that be a pain in my ass, I will also have to deal with a very OVER tired Ty, as well as be a tired mom because neither of us will get a good night sleep because someone made a FALSE assumption and felt the need to get family and children's services involved in a non-existent problem.

The worker suggested I buy an alarm for his door.. HAHAHA.. I don't think so. He has noise sensitivity issues. I honestly think that is worst than a lock and will traumatise more than a lock would. He knocks on the door and I come running... he is not locked in.. it is a deterrent for him staying in bed instead of having a middle of the night party- free for all. He NEEDS CONSTANT supervision. I also asked if a lock on the door was illegal and it is not. I have agreed to NOT lock the door. BUT.. I can say for certain if ANYTHING happens to my son because he is hurt in anyway because of this I will MAD!!!!

I have an idea who made the call. I have chosen not to be bitter or to make judgement. I can only assume the call was made based on not knowing me or Ty. Anyone that knows me knows I am the best mother I can be, that my children and Steve are my world and I would never do anything that was not in their best interest!!! Jeeezzz I am already too hard on myself as a parent because I have had moment where I felt I could have dealt with a situation in a better way... I am my own worst enemy!

I felt raw, vulnerable, I felt a need to prove myself as a mother, and most of all my pride was HURT.. real bad. It was by far one of the worst things ever.

THANK YOU mom and dad, Manon, Stephanie, and Sylvie for being there for me the last couple days... your support throughout this ordeal was exceptional and I really appreciate it, thanks for not letting me beat myself up over something that I did for Ty and knowing and telling me that I was a GREAT mom..
Steve I love your "screw them all" attitude :-) and you telling me, that I was the best mom in the world and that you knew that, meant more than you will ever know. I miss you so much love and can't wait to hold you in my arms and have a good cry...