blogging therapy...

I'm trying to deal with some emotions regarding our daughters adoption. The news of our current predicaments is hurting more today. I know I am stressing about the unknowns and am disappointed that I awoke to no news. I know all these folks working for the adoptions have a life outside my world and are busy with more than just my file, but I am very disappointed that I didn't get any news. My mind is working on overdrive wondering what this means and of course my fears are all over the place as I worry. As of now I have no clue where we are. Have we been through court yet? Or maybe we haven't even been put in court which further delays her homecoming? I have no stinken clue and it's driving me bonkers. What happens if they don't find her Haitian mom? To make things worst I think it was my money I sent for the children's schooling she may have used to bail and move. I had even convinced myself when I agreed to send the money again this year that if by chance she didn't use the money for school and used it else where I was OK with that because the money for school was my only way of indirectly providing something for them and if she used it else where it was because she had too... BUT...

If it wasn't for my extreme love for Tamaya I would bail. I would quit all of this and just move on. You know there's a big part of me wishes I could.. just walk away and never look back.

I miss my hubby more than ever today. I wish he was here with his so even keyed stress free attitude. I could at least snuggle into him and cry. He would tell me not to worry and that it would all be ok.. then he would say something absolutely inappropriate for the moment and make me laugh. I miss you so much babe.

*** everything's gonna be alright... right?