having a hard time understanding...

I am having a pity party; you are all invited to join in self loathing with me...lol
Where: Here at home
When: Right now
Who: Just me myself and I

OK so on a not so funny note and I am having a hard adoption waiting day. I am sick and tired and mentally done with this. I am not calling Haiti again and son of a beehive she can came home when ever the hell she is ready. I am not dialing that stinken busy line again.
There is a family from our orphanage that has been signed out. They are 150 files ahead of us (I am truly happy for them, what beautiful news for them and I do indeed think everyone should be out of that mess) on the other hand it hurts so bad knowing we are not and that we have waited longer and I am having to deal with this alone.

* the above entry was written this morning, but I didn't post it because I was so upset... notice the difference between this morning and this afternoon... (never going to call again... to OK.. I called...lol)

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So now it's just about 5pm... I have called Mrs B back..lol. I told her I had called her last week and that she asked me to call her back Monday. I asked her if she had any information on my file.. she looked it up and said NO you are not signed out yet. I asked her if she had the file with her and she said that no, she was looking at a sheet with all the file she has signed out this week. I asked her if she knew if there was a problem with it and she "sounded" annoyed, and again asked me to call back next week...so I changed the conversation really fast into "thank you so much for your time.. and I will talk with you next week. ( she is the last person I want to annoy.. ;-)

I am so mentally exhausted from today.. I will be eating lots of CHOCOLAT tonight and celebrating 8 months in IBESR ..lol

My hubby even called at the right time today. He got a very big speech (sorry hon, I love you!!!) and it felt nice for him to hear my frustrations. I also at that moment in time did NOT feel alone. He was there supporting me and I know had he been home he would have been my shoulder to cry on.. but even thought I didn't get to hold him while I cried, it was nice to have his support... I miss him so much and REALLY can't wait to have ALL of my family together.

So today was a bad day.. I do feel much better knowing where I stand with my file. I feel like some anxiety about being signed out has past, I'm not sitting by the phone hitting redial and I will get through this... BREATH... just BREATH :-)