Weird feelings...

Well it's certainly getting closer to the day I leave. Yesterday I drove up to meet my parents for lunch and gave them Ty for the week. Part of me is nervous, the other part excited. I already miss Ty and have had thoughts of just cancelling everything and going to get him... I had a few moments where the house just felt so empty without him. I rented a movie last night and I caught myself turning down the volume at a loud part so I wouldn't wake him and I realised he wasn't here and I felt lonely. It's been a long time since I have been all alone. I guess I just forgot how life used to be... peaceful.. hahaha! I can actually hear myself think....

Today my plan is to pack and get my house tidied up. I still need to go buy a couple thing to bring, but I am hoping I will find time to go tomorrow before beginning my journey. I'm going to stay at my girlfriends house in the city and her hubby will bring me to the airport at 3:30am... I need to be there for 4ish. I hoping I will be able to catch some ZZZ's on the wait to Haiti so I am not some zombie meeting my baby girl. :-)

I was talking with someone yesterday and was REALLY surprised and hurt by a comment that was made. The topic of conversation was about pregnancy and she mentioned how great it would be if I became preggers. I immediately caboshed the idea and told her that I would actually be devastated, as I am done my family. She proceeded to say something to the effect that it would be much more special to have a bio-child. Now, I have a lot of respect for this particular person, however I was really hurt and offended that she has not realised that my children are my children. I know that I can't possibly love them anymore than I already do and that they are mine (well Steve's too.. but for the sake of the phrase I simply added "mine"). I tried to explain that when you make the decision to adopt you go in to the process of finding your child. You do in fact love your adopted child as much as if you would have given birth to them... you are there mother!!! I explained that a pregnancy would actually be devastating as I have made the decision that I DO NOT want any more children... whether they are bio, or adopted. I DO NOT long to have a bio child, I would not love it more than I love my children as it is IMPOSSIBLE, and I am certainly insulted at the fact that this comment was made and I hope my feed back and teaching on the subject may have enlightened her on the fact that WE DO in fact think of our children as our own even if they do not "match" us and that they are born from someone else.

While we were waiting for Ty I remember thinking of all the things that may come up during our years of raising him. I expected to be asked questions about race, and I figured if we were to encounter any negativity it certainly wouldn't be from a loving person. I honestly never thought our love for our child would ever be the topic of heated conversations. I never thought I would have to defend our love for OUR children. I have had our love questioned a couple times now and I am surprised to see it, but I guess all I can do is provide education to these questions and try and not be defensive in answering them, but only tell them the truth as I see it...

I have had opportunities to have bio-children. I had only did basic fertility treatment and could have gone with more extensive methods and chose not too. I chose to not go with invitro. I had a very good friend of mine offered to be a surrogate mother for us and we chose to adopt instead as we KNEW there were too many orphan's in the world needed parents. My choice was not a second grade decision it was a decision made with love, education and commitment. I chose a Haitian adoption because of the children that suffer daily. In Haiti if their parents chose to place them for adoption it was because they wanted them to live, they wanted their child to have a chance at living. They wanted their child to have what they could never provide. I chose to love another child as my own and to forgo any other option of having bio-children as to me it wasn't a matter of bio vs adopted. It was a chance for me to be a parent. That was the goal when Steve and I started trying to have children... and I am a mother. I'm not a fake mother. I am a real mother that would go beyond the earth and back for my children, I would give my life for them, and I certainly would protect them from anyone that was to even think of hurting them...