How we came to adopt - Part 1

When Steve and I had decided to bring children into our lives we really had no idea the struggles we would endure.

We had conversations in the 1st year of our relationship about whether or not we wanted children, we both agreed that this was something we both wanted. We talked about the names we would call them. Steve chose Tyrone as his boy name. I told him there was NO WAY I would call our little white boy Tyrone. "Maybe Tyler" I would tell him. He was very adamant that this was going to be his son's name :-)

Once we officially started becoming serious about having children I had some fears. I knew my cycle was less than perfect and I had always feared not being able to have children. We tried with no success for a couple years before I went to see a doc for a diagnose. He almost immediately labeled my condition as being PCOS. I remember having to tell Steve that I was infertile. It hurt deep down inside. How would he still want to be with me??? He would certainly leave me, maybe not now, but later once he realised the importance of children. I told him for his own good I would leave him so he could eventually find someone he could have children with. Steve "my rock" was very serious and convinced that it didn't matter if we couldn't have children, he wanted to be with me. It didn't matter to him at all. I remember him saying that we we're already a family.... a family of two. (I love you babe) He loved me for me and supported me while I was hurting.
My life long dream of becoming a mommy was over. Until I was referred to a Gynecologist, he assured me with technology and a few treatments there was hope in conceiving children.... Maybe we could become parents???
So back to the drawing board we went. I started basic fertility treatments. I had to go on the birth control pill for 6 months... then get my hormones tested if the levels were right I had to take a pill here, ultrasounds to find eggs there. We did this basic treatment for a couple years... nothing worked and then we stepped it up another notch... instead of one pill.. 2, well my gosh. The pill made me so darn dizzy I couldn't see straight and I actually had to call my boss to bring me home from work because there was no way I could drive home in that condition. That was the end of fertility pills for me. I was done. So then my Dr. convinced me that I should have ovarian drilling done to induce ovulation. So under the knife I went. Came home in SO MUCH pain... and while I was in bed healing from this procedure I decided that enough was enough. I was done, done, done with anything to do with fertility treatments. I was not going to put myself through any more treatments or surgeries to have a child.
This is when we started talking about adoption. We touch on the subject briefly and started surfing the net for some info on adoption and where to start. We we're no where near financially able to pay for an adoption, but it was something we decided we would eventually do.

I was at work on day and talking with my co-worker. She asked me if Steve and I we're still thinking about adopting.."absolutely" I told her.. when the time is right that is the way we are going to form our family. She then asks me if I would be interested NOW??? She had a friend that knew of a Inuit lady placing her unborn child for adoption. "I have her number for you" she tells me. I picked up the phone and talked to mom to be. She was very interested in placing her baby with us, we talk in length about different things, I called an agency to see if this was even possible, called a lawyer that specialised in adoption. I so excited at the though of this happening. I got home from work and had a lengthy conversation with Steve about this. He wasn't as excited as I was. He wasn't "ready" to be a dad withing days. I was like a big ol' baby crying and reassessing my relationship with him... how dare he??? After I composed myself "a couple days later..lol" we talked about why not. We talked about the fact that we needed to be on the same page. This to me was an opportunity of a lifetime. He agreed to proceed with this child as long as the questions we had for his birth mom were what we wanted to hear. I was so HAPPY. I called the babies b-mom and asked her our millions questions. She then says "oh, I chose another family for the baby, I didn't think you we're still interested because you didn't call me back the next day" I told her that I would keep her in my prayers and I hoped that her and her baby would be ok" I told her thank you for her consideration and that I would always remember her.
I got off the phone held Steve tight and told him that I wasn't even upset. It wasn't meant to be, but one thing that was is that we we're on the same page about adoption. We had officially made the "we are going to adopt" choice. We immediately started researching adoption. Together we eliminated some countries, we looked at all of our options together. We called agencies in regard to what their best programs were. We looked at how we would finance an adoption. We made a "plan of when we would start" We both chose Haiti together. We fell in love with the children, culture, everything about Haiti appealed to us.