yesterday's blues

I was so grumpy and at my ends wit yesterday that I chose not to write anything, every time I went to write it seemed like I was some kind of mean, unkind person, hating the world... and the truth is, yesterday I did. I tried to compose myself many times, but I think the accumulation of all my feelings & responsibilities just got to me. THANK GOODNESS for girl friends that understand. After having a good vent to her, she whisked me away and we went to see a movie. The minute I jumped into her vehicle I felt immediate relief from the day. We got to laugh, of course at Steve expense :-) I love him so much, but sometimes I have to admit I feel it was wrong for him to go. He did have a choice not to go, because the fact we are adopting, but he chose to go... must be the "provider" in him. So my conclusion yesterday (not necessarily a well thought out conclusion , just one out of frustration)was that he was on a prolonged hunting trip with his buds.
He obviously did something to get me upset, when he was on camp, I asked him to send us a letter in the mail. He "CHOSE" not to. meanwhile I have been busting my hump to send him boxes & letters weekly to boost his moral. What about my moral??? What am I getting out of this deal. I don't get a title of "hero", I don't get a metal at the end of the tour. I don't get nothing at all.... except a house full of responsibilities, having to deal with my dear son that is less than perfect. And having to put on a fake smile and tell him I much I love and support him, even when I feel like my life is a disaster.... just to make sure he is happy. When he comes home I am booking myself a trip.. ALONE... just me, myself and I. I'll give him a week to have a taste of the life I had for 6 months. :-)

update; I talked to Steve and let him know I was down and feeling unappreciated. He did agree that he should write or tell me how much I mean to him. He does appreciate the commitment and sacrifices I have made for him, he just neglected to tell me...lol . He apologized for being selfish and not sending a letter. For some reason he didn't want me to take a vacation for me and be left alone with the kids.... he's WEAK....
So I take back "his hunting trip" comment and I am proud to announce he is officially out of the dog house...... for now :-)